Water Signs' Erin Lockheart: A Boca Babe Embodiment of the Culture of Self-Absorption

More than any other character drawn from my own life in Water Signs, Erin Mahoney Lockheart owes about 90% of her creation more to a stereotype than an actual person. Yes, there is a real fiancée and wife whose acquaintance I'd made many years ago, and those recollections formed a starting point for the character sketch. However, after having spent so many years in South Florida, I felt very strongly about including a commentary about what I call our current "culture of self-absorption", and it was this desire that led to the evolution of Erin.

Throughout Boca Raton and the surrounding areas, I'd seen, heard, witnessed and experienced enough examples of self-serving, egotistical and superficial behavior to write an entire non-fiction book on the topic. But since I was penning what would in the end be a triumph of virtue, integrity, traditional values and true love over all sorts of formidable obstacles, I had to find a way to highlight this theme via plot and character. And it didn't take long to realize that Erin was the perfect vehicle through which to do just that.

So it's only in the early stages of Part Two that Ken's fiancée even remotely resembles her real-life counterpart (whose name has been completely changed), although in what is most likely a very dramatic departure from reality, Erin absolutely hates football -- one of the many contrasts between her and Madeline purposely created for dramatic reasons. Although Ken confesses his commitment to another woman to Madeline in an earlier chapter (more on that in another post), it's not until Chapter 24 that readers -- along with Maddy, who has reluctantly agreed to attend a BBQ at their condo -- meet her for the first time:

From the moment she entered their two-story condo on the fifth floor, she felt a distinctive yet subtle hostility in the air, similar to the one that had greeted her at Kenny's real estate office awhile back. And though physically attractive with a willowy figure, blue eyes and silky blonde hair, Erin definitely exuded a hard, urban vibe, notwithstanding her impressive career and level of education.

Yet it wasn't her tough, Philly accent and her rough-around-the-edges veneer that most impacted Madeline; it was her pervasive coldness and attitude of indifference. She barely engaged Maddy in conversation, though Ken's former flame conducted herself with as much dignity as she could possibly muster under the circumstances. And while Kenny did his best to facilitate the flow of conversation, it wasn't long before Maddy wished she hadn't accepted his invitation in the first place. When Erin abruptly excused herself to go to bed -- claiming a migraine headache -- Madeline resolved to banish all thoughts of Ken and Erin from her mind forever.

In Part Two, Maddy performs her own rendition of this heartbreaking song from my favorite musical, Les Miserables for a local dance studio production.

This incident instigates a thirteen-year, self-imposed, selective amnesia on the part of Madeline, embarked upon for the sake of her own sanity and self-preservation (it's also a compounding factor in her bout with panic and anxiety disorder). She literally forces herself to forget that either one of these people even exists, just as I did in real life. It was just too painful to cope with, too unbearable to work through, even though, like Madeline, I had many sympathetic shoulders I could've cried on (while this isn't really explored in the novel, I suppose for myself pride was also to blame for my reticence in sharing this devastating news with someone, anyone who loved me).

And since the story is basically told from Madeline's perspective, that's the last we see of Ken and Erin for a period of time, while Maddy endures the nadir of her panic and anxiety problem before solving it via a psychic; offers forgiveness to her old boyfriend Jake Winston when he calls out of the blue; and finds some career success via her writing and communications skills.

In Chapter 25, I do provide a bit of foreshadowing and embellishment using an event that truly is straight out of real life:

Taking a seat in a nearby rocking chair, Ken leaned back and closed his eyes as thoughts of Maddy permeated his brain. How was she doing? Had she gotten married yet? Was she still writing? He hadn't seen a copy of The Good News Gazette in a while, though he'd secretly held onto the copy his mother had brought over to his house just weeks after Bonnie's birth. That was before Erin had set up a home-based business and taken a corporate position in the creative department of a local cosmetics company.

Paula Lockheart had entered Ken and Erin's home that morning, armed with a stack of newspapers and magazines, which she'd carefully set down on the coffee table before heading into the nursery. As Ken walked through the living room on his way to make breakfast, a photo of two familiar faces caught his eye. And when he picked up the publication to take a closer look, his heart was filled with pride and longing.

Beneath the headline, "My Brother, My Hero", and the byline bearing the author's name, Madeline and Louis smiled back at him, seated at a round dining table. Wow. She'd finally achieved her goal of becoming a published writer. He well remembered the endless conversations -- by the ocean, snuggled up on the couch or wrapped up under the satin sheets of his water bed -- during which Maddy would eloquently share her dreams for the future. In spite of everything, he still missed that connection.

And much like his real-life inspiration, Ken calls the editor of the paper in an attempt to obtain Madeline's phone number, only to be dejected when she refuses to give it out. Instead, she offers to share his contact information with her newest writer and allow her to decide if she wishes to dial the number. Skeptical of whether or not she'd actually take the initiative to call, he is thrilled when a few days later, his former girlfriend's curiosity gets the better of her:

Ken felt the same powerful eruptions within at the sound of her voice, though she gave no indication of her personal status, opting instead to update him about her parents and siblings. Madeline also omitted from the conversation her ongoing struggle with panic disorder, preferring to keep the tone light, so as not to solicit any unwanted offers of help or worse -- an invitation to dinner at his home. The last thing she needed was an evening with Ken, Erin and their new baby.

Thus, we're starting to learn a bit more about Erin indirectly, by way of her husband's lingering feelings for another woman. Readers already know from Chapter 19 that he'd had some reservations about going through with the wedding, confiding in Madeline that part of his motivation for doing so was that "we didn't want to live in sin anymore". And it's also in this chapter that we get a glimpse into Erin's personality when he notes how "she kind of depends on me" since most of her co-workers were busy with their own families and social lives. There's a distinct impression that for all of her high-powered business acumen, Erin is also very high maintenance. This is confirmed (along with their eventual divorce) in Chapter 27 via Paula Lockheart's internal musings during an outdoor power-walk:

Too bad her former daughter-in-law hadn't shared that opinion. Oh sure, in the beginning she used him like a security blanket after she'd accepted a lucrative position with an ad agency in Miami and relocated from Atlantic City. Oddly, for such a talented and successful girl, Erin had more than her fair share of insecurities, depending on Ken to provide everything from a social life to a comfortable place to live.

And while he was working hard as a mortgage broker and real estate agent by day, and taking classes in marketing and business at Florida International University four nights a week, she constantly harangued him over stupid things, like buying her the "wrong" gift or not spending enough time together. Paula sighed as she recalled one particular Valentine's Day, when Ken had inadvertently provoked Erin's ire by buying her rollerblades -- even though she'd been asking for them for months. That had been just one in a series of troubling incidents that should have prevented her son from walking down the aisle.

In Chapter 28, we get Ken's perspective on his now ex-wife, and the reasons for the dissolution of their marriage:

Then there was the negative influence of the Boca Raton culture. While an exceedingly beautiful city and desirable place to live, Boca's downside was the extreme superficiality of many of its residents, some of whom held positions of power within the community, from the local paper's society page writer to the plethora of ambitious millionaires that populated upscale neighborhoods like Broken Sound, Royal Palm and The Sanctuary. While Ken envied no one, content to focus on his own goals, Erin got caught up in the web of botox, breast enhancements and liposuction that characterized the activities of the city's wealthiest females.

And as her business thrived, so did her vanity, leading her to undergo a seemingly endless parade of plastic surgeries, all to assuage her fears of growing older, and to help her keep pace with the women with whom she networked for both business and social purposes. After almost thirteen years of marriage, Ken didn't even recognize her -- or was it more accurate to say he was just beginning to?

As a direct result of her own self-centered behavior, Erin's marriage ultimately implodes. For all of his genuine efforts to make it work for the sake of their children, Ken realizes that without her willingness to change, it's a futile undertaking. For a woman who had it all -- a devoted husband, two healthy children, a beautiful home and a thriving career -- Erin expressed very little in the way of gratitude, opting instead to focus exclusively on the superficial side of life. Thus, her humble Southwest Philly roots, doting childhood, foundation of faith and hard-earned education are tossed aside for the pursuit of all things material. And in the end, it costs her dearly.

Am I stating as an author that it's bad to attain things like fancy cars and designer clothes?

Absolutely not.

What I am positing however, is the need to keep these things in perspective and not lose sight of what truly matters in life. Ken rises from humble beginnings to find impressive success in the corporate world, but it never alters the person he is inside. He remains faithful to the morals and values with which he's been raised; the same is also true for Madeline, though materially she is not quite as successful.

To Ken, his children are a top priority; to Erin, they are sometimes an afterthought far behind her own wants and desires (though she does truly love them). In this society we're living in and specifically in South Florida, I've seen parents, divorced or married, more concerned about their social lives than their own kids' well-being. I've witnessed the substitution of money and material things for time, attention and discipline. And I've even watched as middle-aged mothers disgracefully competed with their daughters for the affection of a man, or the wink of a stranger's eye.

Our current culture seems to have jettisoned the concept of growing old gracefully and dressing appropriately (albeit attractively) for one's age. Our children are worse off because of it, and it's well past time for good people to help swing the pendulum back. And I hope through my writing I can positively affect the discussion. In the meantime, I am forever grateful for my upbringing by loving parents who cared enough to spend time with, discipline and educate their children.

Fun Fact: The actual paper I used to write for was The Happy Herald, although in those days it was known as The Happy Times Monthly. And yes, my first published piece was indeed entitled My Brother, My Hero, in honor of my brother Ralph (Louis in the novel) and featured a photo of us on the front cover.

More on Maddy's Men: Mark Donnelly and Tag Russell

In Maddy's Men, I explored the fictional male characters Maddy dates before and after Ken's entrance into her life -- all of whom were based on actual people and circumstances. With this follow-up post, I want to touch upon one not previously mentioned, and expand upon one I already covered, Mark Donnelly, since the character merits more than two paragraphs. Ironically, he is also connected to Tag Russell, both in real life and fiction. It's only through flashback however, that readers learn of this association.

Chapter 26 opens with Madeline approaching the Guard Gate at Journey's End, a lovely community of single-family homes in Lake Worth, Florida. Her dear friend Audrey Solomon (based on an actual person, my treasured friend Martha J. Solomon) has arranged a luncheon in Maddy's honor, to celebrate her new work promotion as a Content Manager for an e-marketing firm in downtown Fort Lauderdale (in another post, I will explain how this is a fusion of fact and fiction).

Being in the neighborhood again reminds Madeline of another joyful memory -- that of her 40th Birthday Party, which took place in the Journey's End Clubhouse:

Though initially not quite thrilled about reaching that particular milestone, Maddy perked up when she and Audrey developed the celebration's original theme, incorporating a lifetime of the birthday girl's most cherished things, from the Philadelphia Eagles to Italian wedding cookies. The catered event also included a deejay and personalized decorations, including Madame Alexander dolls, original "books" written by Madeline as a child, and even well-placed packages of Tastykakes.

And yes, the above paragraph is true-to-life; Marti (Audrey) gave me the idea for the party's theme as we sat around the kitchen table over coffee one night at her house. As one creative idea led to another, I kind of got over the significant "number" aspect of the birthday, choosing instead to celebrate all of the people, places and events that had shaped my life up to that point. Besides, a girl can never get tired of hearing people say, "You're how old? You look like you're about 28!

Also true: my collection of Madame Alexander dolls; two journals I'd used to write my first "books" as a nine-year-old, complete with illustrations; Philadelphia Eagles & Phillies memorabilia, Tastykakes, soft pretzels, Italian wedding cookies and photos in Lucite frames everywhere.

More on all of this in another post, including the female friendships of Water Signs. But back to the men.

As she continues through the entrance on her way to Audrey's, Madeline also remembers the recent past, specifically Tag Russell, a man she'd met soon after purchasing her new condo in Boca Bayou. A loan officer at the bank for which she worked at the time, Maddy knew him for nearly a year before ever actually going out with him:

For almost twelve months, she regarded his constant flirting as nothing more than a pleasant workday diversion; after all, Tag never behaved inappropriately, nor did he initiate any gatherings outside the office.

Here's where a significant public event makes a personal impact on Maddy's life. When the horrific events of September 11, 2001 unfolded, she -- like so many others -- was engaged in what she thought would be another typical day at the office. Overcome with emotion, a hysterical Madeline seeks out the comfort of Tag's embrace. In the aftermath of lingering fear and worry about the future -- coupled with an intense desire to have someone special in her life -- she embarks upon an ill-fated romance with the handsome charmer, who in the end breaks her heart:

The relationship's failure had mainly been a function of Tag's inability to move beyond the dissolution of his marriage and an early childhood tragedy -- two events that had rendered him emotionally unavailable. A handsome man with wavy brown hair, blue eyes, a mischievous smile and ready sense of humor, he and Maddy shared an intense chemistry, along with a mutual affection.

...But no amount of concerts, Marlins games, Harley rides or pool-playing sessions at Gatsby's could save this doomed relationship. Whereas Madeline fell in love with the highly successful, hard-working loan officer, the most he could offer was an occasional good time -- on his terms of course. And when his insecurity about being twelve years her senior finally got to him, he ended the dalliance altogether.

This is all very reflective of real life, down to the physical description of the character. There were moments -- albeit fleeting ones -- when this guy would let his true feelings out, which, while indicative of genuine affection for me, were also admonitions to run as far away as I could, since he would only end up hurting me.

I should have listened the first time, but unfortunately an intense physical attraction tends to obscure the underlying, critical facts.This is also where Tag Russell and Mark Donnelly have much in common.

How else to explain why Madeline (like me) even has anything to do with Mark after he stands her up for a SunFest date he himself initiates just the night before? Well that, and being just too damned nice to begin with. But I digress.

That "Hey, I changed my mind about taking you to SunFest" scene in the novel mirrors my real-life experience, happening just around the time the married guy at the pool asks Madeline if she would go out with him if not for the small matter of his lifetime commitment to another woman (sorry to say, also true). At that point in my life, based on my dating adventures both in Pennsylvania and in Florida, I was beginning to think all men were vile creatures -- with the only exceptions being my father, brothers, assorted family members and friends. To some extent, I still feel this way, although thanks to having a solid foundation of faith and engaging in constant spiritual development, I've managed to keep from turning into a bitter man-hater -- something I once feared might happen.

While I could find lots of women (and even men) to validate such a personality transformation based on legitimate grievances, the last thing I would ever do is give anyone else the power to change who I am. Not even a man who has hurt me deeply and in most cases, unnecessarily.

But back to the connection between Tag and Mark. Through Maddy's reflections, readers discover that Tag and Mark had once worked together many years prior, and it is this acquaintance that ironically solves a mystery for her:

...Maddy had briefly reconnected with Mark Donnelly, who at first appeared to be very impressed with her budding banking career and obvious maturation. However, after three wonderful dates wherein they shared meaningful conversation as well as endless, passionate kisses, he disappeared again from her life. No goodbye call or farewell visit -- just an abrupt departure after promising to contact her upon his return from California, site of his "all-boys" motorcycling vacation.

In an interesting twist, Tag had unknowingly referenced Maddy's former flame many months later when the two of them attended that year's SunFest (another irony right out of real life). Turned out, Tag and Mark had worked together in the lending department at First America Bank. And as Tag and Madeline browsed the multitude of artists' tents at the West Palm Beach festival, he told her all about his unexpected run-in at Publix with the newly engaged Mark, who'd happily announced his impending fall wedding. Though she did not disclose the details of her brief romance, Madeline silently pondered if Mark's fiancée had been the real reason for his disappearance the second time around. If so, it was certainly a strange and recurring pattern.

Interesting Side Note: Over a year ago, I met "Mark's" first wife on Facebook via some mutual friends. And after getting to know her, I am still scratching my head over why he'd ever leave such a beautiful, vivacious woman in the first place. I don't think I will ever figure out some men and I have given up trying. Learning the other side of the divorce story and tales of the various other women he's hurt over the years (much more deeply than me) was rather eye-opening, to say the least. But as with "Tag", I do wish him well.

Maddy's Men: A Comparison and Contrast

I've noted in other posts and places the dire cultural consequences we're currently dealing with as a direct result of the so-called sexual revolution and women's liberation of the 1960s. In a two-part column entitled Cyberspace and the Single (Conservative) Girl, which appeared on Parcbench, The Republican Temple and Palin Drone, I explored the ramifications of the "turbulent" decade for traditional women like me, based on a real-life experience with a guy I'd met online last year.

Sadly, for those of us who were raised to actually demand respect from men, believe in the joys of sex within the confines of a marital -- or at the very least -- an exclusive, committed relationship, and appreciate such antiquated courtesies like a man holding open a door, picking up the tab for a meal or offering his seat on a bus, dating in the contemporary world is daunting at best, and depressing at worst.

While the men who engage in bad behavior are by no means unaccountable, their confusion is certainly understandable. Women who claimed to speak for their entire gender -- people like Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda and Betty Freidan -- made it crystal clear through their activism that "girl power" meant having meaningless sex with multiple partners, procuring abortion on demand for any ol' reason (no matter how dubious), diminishing the important role of fathers in the lives of children, condemning all acts of war regardless of the facts, and overall zealously subscribing to the gospel of liberalism.

Never mind that that female pioneers like Susan B. Anthony were staunchly pro-life and pro-family, with a focus on holding men accountable to their crucial roles as husband, father and family provider.

Having been raised in a traditional home with parents who fall somewhere in-between the Greatest Generation and the Baby Boomers, I am eternally grateful for my upbringing and for my first-hand observation of what it means to have a loving, respectful marriage and household. Unfortunately, it also meant that I was in for a very rude awakening when it was time to participate in the dating rituals of the late 20th and early 21st Centuries.

Without rehashing the Evolution of Water Signs here, I will just note that when the flood of memories initiated an almost out-of-control stream of consciousness that demanded the creation of a novel, I realized just how dramatically different my experience with the real-life Ken had been from just about every other guy I'd ever dated. Therefore, I purposely included many of them as fictional characters, for the purpose of setting up a contrast to the Ken character, and to assist (no matter how painfully) in Madeline's personal growth and spiritual development.

So let's take a look at them in-depth, shall we:

Jake Winston - Jake is modeled after a guy I'd dated after college, my first "long-term" boyfriend. Although in reality, this relationship lasted about a year-and-a-half, in the book I changed that to two years. More than any other non-Ken suitor, Jake is also an embodiment of the novel's theme of forgiveness, and the sole non-Ken suitor with any real redeeming qualities. Like his flesh-and-blood counterpart, he is overly and cruelly critical at times of Madeline's appearance, as well as her family's cherished customs, including getting dressed up for holidays. Thanks to Jake, Maddy's insecurities have been intensified to the point where it's all but impossible for her to trust in Ken's sincerity during their first go-around. But to his great credit, this character (like the real man) eventually undertakes a self-imposed, spiritual housecleaning, prompting him to call Madeline out-of-the-blue to genuinely seek her forgiveness years later. Although there's no desire on her part to reignite that relationship, she truly appreciates and respects his courage in taking such a bold action, and offers her complete absolution.

Gary Snyder - Gary is also inspired by a real-life character I met while conducting outside sales calls for an employment agency in suburban Philadelphia. Like so many I've encountered, he committed the ol' bum's rush, apparently noticing (and liking) me as I gave my best sales pitch to the receptionist at the insurance company whose business I'd been seeking. Although I saw him pass by briefly, I'd hardly given him a second thought -- that is until I received an unexpected delivery of white roses upon my return to the office. Actually, that's how it went down for Maddy in the book; in real life, it was quite a comedy of errors as he'd inadvertently sent the flowers to the wrong woman. However, for both Madeline and me, the rest of the story is the same: after a few good dates where we'd seemed to connect well, we made plans to meet up at the Jersey Shore. But when I showed up at his rental in Ocean City as agreed upon, he couldn't get rid of me fast enough. And that was the extent of my interaction with Gary "white roses" Snyder (and yes, I did change his name for the book).

Jim Russo - Ah Jim, bless his heart, another high-powered businessman I unknowingly attracted during yet another outside sales call when his friendly, gate-keeper receptionist took my card and promised to call if they ever had a need for a temp. And just like me, Maddy follows up with him the next week with a promotional gift. That leads to the flirtatious Jim asking her out, initiating series of lunch-only dates and cutesy faxes to her office but curiously, no after-hours get-togethers. In the book, a suspicious Maddy finally gets to the bottom of it via Jim's receptionist, who informs her that he not only has a serious girlfriend, he's about to get married; in real-life, I never did get a straight answer out of the guy and thus, ran as far away as I could. Real name changed for the novel, although most everything else is true to life, including the upscale lunch at the famous Duling-Kurtz House. And yes, my sister-in-law (Vanessa in the book) was very impressed by his choice of venue, though not so much his behavior.

Mark Donnelly - Next to Jake, Mark is probably the most significant non-Ken suitor. In a slight departure from real life, this character is the very first guy Maddy dates in South Florida (in real life, I'd gone out with a quite a few guys, though nothing serious, before meeting him) -- right around the time Ken breaks her heart by announcing his engagement to Erin. Physically, Mark shares many of Ken's characteristics: six-foot, masculine build; blue eyes; sandy blond hair; and an irresistible smile. These similarities prompt her to project many of her true love's qualities onto him. Like Ken, he's also quite charming and initially, very persistent in his pursuit. And just as it went down with the others, Maddy is tending to her own affairs, participating in a business networking function where she unknowingly catches Mark's wandering eye. True to reality, when he calls her at the office to ask her out a few days later, she cannot for the life of her remember even meeting him, in spite of the fact she'd written him a follow-up note.

Like the others, Mark also comes on strong, then abruptly disappears, although the circumstances are a bit more complicated. In contrast to the other suitors, he's the first divorced man with children that Madeline dates, causing a great deal of sexual tension, thanks to the intense, mutual attraction they share. And while it's safe to say he's quite curious about Madeline's moral virtue, unlike Ken it's not something he respects or is willing to deal with for any extended amount of time. This is after all, South Florida, and if Maddy thought other women were way ahead of her up north, it was about one-hundred-thousand times worse in paradise -- where pretty girls are not only a dime-a-dozen, they're more than willing to put out for a successful guy with the means to afford fancy cars, boats and designer clothes.

Mark's penchant for breaking engagements and loving-and-leaving-'em is regrettably an accurate reflection of the actual person. And although this character's time in Maddy's life is short, it is pivotal in her character development, serving as another descriptive example of the conflict between normal, human desire and ingrained morality -- but this time in a scenario lacking in any genuine feeling on the guy's part. To Mark, Maddy is just another attractive girl in a sea of hotties. In fact, their 10-year age difference, coupled with Madeline's innocence and insecurities, leads him to view her as a "babe in the woods", not a serious contender for a real relationship. Yes, his name has been changed. And yes, Chapter 23 is -- well -- an embarrassing, albeit instructive, experience straight out of real life. Enough said.

Well, this post has gone on a bit longer than intended and I still haven't discussed the characters of Ray Smith and Tag Russell. To be continued.