Water Signs' Madeline Rose, Part One

In previous posts, I've described Water Signs as a literal, metaphorical and spiritual journey for its two main characters, Madeline Rose and Kenneth Lockheart. And since I alluded to Madeline's weight issues in my last post, I figured they merited a larger discussion in my next update.

When Chapter One opens, readers get an inkling of Madeline's motivations, fears and insecurities via her conversation with her good friend Carmen (based on a real-life friend), as the girls cruise down the Atlantic City Expressway bound for Ocean City, New Jersey. She's just been through a traumatic break-up with her first boyfriend, who's been harshly critical and judgmental due to his own personal issues (a topic I discussed -- along with the theme of forgiveness -- in the post, Maddy's Men). The dialogue centers around Maddy's lingering hang-ups about her appearance, which Carmen quickly attempts to dispel.

From the outset, I strove to highlight the preponderance of loving, supportive and protective people in Maddy's life, from family members to female friends -- while drawing a sharp contrast between her and the other characters -- beginning with Carmen in Chapter One:

“I know,” Carmen agreed. “But believe me; I miss my retail days in New York. Macy’s was tough, mostly due to a Type-A personality boss, but I met a lot of cool people. Counseling clients at New You Nutrition and Weight Loss isn’t exactly a dream job.”

“Isn’t it satisfying to help someone get into shape?” Madeline pursued.

“Only the people who are really serious about it,” Carmen replied. “But most clients just make up excuses and waste their money so they can claim to be doing something about their figure. And the company doesn’t mind because they’re raking in the dough. Not that the program isn’t good, it is. But not even the best weight loss plan on earth will work for someone who isn’t committed to it.”

“You should tell them you owe your skinny frame to New You, and not an inherited fast metabolism!” Madeline suggested, laughingly.

“Yeah, maybe I should!” Carmen agreed. “You look good, Maddy, by the way. I can tell you’ve lost some weight.”

“Yes, I’m trying!” Madeline patted her tummy. “All the walking and swimming I’ve been doing is paying off. And I’m being really careful about everything I put in my mouth. Just a few more pounds and I’ll be all set.”

“Now, don’t go off the deep end,” Carmen warned, suddenly becoming serious. “You are such a pretty girl and you look great. So just remember that, ok? You are beautiful the way you are right now.” Knowing her good friend was still reeling from a painful break-up a few months ago, Carmen wanted this to be a fun weekend for all of them.

“Apparently Jake didn’t think so,” Madeline noted quietly.

“Jake’s an ass!” Carmen shot back, her fiery Latin temper flaring. “Who the hell was he to criticize you? It’s obvious you weren’t dating him for his good looks. He should have been grateful to have a cute girl like you on his arm, instead of acting like a complete jerk and dumping you over the phone. At least be a man and face things head on. What a wuss!”

Partly due to her seemingly unconquerable belief in her own inferiority where men are concerned, Maddy initially reacts harshly to Carmen's announcement of their impending dates later that evening -- although there's another glaring fact that adds insult to injury. This is also an instance where I employed a bit of foreshadowing just prior to the introduction of Ken:

“Well, while we’re on the subject, I have to confess something.”

Uh-oh. Knowing Carmen, it wasn’t good news.

“What?” Madeline asked defensively, bracing herself for the answer.

“Mary Ellen is trying to get these guys to bring a friend along for you—”

“Aw, Carmen!” she protested.

“Look, I don’t even know if the guy will make it, but you have to start somewhere. These men are successful in business and they’re really cute. We’ll all just go out and have some fun. It’ll be great, you’ll see!”

“Do you even know anything about them?”

“Well, I know they have some kind of import/export business in Atlantic City. And I think they’re from Iran or someplace in the Middle East.”

Fabulous.

Maddy’s type was definitely the masculine, clean-cut all-American guy either in uniform, or out of the pages of Football Digest or GQ; while she had an appreciation for other cultures, she had no desire to date someone from another country—European, Middle Eastern or otherwise. As was her usual reaction to distressing news, she sat in silence.

A little while later, I took a few paragraphs to describe the girls' contrasting appearances, as well as the dichotomy between Madeline's self-image and reality, in addition to another bit of foreshadowing:

The girls headed upstairs to get ready. It was already after 6 p.m. and they were planning to go out to eat before heading to the Key Largo dance club just over the causeway in Somers Point. At the Point Diner a little while later, Madeline watched in awe as Carmen devoured a burger and fries, while she carefully stuck to grilled chicken and salad. In spite of her slim figure, Carmen often ate starchy, fattening foods, none of which ever affected her thin frame. It was a luxury Maddy had never enjoyed.

But she looked adorable in a cute white summer outfit consisting of a long, sequined white top over tight leggings, cinched at the waist. She’d pulled her flowing auburn hair back into a loose ponytail, held with a rhinestone clip, and her favorite comfy silver pumps, in anticipation of dancing the night away. Carmen looked stunning in a black linen dress and high-heeled sandals, her dark hair falling straight just below her shoulders. Little did Maddy know at the time, but she would find herself sitting in the very same booth a few hours later, under very different circumstances.

Astute readers will understand that, given Madeline's overly critical and distorted self-image, the fact that Ken is first attracted to her stunning Latin girlfriend -- going so far as to purchase a long-stemmed rose and present it to her on the dance floor -- sets the foundation for the conflict to ensue in the budding, unexpected relationship that develops between her and the handsome former US Navy sailor.

Lost in the music, Madeline never saw it coming, but suddenly she looked up to see a hand holding a long-stemmed rose in front of Carmen; a little red devil was attached to it. Then Maddy caught a glimpse of the rose’s buyer and her heart skipped a beat—too bad he was interested in her friend. It seemed so unfair since Carmen already had a date for the evening, unbeknownst to this handsome stranger. But despite her disappointment, Madeline laughed right along as Carmen accepted the gesture and began to dance with her new suitor.

And of course, it's only when Carmen's date for the evening finally arrives at the club that Maddy even gets the opportunity to hang out with Ken in the first place -- when something inside compels her to extend the invitation, much to her own astonishment:

“Maddy,” Carmen asked again, “What are you going to do?”

Feeling strangely emboldened, Madeline announced, “I’m not going with all of you. I’m staying here and hanging out with Ken!” Then turning to him, she asked softly, “Is that ok with you?”

“Yes, that’s fine with me,” he agreed, giving her a high-five. Maybe the night’s not lost after all, he surmised. She’s seems truly adorable. It won’t hurt to spend a few hours getting to know her.

“Ok, but you better be nice to her,” Carmen warned Ken as she stepped into the back seat of her entourage’s Lincoln Continental.

In spite of her insecurities, Maddy demonstrates even more confident self-assertion when her newly designated date for the evening can't stop haranguing her over what he considers to be Carmen's dishonorable actions:

“You know I have to say I really don’t understand your friend. Why would she lead me on like that when she knew she had a date? And did you see those guys? I mean, I spent four years of my life defending this country from people like that and she and her anorexic friend run off with them?”

“Hey Ken, calm down! I agree with you about Iran, but that doesn’t mean those guys are like their crazy government. And you have to know Carmen; she’s just a free spirit. No one tells her what to do. I’m just glad they didn’t bring a friend for me, ‘cause long hair and grunge is definitely unappealing.”

“Well she still shouldn’t have accepted my rose,” he stated emphatically.

Maddy had enough. Cute as he was, she had no desire to talk about Carmen all night; watching Nick-At-Nite at home was sounding better and better. Overcoming her usual hesitance around guys, she spoke up. “Look, Ken, you’re here with me now. Either we’re gonna dance and have a good time, or I’m outta here! What’s it gonna be?”

Pleasantly surprised by her feistiness, he took her by the hand and exclaimed, “Well, let’s dance!”

By the way, this entire chapter is pretty faithful to real life, down to the little red devil attached to the rose; Maddy's amazement at Ken's foresight in bringing along a clean shirt to change into; Ken's initial anger about Carmen leaving the scene with another guy; and his marveling at Maddy's "tiny" hands. Even the conversation in bold above is absolutely true, and like Maddy, I surprised myself with my own comfort level around this guy; I seemed to have no qualms at all about telling him in no uncertain terms exactly how I felt. Unfortunately, that didn't last long as the relationship progressed, as I will detail in another post.

Once Ken and Maddy break the ice with a dance, the rest of the evening unfolds effortlessly. Their light-hearted conversation reveals many similarities, including their shared birthday (which, as I've noted before is an example of creative license; the real guy and me are both Pisces, but our birthdays are about two weeks apart), Catholic upbringing and status as "the baby" in their respective families. However, Maddy's insecurities flare up again upon learning more about this intriguing new suitor, unbeknownst to him:

Under the cover of magnificent moonlight enhanced by the muted sounds of music emanating from inside the club, Ken and Maddy chatted for hours. He shared funny and sad stories of his time in the military as she eagerly listened, fascinated by his life experience. At 25, she’d never even left her hometown, let alone traveled the world. Except for a Caribbean cruise with a few college girlfriends after graduation and some assorted family trips to places like Disneyworld and Chicago, she’d lived a pretty uneventful life. Heck, Maddy had even commuted to a university minutes from her house because she hadn’t felt quite ready to leave the nest. At the same age, Ken had enlisted to serve in foreign lands.

She also noticed something admirable and attractive in him—an inner spark, a desire to make something of himself. He was determined to rise above his roots in a sleepy Shore town and accomplish much greater things than his older brothers, all of whom seemed content to work in a local pizza shop.

From the get-go, Ken exposes himself as an entirely different kind of man from Jake, which ironically heightens Madeline's insecurity. After two years of constant berating about her weight, her choice of dress and even her bust size, it's a shock to the system (albeit a pleasant one) to be with a man who's constantly complimenting her. Although he's quite sincere, she cannot seem to reconcile his glowing impression of her with the unattractive one residing deep within her own psyche.

And her inability to clearly articulate her feelings -- coupled with Ken's deeply held thoughts of inferiority in the face of Madeline's highly accomplished family -- will help to destroy their relationship the first time around.

More on Madeline in the next post.

God and Spirituality in Water Signs, Part Two

In Part One, I discussed the prevalence of faith, God and spirituality in Water Signs, and the important role they play in the development of the plot and characters. Coming from a traditional home and raised in the Catholic Church, it never occurred to me that everyday activities -- like reading my daily horoscope with my mom every morning before going to school, and later, starting each day with a passage from the Daily Word magazine -- could be perceived by many as "anti-Christian, or anti-God".

Neither has ever changed the fundamental beliefs with which I was raised. Nor did the supernatural experience I had with the "remote viewing" psychic who turned out to be the only one who could rid me of the menacing panic and anxiety disorder that plagued me for many years.

When choosing to make some of my own trials and tribulations public knowledge via the character of Madeline Rose, I also strove to uphold traditional faith. In the Prologue, readers discover that the two main characters are taking marriage vows at St. Ambrose Catholic Church in Deerfield Beach, FL and throughout the book, attending weekly mass is an integral part of Maddy's life. In fact, much of her role as a catalyst for Ken involves helping him find his way back to their shared religious faith, although Maddy accomplishes it strictly through example:

"Hey Maddy?"

"Yes?"

"What time is mass tonight at St. Augustine, do you know?"

"Um, I am pretty sure it is still 6 p.m. on Saturday. Don't think they've gone back to winter hours yet. Why?"

"Because I'd like to go with you before we have dinner."

"Really?" Maddy was happily surprised by his request. Although she was a regular churchgoer, it had never been her style to force anyone else to adopt her habits; as long as a man respected her right to attend mass, she was fine with him staying home. Much more important to Maddy was the way in which he conducted his life. After all, Jake knelt in a pew every Sunday, and it hadn't prevented him from mistreating her.

"Sure," he said softly. "You inspire me, Madeline Rose. I want to do everything the right way."

And of course, at this phase of the book, "the right way" also entails waiting until marriage before consummating their relationship, just like God intended -- something Ken is more than willing to do, having realized from the start that Madeline is no ordinary woman. But such high ideals also cause complications in the relationship, not simply due to normal, raging hormones, but also to each one's nagging insecurities.

While Ken is thrilled by the prospect of someday being Maddy's "first", he fears the fact that he's been with other women somehow diminishes her opinion of him. In Chapter 6, during an intimate moment, he flat-out asks if she's bothered by his past:

"Does it bother you that I've been with a woman before?"

"Kenny, no," she sighed. "No...I don't judge you for that at all. I mean, it's completely normal. It's just that...well...I wish we were on the same level playing field in that regard, that's all. I know it's probably too much to hope for with any guy, but it kind of makes me feel bad, like I'm not being fair to you."

"Shh," he replied softly. "Madeline Rose, I am here with you because I wanna be. There's no one else like you out there. And if I have to wait to marry you before I can be with you, then that is exactly what I'm gonna do."

And while Catholic faith and family upbringing are motivating factors, there's also a much deeper psychological reason for Madeline's reticence -- the devastating duo of fear and insecurity. But try as she might, she remains frustratingly unable to express her true feelings to Ken who, as a result, spends a great deal of the book hurt and confused by her actions.

For Maddy, it went far beyond the "your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit" teachings of the Catholic Church, repeated so often throughout her schooling she could almost hear them in her sleep. She'd long ago accepted the validity of these words; indeed, she took them to heart and wanted nothing more than to give herself to her husband -- whoever he might turn out to be -- for the very first time on their wedding night. It was simply that, as she grew older, she realized how few people, good people, had practically applied the same beliefs.

In Part Two, as Maddy is adjusting to life in South Florida, coping with the news of Ken's engagement to another woman, and running into some pretty dishonorable men (I will devote another post to the exploration of the minor male characters of the book, deliberately created as a contrast to Ken), her faith in God is the one constant in her life, aside from the support of family and close friends.

Moving through these difficulties compels her to develop a deeper understanding and relationship with her Creator, an effort that is eventually assisted by Ann Claire and Unity Church. However, Madeline never once renounces the tenets of the faith within which she was raised, perceiving these new insights simply as methods for breathing life into her belief system. As a result, she's a stronger, more emotionally mature and spiritually advanced woman by the time she and Ken reunite toward the end of the novel.

For his part, Ken has also done quite a bit of maturing by the end -- mainly due to the responsibilities of fatherhood, the pressing demands of a successful career, and the struggle to save a marriage which, in the end, fails in spite of his best efforts. Still, the process of honoring his commitments makes him a better man. And it is not until his divorce is final that he and Madeline even come back into each other's lives -- a reunion that is guided along by the advice of a psychic.

To emphasize the characters' closeness with their respective mothers and to bring their spirituality full-circle, I purposely created Chapter 31 to center around a Mother's Day celebration at the home of Carl and Paula Lockheart, Ken's parents. He and Maddy have just spent a platonic night together in Madeline's home, after having spent an entire day rediscovering each other and clearing up the misunderstandings from the past. I will delve more into the specifics of this mutual emotional release in another post, but it is no coincidence that their forgiveness of each other's previous transgressions and reaffirmation of their love for each other is confirmed through their attendance at mass the next day:

"Standing in the pew with him again, reciting familiar prayers and singing timeless church hymns had been such a powerfully emotional experience -- and yet another example of having come "full-circle". There were several moments during the service when she found herself dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, thoroughly overwhelmed in the best sense of the word. It was during those times that Ken would look over and smile, or squeeze her hand reassuringly."

This divine experience is followed by Madeline finally meeting Ken's parents after sixteen long years -- a delightful scene that unfolds over dinner and karaoke at the elder Lockhearts' Royal Oak Hills home, where among other welcome news, Maddy learns that Carl and Ken have also reconciled their past differences and now share a close father-son relationship. This scene also marks the first time she has sung in front of audience in quite some time, another example of coming full-circle.

Both characters also acknowledge the hand of God not just in their much-desired reunion, but along the broken road that ultimately led them back to each other.

Coming Soon: more fact versus fiction, thoughts on the character of Erin and a look at some of the other men Maddy dates.