God and Spirituality in Water Signs, Part Two

In Part One, I discussed the prevalence of faith, God and spirituality in Water Signs, and the important role they play in the development of the plot and characters. Coming from a traditional home and raised in the Catholic Church, it never occurred to me that everyday activities -- like reading my daily horoscope with my mom every morning before going to school, and later, starting each day with a passage from the Daily Word magazine -- could be perceived by many as "anti-Christian, or anti-God".

Neither has ever changed the fundamental beliefs with which I was raised. Nor did the supernatural experience I had with the "remote viewing" psychic who turned out to be the only one who could rid me of the menacing panic and anxiety disorder that plagued me for many years.

When choosing to make some of my own trials and tribulations public knowledge via the character of Madeline Rose, I also strove to uphold traditional faith. In the Prologue, readers discover that the two main characters are taking marriage vows at St. Ambrose Catholic Church in Deerfield Beach, FL and throughout the book, attending weekly mass is an integral part of Maddy's life. In fact, much of her role as a catalyst for Ken involves helping him find his way back to their shared religious faith, although Maddy accomplishes it strictly through example:

"Hey Maddy?"

"Yes?"

"What time is mass tonight at St. Augustine, do you know?"

"Um, I am pretty sure it is still 6 p.m. on Saturday. Don't think they've gone back to winter hours yet. Why?"

"Because I'd like to go with you before we have dinner."

"Really?" Maddy was happily surprised by his request. Although she was a regular churchgoer, it had never been her style to force anyone else to adopt her habits; as long as a man respected her right to attend mass, she was fine with him staying home. Much more important to Maddy was the way in which he conducted his life. After all, Jake knelt in a pew every Sunday, and it hadn't prevented him from mistreating her.

"Sure," he said softly. "You inspire me, Madeline Rose. I want to do everything the right way."

And of course, at this phase of the book, "the right way" also entails waiting until marriage before consummating their relationship, just like God intended -- something Ken is more than willing to do, having realized from the start that Madeline is no ordinary woman. But such high ideals also cause complications in the relationship, not simply due to normal, raging hormones, but also to each one's nagging insecurities.

While Ken is thrilled by the prospect of someday being Maddy's "first", he fears the fact that he's been with other women somehow diminishes her opinion of him. In Chapter 6, during an intimate moment, he flat-out asks if she's bothered by his past:

"Does it bother you that I've been with a woman before?"

"Kenny, no," she sighed. "No...I don't judge you for that at all. I mean, it's completely normal. It's just that...well...I wish we were on the same level playing field in that regard, that's all. I know it's probably too much to hope for with any guy, but it kind of makes me feel bad, like I'm not being fair to you."

"Shh," he replied softly. "Madeline Rose, I am here with you because I wanna be. There's no one else like you out there. And if I have to wait to marry you before I can be with you, then that is exactly what I'm gonna do."

And while Catholic faith and family upbringing are motivating factors, there's also a much deeper psychological reason for Madeline's reticence -- the devastating duo of fear and insecurity. But try as she might, she remains frustratingly unable to express her true feelings to Ken who, as a result, spends a great deal of the book hurt and confused by her actions.

For Maddy, it went far beyond the "your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit" teachings of the Catholic Church, repeated so often throughout her schooling she could almost hear them in her sleep. She'd long ago accepted the validity of these words; indeed, she took them to heart and wanted nothing more than to give herself to her husband -- whoever he might turn out to be -- for the very first time on their wedding night. It was simply that, as she grew older, she realized how few people, good people, had practically applied the same beliefs.

In Part Two, as Maddy is adjusting to life in South Florida, coping with the news of Ken's engagement to another woman, and running into some pretty dishonorable men (I will devote another post to the exploration of the minor male characters of the book, deliberately created as a contrast to Ken), her faith in God is the one constant in her life, aside from the support of family and close friends.

Moving through these difficulties compels her to develop a deeper understanding and relationship with her Creator, an effort that is eventually assisted by Ann Claire and Unity Church. However, Madeline never once renounces the tenets of the faith within which she was raised, perceiving these new insights simply as methods for breathing life into her belief system. As a result, she's a stronger, more emotionally mature and spiritually advanced woman by the time she and Ken reunite toward the end of the novel.

For his part, Ken has also done quite a bit of maturing by the end -- mainly due to the responsibilities of fatherhood, the pressing demands of a successful career, and the struggle to save a marriage which, in the end, fails in spite of his best efforts. Still, the process of honoring his commitments makes him a better man. And it is not until his divorce is final that he and Madeline even come back into each other's lives -- a reunion that is guided along by the advice of a psychic.

To emphasize the characters' closeness with their respective mothers and to bring their spirituality full-circle, I purposely created Chapter 31 to center around a Mother's Day celebration at the home of Carl and Paula Lockheart, Ken's parents. He and Maddy have just spent a platonic night together in Madeline's home, after having spent an entire day rediscovering each other and clearing up the misunderstandings from the past. I will delve more into the specifics of this mutual emotional release in another post, but it is no coincidence that their forgiveness of each other's previous transgressions and reaffirmation of their love for each other is confirmed through their attendance at mass the next day:

"Standing in the pew with him again, reciting familiar prayers and singing timeless church hymns had been such a powerfully emotional experience -- and yet another example of having come "full-circle". There were several moments during the service when she found herself dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, thoroughly overwhelmed in the best sense of the word. It was during those times that Ken would look over and smile, or squeeze her hand reassuringly."

This divine experience is followed by Madeline finally meeting Ken's parents after sixteen long years -- a delightful scene that unfolds over dinner and karaoke at the elder Lockhearts' Royal Oak Hills home, where among other welcome news, Maddy learns that Carl and Ken have also reconciled their past differences and now share a close father-son relationship. This scene also marks the first time she has sung in front of audience in quite some time, another example of coming full-circle.

Both characters also acknowledge the hand of God not just in their much-desired reunion, but along the broken road that ultimately led them back to each other.

Coming Soon: more fact versus fiction, thoughts on the character of Erin and a look at some of the other men Maddy dates.

God and Spirituality in Water Signs

As in real life, faith and belief in God and spiritual growth play a major role in Water Signs, particularly in the character development of the book's heroine, Madeline. Like me, she was brought up in a traditional, Catholic home where the family attended weekly mass together, celebrated sacramental milestones (First Holy Communion, Confirmation, etc) and sent their children to parochial school. One of the things for which I am most grateful to this very day is the solid foundation of faith my parents gave me -- along with clear boundaries of discipline. While I never thought of them as being overly strict or too lenient, my guess is that by today's standards, most kids would view them as "out of touch".

Given the prevalence of current cultural problems like drug and alcohol abuse, sexually transmitted diseases and generally out-of-control, irresponsible behavior, I consider myself very fortunate indeed to have grown up with parents who cared enough to set and enforce the rules. This responsibility mainly fell onto my mom, since my dad's work as a surgeon often kept him out of the house during the after-school hours of dinner, homework and play time. Being a strong, independent and determined woman, mom was never one to scold, "Just wait until your father gets home!" when one of us was in need of severe reprimanding. Whenever there was a need for punishment (which, in truth, was rare as we were all pretty good kids most of the time), she had no qualms dispensing it. For me, one warning look from my mother was typically enough to change my behavior. I knew she meant business.

But I also knew her as not only disciplinarian, but as ever-willing helper with school-work, homeroom mother, Home & School Association President, confidante and comforter. Perhaps most importantly, she was also my first spiritual guide who taught me how to make the Sign of the Cross and recite prayers like the Our Father. And the values imparted in the home were reinforced through 18 years of Catholic schooling -- from Montessori to university.

However, our traditional beliefs never stopped us from doing something that I now know many Christians consider the work of the Devil -- reading a daily horoscope. Along with the crossword puzzle, my mother and I used to take great delight in checking out that day's forecast for Aries and Pisces, our respective signs. Never did either of us think of it as anything more than fun entertainment, kind of like a thought for the day. And in no way did it change our beliefs about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit; it was simply an enjoyable activity that became part of our morning routine.

In the novel, the same is true for Madeline. Thus, when she unexpectedly makes Ken's acquaintance at the Somers Point dance club in Chapter One, she takes no offense when he expresses his delight upon discovering that they are both Pisces. He's further intrigued to learn that not only do they share the same sign, but also the same exact birthday, down to the year. As an author, I gave my two main characters the same date of birth to enhance the "star-crossed", "soul-mate" aspect of the novel, as if to suggest that God purposely brought these two souls into the world simultaneously so that they could experience life in a physical body and aid in each other's spiritual growth while on Earth. Once they'd finally met each other for seemingly the first time (at least at the physical level), this purpose could be fulfilled. In real-life, "Ken" and I are both Pisces born in the same year, but about two weeks apart.

The Pisces symbol also reflects real life significance in terms of Madeline's grandmother. In a previous post, I revealed that March 7 -- the shared birthday of Ken and Madeline -- was actually my maternal grandmother's birthday. I'd enjoyed an especially close bond with her, having been born several months after my grandfather's death and thus provided her a much-needed, joyful distraction from bereavement and sorrow. According to my mom, it was almost as if I were her baby, given the way she constantly doted over me. Although she died quite traumatically a month before I turned seven, my remembrances of her are crystal-clear, thanks to the close bond we'd shared, and the many wonderful hours we'd spent together. "Nanny" epitomized everything a grandmother should be: loving, warm, caring and comforting. A stickler for looking her best, she always had her hair done, and wore nice dresses with matching pearl necklaces and earrings. Her best accessories, however, were her ever-present smile and joyful disposition.

Which brings me to perhaps the most controversial element of the book, which is also an event straight out of real life. While still battling panic and anxiety disorder -- in spite of embracing just about every known remedy from prayer and meditation to Yoga and exercise -- I bumped into a very interesting woman at a monthly business/networking meeting. Trained in what is known in military circles as "remote viewing", she was in reality what most civilians call a psychic -- and many Christians a "Handmaiden of the Devil", although upon first sight, she looked like just another no-nonsense businesswoman.

When Maddy meets Ann Claire in the novel, it's an accurate retelling of my own experience. Thus, when Ann accurately calls out Maddy's guilt for "leaving behind a middle brother who is handicapped" (my brother Ralph who is in-between oldest son, Mark, and youngest son, Paul), and notes that she is still "in mourning" for a grandmother who'd passed away over 20 years prior, it's an example of fact that has only been fictionalized marginally. I might have changed the names and altered the descriptions a bit, but the basic events are 100% true, including the fact that Maddy awakes one morning -- six months after a private reading with Ann -- to discover that for the first time in years, her head is clear, her stomach is calm and that the black cloud that seemed to relentlessly hang over her head has completely dissipated:

And exactly six months later, Maddy awoke with a clear head, a calm stomach and an overall feeling of excellent health for the first time in nearly eight years. It was as if a black cloud had finally been lifted, leaving a clear, blue sky and a brilliant rainbow in its place. Overcome with sheer gratitude, joy and relief, Madeline called Ann to share the wonderful news, exclaiming,

"Ann, thank God I ran into you that night! I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't -- I was at my wits' end!"

"Madeline," she replied dryly, "You manifested me into your life, don't you know that? God led you to me, based on your own intentions."

As was true for me at the time, Madeline doesn't quite grasp the meaning of that statement until much later, when she takes a course at Unity Church in Delray Beach. She'd been reading Daily Word faithfully for years, having been gifted a subscription by her mother, and had even called their toll-free prayer line on many occasions, without really knowing anything more about the organization. That would change upon meeting the local minister and taking a few classes.

More thoughts on God and spirituality in my next post.

Is Professionalism Passe in Cyberspace?

I interrupt my regularly scheduled book blogging to opine on a related matter that has been bugging me for quite some time -- namely, the lack of professionalism in cyberspace. Ok, I could go on and on about the lack of it in real life too, but for the purposes of this post, let me stick to upholding the internet as an egregious example of what can happen when adults behave like children.

After having viewed some pretty idiotic, infantile twitter updates and blog posts from allegedly professional, busy and successful members of the business community, I've concluded that it doesn't seem to matter how educated, knowledgeable or hard-working some people are; in their minds technology, unlike real life, simply does not demand a certain set of standards.

For example, why is it that we'd never purposely spell a word incorrectly in a business correspondence, personal letter or even an email, yet some of us think it's cute (or worse, cool, as if middle-aged men should still be concerned with such things) to do so in a 140-word character status? I am not quibbling with the necessary use of abbreviations when limited to such a low word-count -- I am talking about deliberately misspelling common words.

Case in point: A guy whom I know for a fact to be a full-grown adult, constantly uses werkin instead of working to describe what he's doing at that specific point in time.

Perhaps he's attempting to be humorous; perhaps he's going through a mid-life crisis, but whatever the case, it's an unappealing use of language. Why not abbreviate as workin if hard-pressed for characters, instead of presenting yourself as an immature surfer dude pretending to be a formidable businessman? Maybe it's the English Major in me, but in an age when we're already dealing with the consequences of a dumbed-down population, the least intelligent people can do is set a good example.

Which leads me to another quibble with another supposed grown-up, a woman who describes herself as an advertising professional and award-winning graphic designer. While I understand the valid point she's attempting to make when discussing the importance of a logo for branding purposes, somehow titling a post "Don't Screw with the Logo" seems to negate her purpose and detract from her character. Why not something along the lines of "Don't Mess with the Logo"? It makes the same point without being crude and insulting.

But judging from the lengthy tirade she launches against a competitor in the body of her post, perhaps that was her intention. While the author of the blog probably believes otherwise (and I do credit her for not actually naming the competition), she comes across as petty and petulant -- hardly someone with which any reputable organization would want to do business. There's a fine line between promoting one's own talent and skill, and presenting oneself as an entitled recipient of clients, based on a subjective opinion. Thus, the legitimacy of her premise is lost amid the snarky tone of her piece.

Or is it just me?

I had a discussion with another adult professional, a friend for over 15 years, who told me about the use of the word "dude" in a marketing email she'd received. Since the product had been aimed at both a male and female demographic, she took issue with being addressed with a term typically reserved for males. When I questioned the credibility of "dude" for marketing purposes even for males over a certain age, she felt it was still appropriate, that her only problem with it was the gender factor. I respectfully disagree, believing that "dude" is a juvenile title best reserved for kids under the age of eighteen. It's also a symptom of the larger cultural problem of an over-extended adolescence. No wonder style trumped substance in the 2008 presidential election!

Other inane twitter updates I've seen include such gems as "getting ready to strangle mom in law" (wonder how that went over with the wife?), descriptions of the number of times an owner's dog did his business during a walk and the urgent need for holding a beer in one hand while grilling with the other. Ok, the latter two are lame attempts at humor, but really, the mother-in-law comment? Very bad taste, no matter how justified (if at all) the author might be.

And in an especially egregious status update given the state of the economy, a small business owner with pressing deadlines laments about being summoned for jury duty when so many others are unemployed, implying that those apparently lucky (in her eyes), jobless souls should be the ones inconvenienced by civic responsibility, not important people like her. Pardon me, but if you're an overworked entrepreneur during a difficult recession with over 10% unemployment, I'd say a little gratitude -- not to mention, tact -- is in order. Yes, jury duty can be a detriment to the bottom line, but creating a status update bemoaning a minor obstacle while simultaneously taking potshots at others in retaliation is just plain rude and insensitive.

As is the case with real life, there are times when silence -- or in the case of modern technology -- a silent keyboard, is golden.

Or is professionalism passe in the world of social media?

Creating Ken, Part Two

The process of transforming a real person -- in this case, a former romantic interest -- into a heroic, fictional character was quite interesting, to say the least. As I noted in Creating Ken, Part One, memory can be a tricky mechanism. At first, when the floodgates had unexpectedly burst open in my mind, overwhelming me with thoughts of the real guy and what had taken place sixteen years earlier, the way he'd treated me, the things he'd said, the way he'd looked, etc. all I could think about were the good times, and all I could do was cry over what might have been.

I remembered our unusual meeting at the club, his initial attraction to my statuesque girlfriend and the means by which we ended up spending the night dancing and laughing until the 2 a.m. closing time. I cracked up reminiscing about going around the traffic circle to The Point Diner with him afterwards as a compromise, since I'd rebuffed several offers to go back his place for coffee (I didn't write this dialogue in the scene in the novel, but I was apologetic, explaining that although he didn't look dangerous, I couldn't take a chance. He just sort of made a funny face in reply, prompting more laughter).

On and on these wonderful mental recreations went, moving into our first real kiss at the top of the Taj Mahal; a weekend spent going to a dinner theater on Saturday evening, followed by an Eagles game on Sunday; hanging out at his place looking through photo albums from his time in the US Navy; and of course, fighting the internal battle between physical attraction and fear, desire and morality.

And just like Madeline, I simply could not express in words what I was feeling. Thus, the occasions when I'd make him drive me back across the 9th Street Bridge from his bachelor townhouse in Somers Point to my family's vacation home in Ocean City, where a houseful of people provided the comfort of knowing there would be no danger of caving in to temptation.

Then came the painful stuff: my mom's uncharacteristic meddling in the relationship simply because the guy had not yet completed his undergraduate degree (to be discussed in a future post) which led me to write a Dear John letter in spite of the facts that I 1) wanted to continue the relationship; and 2) had the support of everyone else in my family.

Ken, after all, had a wonderful sense of humor, an infectious love of life, a quick-wit and obvious intelligence. Moreover, he was cute, romantic, manly and apparently enamored of me. In short, since he was the polar opposite of the jerk who'd dumped me over the phone a few months' prior, I didn't quite know how to handle his penchant for regularly telling me I was beautiful, and complimenting me on everything from the way I was dressed to the way I spoke in enthusiastic energy bursts (especially when the topic centered around the Eagles/NFL football and politics).

Then came anger. Anger at myself. Anger that, in spite of years of dating, I'd not yet found, nor married anyone who'd demonstrated the same sort of affection and respect.

Anger at him for also being human and for doing some pretty darned hurtful and stupid things, like picking a fight with me one summer evening when I casually stated over the phone that I didn't "care" what time he got off from work -- that I would meet him whenever he was done for our date. What I'd meant was that I understood and did not hold against him the fact that he had to work a late shift, and although I perhaps could have stated it better, he did react immaturely. In the end, we made up at the same club where we'd originally met each other. And unlike the book, "Ken" and I danced to Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight that evening, whereas Madeline and Ken partake in a "dance" of a different sort while this song plays in the background in Chapter 34.

And -- lest I forget -- anger at him for standing me up for a ski date without so much as the courtesy of a phone call (to this day, I have no idea what really happened, but suspect he was already either living in Florida, or in the process of moving south); calling me out of the blue six months later to announce his relocation to The Sunshine State; and withholding the minor detail that his so-called "platonic female roommate" was actually his fiancée (not even coming clean after I'd finally declared my intention to make the move to Florida myself).

Was this payback for hurting him?

I'll admit, I folded to unfairly imposed pressure, which led me to cancel out on attending both a family wedding and a work party as his date, then subsequently break up with him (before we got back together in a sense, a month or so later). So it's fair to say that we each dished it out as much as we took it. Still, it hit me like a ton of bricks -- notwithstanding women's intuition -- the day he showed up at my apartment and confirmed what I already knew in my heart to be true.

This particular portion of the memory reel was akin to watching a tragic movie in which -- no matter how hard you might wish for a different ending -- the hero succumbs to his illness, or dies valiantly in a dangerous rescue effort on the battlefield. Shedding my selective, 14+ year-old, self-imposed amnesia was not only incredibly painful and ultimately fruitless on a personal relationship level, it was also quite healing and inevitably useful in a professional sense, as it led to the creation of Water Signs. As I've said, writing is therapy. And when people actually like what you've written, it's also unbelievably fulfilling.

While reliving the good, bad and the ugly, I realized that "Ken", like all people, had his faults. He was not above pettiness, nor was he immune to the foibles of human nature. When his heart and ego were bruised, he responded by bruising back in kind. I doubt he ever expected me to work up the courage to uproot my life "up north" and relocate to a tropical paradise where my only known contacts aside from him were former schoolmates of my parents I'd never even met, but who nonetheless opened the doors of their home to me until I could secure my own living arrangements.

I can only imagine what must've gone through his mind as another woman's betrothed, knowing that a former romantic interest would now be living in the vicinity, blissfully unaware of the truth. This is yet another example of something I had to completely fabricate in the novel -- thus fictional Ken embarks on a lot of soul-searching in the wake of Maddy's unsettling news, prompting him to meet his mother for a heart-to-heart at the Deerfield Beach Fishing Pier, during which he expresses his "torn between two lovers" dilemma.

Was this the case in real life? Did "Ken" experience an emotional tug-of-war, featuring conflicting feelings for two distinct women, or was it simply guilt for withholding important information from me? Who knows for sure, although in another entry I will share some real-life events and conversations that transpired as a parallel to the novel's manifestation. Suffice it to say, there are some occurrences in life about which we don't always receive clear, genuine answers, and that is certainly true to some degree in this instance. The best you (I) can (could) do is (was) learn from the experience and draw from it whatever is (was) helpful, uplifting and positive.

For me, that was creating an amazing network of friends and contacts in my adopted state, and writing my first novel.

More to come in another post.

Creating Ken, Part One

Although most of my Water Signs characters are inspired by and/or based upon real people I've known or met in my lifetime, at some point during the writing process, they took on rich, full identities that extended far and beyond their initial conceptions. Nowhere is this more evident than in the case of my two protagonists, Ken (based on a man I met in my 20s at the Jersey Shore) and Madeline (based on me, and named for my grandmother and mother).

For the purposes of this particular entry, I want to focus on Ken as an example of how to incorporate some of the qualities, mannerisms and attributes of a real person into a fictional counterpart. To minimize confusion while simultaneously honoring copyright laws, I will use "Ken" when referring to the flesh-and-blood man, and Ken when referring to the character that turns Maddy's world upside-down in the novel.

Briefly, I met "Ken" when I was a young, somewhat naive woman of 25 (I know for some the "naive" part might be hard to fathom given the age, but I assure you, dear readers, it is the truth). Although I come from a loving, supportive and at times, rambunctious family that encouraged me to go for my dreams and believe in myself, I possessed stubborn, lingering insecurities over being "too fat", "not good enough" and even "undesirable", thanks to the normal slings and arrows of childhood and adolescence. Children and teenagers can be very unforgiving of things like an extra few pounds, especially teenage high school boys. Being a sensitive Pisces sort didn't help either, as I tended to internalize unpleasantness to the point where I would completely overlook reality.

Therefore, even after losing weight and becoming an attractive twenty-something, I still clung to an old, worn-out image of myself that no amount of positive feedback on any of my attributes could break. For example, I've been blessed with great skin, mostly due to the luck of the gene pool. But no matter how many times someone would genuinely compliment me on it, it was hard to absorb the truth in what they were articulating; in my mind, paying a compliment -- sincere as it might be -- was simply something people did to be nice. This tendency only got worse when my first boyfriend, immortalized in the book as "Jake Winston", continually criticized me for everything from my hairstyle to the way I looked in a bathing suit.

Needless to say, outside of my dad, brothers, other relatives and a few close family friends, I regarded men suspiciously. They seemed to be people who inflicted a lot of emotional pain, interested in only one thing (for which you had to have the "perfect" face and body to qualify). The summer I met "Ken", I'd just endured a pretty traumatic break-up with "Jake" and was still reeling from the hurtful things he'd said and done, not to mention the cowardly way in which he'd ended our relationship over the phone.

"Ken" -- who was so full of life and energy -- completely blew me away. The night we unexpectedly ended up together at a dance club in Somers Point (yes, Chapter One is pretty faithful to reality) after my girlfriend "Carmen" (whose character is written exactly as I remember her) trotted off with another female friend and their two Iranian paramours, I amazed myself with my own words and actions -- not the least of which was announcing my intention to hang out with "Ken", rather than go home at 10 p.m. (the thought of being alone in a crowded dance club was tantamount to torture).

After all, he'd bought a long-stemmed rose initially for my exotic friend, not me, when we were shaking our booties on the dance floor to some high-energy tunes. I remember laughing with her as we moved to the beat, then -- as if out of nowhere -- seeing this hand in front of her, bearing the delicate red flower with the red devil attached to its stem. I visually traced the path from stem, to bloom to arm, until I finally noticed a tall, muscular, blond guy with a great smile nodding at her. She accepted the gesture, and as they began to dance, I headed back to our cocktail table, half-laughing to myself (knowing her date for the evening was set to arrive any moment), half-annoyed (she already had a date; why couldn't some cute guy buy me a rose for change?).

So in the parking lot moments later, in the wake of his clearly expressed irritation at "Carmen" (if you already had a date, you damn well should have told me!), it was as if someone else spoke through me when I suddenly 1) complimented him for bringing along an extra shirt, which we'd all just witnessed him change into; and 2) announced in no uncertain terms that I would not be a "fifth wheel", but would instead "stay here and hang out with Ken" for the night. It's a testament to my pathetic sense of self-worth at the time that I immediately followed that by asking if it was alright with him, and then breathed a huge sigh of relief when he agreed to the arrangement.

But from that point on, "Ken" was a charming, attentive companion, once I demanded (in a another surprising move) that either he stop complaining about my friend or I was "outta here"! And when he reacted with amusement, instead of annoyance, it intrigued me. In the instant he took my hand and playfully announced, "Then let's dance!" I knew the rest of the night would be memorable. I didn't bank on ever seeing him again, mistrusting his obvious interest in me, thanks mainly to the baggage I was still carrying around. And yet, true to his promise, he showed up at the beach the very next day, much to my amazement and my family's entertainment (Chapter Two humorously recounts the event in vivid detail).

So how does Ken differ from "Ken" and vice-versa?

In the beginning at least, "Ken" like his alter-ego, was incredibly complimentary, affectionate and respectful. He was also the first (and so far, only) guy to marvel at the small size of my hands. When we'd socialized together that night at the club, I remember him picking up one of my hands and kissing it, apparently fascinated. He'd often tell me how beautiful I was, and there were many occasions when I'd catch him staring at me (which of course, made me nervous since I still didn't see myself that way).

Both men are Pisces, although I changed the birthdays, giving characters Ken and Madeline a shared birthday of March 7, in honor of my late grandmother's birthday. My real birthday is March 14, but I thought it would be fun to add to the "star-crossed" appeal of the love story by bringing my characters into the world on the exact day, month and year. Thus, "Ken" and Daria are both Pisces, albeit about two-weeks or so apart, whereas Ken and Madeline not only share the same Zodiac, but also the same time of arrival on the earthly plane of existence.

Other similarities between "Ken" and Ken: US Navy service, working-class upbringing, Catholic schooling, close relationship with mom, difficult relationship with dad, desire for a better life, trailblazers in their families, passionate, patriotic, well-groomed, athletic, good dancers, fun-loving, smart, handsome, insecure at times, sensitive to a fault on occasion, hard-working, ambitious, strong, family-oriented and in possession of an ingrained sense of duty, honor and responsibility.

Both men hurt Madeline (and me) deeply, purposely and unintentionally, depending upon the circumstance. Both men confessed to "not wanting to live in sin anymore" as at least one motivation for marriage, and admitted (with obvious resignation) to "turning into my father after all". Both wanted to have their cake and eat it, too in terms of retaining a friendship with Maddy/me after withholding the truth about their commitment to another woman.

Perhaps due to the fact that I am working on a sequel, the differences between fact and fiction have become more pronounced. As Ken develops and expands as a character in Sea To Shining Sea, he gets further and further away from his initial inspiration -- a process that began somewhere in the middle of Water Signs. Quite possibly, this occurred somewhere around Chapter 30 or so, when the book started to dramatically transform from a fusion of fact and fiction, into purely fictional territory.

I'll discuss this in greater detail in the next post.

Fact into Fiction: Part Five

Reconciliation between Water Signs' two main characters, Madeline Rose and Kenneth Lockheart

As mentioned previously, when the story unfolds in 1992, the character of Madeline Rose is still somewhat naive and insecure, in spite of having grown into an attractive young woman of 25. She's just endured an incredibly painful breakup with her first boyfriend, and is reeling from the ramifications, in spite of the realization it was all for the best. Indeed, as the story progresses, readers learn via flashbacks and conversations among characters that Jake Winston's abrupt exit from Madeline's life -- while clumsy and cruel -- is also a tremendous relief to those who love her.

Unfortunately, having occurred on the heels of a difficult adolescence wherein dates were as scarce as 80-degree days in the middle of January in Pennsylvania, it wreaks havoc with her ability to see herself as a vital, attractive and smart young woman who is worthy of the good things in life.

When a twist of fate leads to a shared late-summer evening at a Somers Point, New Jersey nightclub with a fun-loving, intelligent and handsome former US Navy sailor -- who also happens to be her exact same age -- it never occurs to Madeline that the meeting will progress beyond a few laughs and couple of dances. Ken's impressive self-sufficiency and life experience are simultaneously a source of pride and conflict. On one hand, she's genuinely thrilled to know of someone who's overcome obstacles and admirably served his country; on the other, she cannot help but draw an unfair comparison between this new guy and her ex-boyfriend.

Will he, like Jake before him, resent her for not having to endure the same family and financial challenges? Worse, will he view her as someone whose physical appearance, while acceptable, still needs some improvement?

Of course, the fact that Ken initially makes overtures to her exotic, statuesque friend Carmen (with the purchase and presentation of a long-stemmed rose) lays the foundation for her erroneous belief that he is simply marking time by agreeing to hang out with her. While to readers it should become fairly obvious rather quickly that the US Navy vet is truly charmed by his unlikely date for the evening, thanks to Madeline's inability to let go of the recent past, she cannot quite accept that reality. Thus, several hours later, she's amazed that he actually followed through with his promise to meet her at the beach.

For his part, Ken is quite enamored of his new romantic interest, and her wonderful, welcoming family. However, due to Madeline's inability to adequately express herself, he's puzzled by her reaction to his sincere compliments and genuine desire to someday make her his wife. He's also intrigued by her innocence, and hopelessly enticed by the very real possibility of becoming her "first" and only.

But Ken is not without his own insecurities, the most insurmountable of which are his feelings of not being good enough for the daughter of a successful neurosurgeon -- a situation that is only exacerbated when Maddy abruptly ends the relationship because of maternal pressure. Seems Mrs. Rose, although she finds Ken to be a likable and mannerly young man, cannot get over the fact that he's not yet completed his college degree.

Monica's pride in her own father's accomplishment of having graduated from Temple Pharmacy School in 1919 (during a time when such an achievement by immigrants was nearly unheard of), becomes a source of heretofore nonexistent contention between mother and youngest child. Further, with the rest of her brood either married or on their way to the altar, the sticking point of a college education appears to be the only way to slow down a relationship that is moving much too fast for her liking.

Though she has the blessing of the rest of her family -- including Dr. Rose -- to continue the relationship, Madeline's utter distaste for conflict, particularly between her two parents, along with her own seemingly insurmountable insecurities, conspire to lead her to a series of very unfortunate actions. Among the pain and hurt she unintentionally inflicts upon Ken are her decisions to back out of being his date for a work party and a wedding, and ending the relationship with a Dear John letter.

And although the pair reunites shortly thereafter, Madeline's inability to communicate the motivations behind her actions, ultimately leads to more heartbreak. Perhaps unconsciously, Ken decides to inflict the same sort of heartbreak upon her when he stands her up for a much-anticipated ski date; months later, a phone call out of the blue adds insult to injury when he reveals he's relocated to Florida.

Several more months down the road, after a series of regular phone calls from Ken, during which he encourages and at times, implores her to join him, Madeline finally makes her shocking (to those who know and love her) and bold move to The Sunshine State, simultaneously wanting to be with Ken and frustrated with life "up north". She cannot seem to gain traction either in a fulfilling career or a loving relationship (though she's certainly given the dating scene plenty of tries); further, it has become increasingly difficult to watch her siblings' lives progress even as her own remains stagnant.

What she doesn't bargain for is the discovery that Ken's "platonic" roommate is actually his betrothed -- a suspicion that's confirmed by an in-person visit to her apartment not long after her arrival in South Florida. A humiliated, angry and devastated Maddy nevertheless takes the high road when Ken asks her point-blank how she feels about the news; in an Oscar-worthy performance, she leads him to believe she's moved on.

Thus when the two characters unexpectedly reunite well over a decade later, there is much to discuss, forgive and reconcile before they can renew and revitalize their relationship into something that far surpasses anything they'd experienced before. Both have grown and matured to the point where honest communication leads to genuine understanding and full release of the mistakes of the past. All is forgiven, and all that matters to them now is the present moment.

Coming soon: the mother-daughter bond, and the theme of reconciliation.

Fact into Fiction: Part Four

More thoughts on the reconciliation theme as it relates to real life transforming into fiction.

In my previous piece, I drew a comparison/contrast between the characters of Dr. Joseph Rose and Ken Lockheart, the two embodiments of The American Dream in Water Signs. Though generations apart, both Joseph and Ken overcome similar obstacles in their quest for a better life that expands far beyond their respective, humble beginnings. It should also be clear from that post, but bears repeating here, that although they rise above challenging material circumstances, both men retain the traditional values with which they were raised.

These values -- love of God, family, and country, and commitment to a strong work ethic -- transcend the financial, and thus are not dependent upon how much money a family possesses, although consistent adherence to them serves each of these characters well.

Dr. Rose moves from the poor son of a tailor to respected Philadelphia neurosurgeon, while Ken transforms from son of a blue-collar union worker (who takes great offense at his youngest child's ambitions) to successful corporate businessman. Yet neither loses their sense of gratitude for the United States of America and the opportunities it affords them, nor their ingrained belief in right and wrong.

Ken differs from Joseph in having the extra burden of paternal disapproval, a reality explored throughout the book with the ultimate result being the renewal of the father-son relationship. But that's not the only parent-child connection intertwined in the reconciliation theme. And there's also a thread of forgiveness surrounding other influential figures such as school teachers.

Like her suitor Ken, Madeline is the youngest child in her family, another sensitive Pisces creation who came into the world on the exact same day and year. She's also been raised in the Catholic faith and school system, which has had its blessings and disadvantages. In one scene, she confides in her new beau that as a first-grader, her teacher-nun made her life miserable from the moment she discovered Madeline to be the daughter of a doctor, branding her "a spoiled rich girl" . Whenever the six year-old would show up at school in a perfectly beautiful hand-me-down jacket from her older sister, the nun would inevitably sneer, "Oh, I see Daddy bought you a new jacket!", as if having a family that cared for their children's material needs was a bad thing.

These insults were usually accompanied by lectures about the poor children in West Philly, which apparently the nun believed to be the fault of a first-grader who didn't share the same hardships. And although this is not in the book, I remember that the First Grade Sister's favorite Bible quote was Jesus' admonition that is was easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than it was for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

In real life, I have vague memories of asking my father about that oft-quoted Bible passage, horrified by the prospect that a good man like him might not go to heaven because he had money (I should also point out that while my dad made a nice living, we were a middle-class family, nowhere close to millionaire status). He did his best to assure me that Jesus was not condemning anyone for using their God-given talents to bless the world and, in his case, help people heal.

Another memory that is mentioned in the book involves riding home from school in the car with my mother, after another day of lecturing about the poor, disadvantaged kids in Philly. As we passed the familiar waste management company on the right side of the road, I remarked, "Mommy, I wish Daddy was a trash collector instead of a doctor!"

My horrified mother looked at me briefly before reverting her eyes back to the road and asked, "Why on earth would you say something like that?"

My response: "Because maybe if he was, Sr. Timothy Ann would like me!"

She then instructed me that I should be very proud of my father, as he was not robbing banks, but helping people get well. He hadn't been handed everything on a silver platter; he'd worked hard for everything he had and shared with us. Being the protective (thank God!) "Mama Bear" she was, this little exchange resulted in a one-on-one visit with both the principal and the nun in question. To the best of my recollection, things did improve after that, but the damage had already been done.

As in my own life, the mixed messages Maddy receives about earning money contribute to her difficulties in achieving her own financial success as an adult. When she dates Jake Winston, her first long-term boyfriend, he reinforces the themes of the frustratingly misquoted "money is the root of all evil" (instead of "love of money is the root of all evil"). Years later, Madeline, through her own spiritual development, is able to forgive both the nun and the boyfriend by recognizing their own unique internal struggles that led them to inflict their pain and warped monetary outlook onto her.

In Jake's case, his resentment over his family's financial crisis -- a difficulty not shared by his then-girlfriend Madeline -- compels him to do and say hurtful things that ultimately doom their relationship. Regarding Sr. Timothy Ann, while there's no concrete information as to the circumstances of her upbringing, it is safe to assume that a misinterpretation of her voluntary vows most likely contributed to her nastiness toward an innocent little girl. In fairness, there were plenty of nice sisters who never resorted to these tactics, sticking instead to the fundamentals of teaching the Catholic faith along with English, Math, Science, Social Studies and all of the other critical school subjects.

Interestingly enough, I am currently towards the end of an eight-week course offered by Unity Church of Delray Beach called Five Gifts for An Abundant Life. My last two classes have focused on forgiveness of others and forgiveness of self. Years prior to taking this course and writing Water Signs, I'd participated in a 12-week course which was also sponsored by Unity -- Stretton Smiths 4T Prosperity Program. I credit the principles I've learned there -- particularly in the area of forgiveness -- with helping me to recognize and release the negative programming I've received, along with cultivating a compassionate understanding for the people who perpetuated it.

It's been a long, but fulfilling journey, and I hope by presenting these themes within the confines of an entertaining love story, others may find the same benefit.

More on reconciliation in my next post.