Water Signs' Real Life Back Story: Serendipity and the Psychic, Continued

Halloween 2008: Me as VP Candidate Sarah Palin and Tre as a Muslim Secret Service Agent.

Aside from a devoted family, there is nothing quite so precious as a loyal, trusted friend. I've heard the saying many times, that if you have one good friend, you are truly blessed; I have been blessed infinitely in this area, since I have many dear, loyal friends whom I know have my best interests at heart. One of them is the real-life inspiration behind the character of Elyse Lombard, my beautiful, blonde "adopted sister", Theresa.

Being the fiercely protective Mama Grizzly (or perhaps more accurately, Big Sista Grizzly) she is, Tre wasn't shy about expressing her disapproval with my plan to contact the real Ken to apprise him of the nature of the book I was getting close to releasing on the internet. In fact, she was pretty adamant about not going there, offering some pretty compelling reasons to back up her assertion.

And being the strong-willed woman I am, I listened patiently and then determined in my mind to make the call anyway for reasons I mentioned in my last post. This led to a series of emotionally charged conversations, punctuated with a few serendipitous revelations.

After checking out the Water Signs website (which I'd given him on the first call), I received a voice mail message from Ken, who appeared to be rather flattered, surprised and even a bit shocked by what he'd read in the synopsis on the home page:

Madeline Rose is a sweet, sheltered and eternally youthful young woman of 25-the youngest child of a prominent Philadelphia neurosurgeon. Despite the unending support of a loving, close family, she battles formidable insecurities, thanks to a recent, bitter break-up with her first real boyfriend and a turbulent adolescence characterized by a few extra pounds. Unsure of her future, she struggles to live up to her potential as well as her highly educated pedigree, given her fortunate placement in an impressive ancestral heritage.

Still adjusting to civilian life after four years in the United States Navy, handsome, affable and ambitious Ken Lockheart has two goals in life: to rise above his blue-collar Shore town roots and to marry his true love. Though the epitome of the classic, all-American male with his boyish good looks, six-foot frame and broad, muscular body, he retains a basic humility borne of a relentless work ethic and an inner drive to succeed.

When a chance encounter in a Somers Point nightclub initiates an unexpected relationship, neither one of them is prepared for the ensuing odyssey of heartbreak, personal growth and spiritual development that fuels their individual life lessons and leads them full-circle to a Divinely guided conclusion.

Although at that point in time the nearly complete, unpublished manuscript was still in a Word doc in my laptop and on a securely hidden CD, the synopsis description alone was enough to affect "Ken" fairly deeply; when we actually spoke, he noted how accurate my description of him had been, how I'd captured the essence of who he was and what he was trying to accomplish in his life.

I can't recall if it had been that same conversation or one that followed shortly thereafter, but during one particularly heart-wrenching discussion, a few interesting things were revealed -- things that seemed to confirm my intuition when crafting dialogue for the characters and/or expressing their thoughts and feelings.

For example, in Chapter 30, as a newly reunited Ken and Madeline are enjoying a cookout in Ken's new house, they reminisce about past events and resolve previously unsettled matters. Of particular import is Maddy's memory of a significant holiday they'd spent together:

“That was the best New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had in my entire life,” she confessed softly, thinking back to all of the fun they’d had dancing and joking around with her siblings and their dates at The Media Inn.

And as an author, I invoked creative license to have Ken respond with, "Me, too."

I had no way of knowing if the character's human counterpart felt the same way; in fact, I was pretty certain that after 16 long years, he'd probably experienced at least a few New Year's Eve's celebrations that far outshone the one we'd spent in a little town in Delaware County, Pennsylvania. After all, in South Florida there's no shortage of glamorous locales from which to pop the bubbly and make out at midnight. Perhaps he and his wife had once taken a luxury cruise or a trip to the Caribbean to welcome Baby New Year?

Interestingly enough, I'd just completed this chapter when the real Ken and I had this particular phone exchange, prompting me to test the validity of character Ken's response to Madeline's statement. Keep in mind, the book was still unpublished at the time; there was absolutely no way he could've read this chapter -- or any portion of the book, other than what was posted on the website. And that consisted merely of a synopsis, testimonials and an author bio -- I hadn't even gotten to the point of loading selected chapters for preview yet.

So I decided to conduct a little "test" to see if my creativity had unknowingly contained a kernel of truth by telling the real Ken (quite sincerely) that our New Year's Eve was the best one I ever had. I think I might have even prefaced it by admitting, "As pathetic as it sounds..."

And without missing a beat, flesh-and-blood Ken replied, "It was for me, too." Which -- needless to say -- sent shivers up and down my spine, for a myriad of reasons.

Did he actually mean it?

In that moment, I believe he did, although there's always the possibility he was simply affirming what he thought I wanted to hear. In any case, the fact that he hadn't read any portion of the book, yet repeated a line attributed to his character verbatim did leave an impression.

Another interesting enlightenment came when I shared my bout with panic and anxiety disorder, only to discover that he'd also experienced the same problem, concurrent with me. He even related a story about driving down I-95 on his way to make a big corporate presentation, when all of a sudden, overcome with an acute attack of sheer terror (pounding heart, etc), he had to pull over to avoid an accident. I listened with empathy as he noted (paraphrasing), "Here I was, this blue-collar kid from New Jersey about to stand in front of a bunch of corporate bigwigs, feeling I had no right to be there. Who did I think I was?"

"Ken" seemed a bit rattled (as was I) by this entire exchange, during which he'd also noted "We're a lot alike, you and I" and announced that he didn't even think I was that attracted to him, since I tried to avoid being alone with him and maintained some strict boundaries when we were. As a 25-year old young man with "raging hormones" my behavior had been a bit perplexing.

But knowing my family, he understood when one of the many reasons I offered for keeping him at arms' length was my absolute terror about accidentally becoming pregnant and bringing dishonor to my parents. As I told him, it was probably the most disgraceful, hurtful thing I could ever do, though they would've forgiven me (us) eventually. However, with this kind of mood-killing mindset, there's no way I could've simply relaxed and enjoyed it, even if we'd used every type of contraception on the market.

"Can you imagine their reaction if I'd gotten pregnant?" I asked.

"Yeah, your dad would've taken me out back with a shotgun," he laughed.

Which is probably an accurate statement, though I've often thought my father would've been the calmer parent in this scenario. I could be wrong, of course. And to this day, even at my age (assuming it could still happen), I'd never want to test my theory. ;)

More intrigue to come in my next post.

Water Signs' Real Life Back Story: Serendipity and the Psychic

Picking up from my last post, once I'd made the decision to fully explain the concept of Water Signs and the significance of its main male character to his living, breathing human inspiration, there was no talking me out of it. While "Elyse" (my dear friend Theresa, who just like her character, regards me as her little sister) meant well and had only my best interests in mind in attempting to discourage me, I had very compelling reasons for proceeding as planned.

For one thing, as I mentioned, the guy had admitted to Googling me, and chances were pretty high he'd do so again since I did inform him during our conversation that I was writing a novel. For another, while pouring my heart and soul into a fictional tale was indeed, therapeutic, I also realized that I'd now had an opportunity to finally verbalize thoughts and feelings I'd held back in the past. Further, all those years of self-imposed, selective amnesia had contributed in large part to my bout with panic and anxiety disorder (which I'd thankfully overcome), teaching me the importance of working through feelings of hurt, anger and betrayal -- rather than simply burying them.

I do find it rather odd that I'd been free of the emotional disorder for over 10 years by the time "Elyse" and I visited our intuitive friend in early 2008 -- and that I'd been "cured" without having to relive even one memory of "Ken" or what had transpired between us (including my life-altering move to Florida). At that point, I was still in a state of blissful ignorance where he was concerned -- accomplished by a powerful mind and will determined to do anything necessary to survive.

Yet that significant day in early 2008, prompted by an intuitive woman's use of the man's proper name, a tidal wave of repressed memories overpowered me until I had no choice but to do something meaningful with the "new" revelations. But was its purpose simply to be a catalyst for me to write my first novel? Or was it also a chance to finally express the previously unexpressed thoughts and feelings I'd pent up inside all the years I'd been in "survival mode"?

I deduced that since "Ken" was still alive and kickin' I therefore had the opportunity to clear out some misunderstandings from the past with him directly -- even if none of it mattered to him at all (which was also a very real possibility, hence Theresa/Elyse's sisterly concern for my emotional wellbeing).

When I think back to the day of that reading, I am still amazed. In all the years I'd known my friend Tre, and as close as the two of us had become (more like family, especially in the wake of her little nephew's untimely illness and death -- an event that's mentioned in the novel) I'd never once confided in her about "Ken", for the reasons stated above.

And when his proper first name initially came up in the reading, I honestly had no idea who it was; in fact, I assumed the woman was referring to a member of my extended family -- until she clarified quite emphatically that no, it was not a family member, but a romantic interest from my past. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, although I didn't pursue it further with her. I didn't want to go down that path. Hadn't I worked hard enough to "kill him off" in my mind? Why open up this Pandora's Box now?

But it was too late.

On the ride home in the car with Tre, I finally gave in to pent-up emotion and apprised her of the entire, heart-breaking tale, memories of which immediately began to overpower me in the aftermath of my reading. She listened with empathy, rather stunned that in the course of a such a close, familial-like friendship wherein each of us had confided so many intensely personal secrets -- including relationships with men -- I'd never once mentioned "Kenneth", the man indirectly responsible for the fact that I even knew her (or any of my good friends in South Florida).

That day marked the beginning of the evolution of Water Signs, a book I'd complete in just under four months.

More to come in my next post.

More Random Thoughts on the Writing Process

In my last post, I started to delve a little deeper into the fusion of fact and fiction, and some of the literary techniques I employed in penning Water Signs. There's also a bit of personal intrigue intertwined in the entire experience -- things I haven't previously shared on my blog.

First though, I want to take up where I last left off, namely the reconnection via letter and telephone between the two main characters after a 13-year absence. In the novel, as in real life, the guy made the call upon learning from his mother that a letter had arrived for him at her house -- before he'd even had it in his possession. Neither Madeline, nor I had signed a name above the return address on the envelope, but the address alone is (was) apparently enough information for the recipient to know exactly who'd been trying to reach him.

That first night back from Disney, as Maddy listens to the sound of Ken's familiar voice, even she is taken aback by her reaction:

Nothing could have prepared Madeline for the fireworks that erupted within at the mere sound of Ken’s voice. As if afraid of her thoughts displaying on some sort of celestial cloud for the whole world to see, she moved to the recliner chair in her sitting area, which was located at the extreme front of her home. After listening to his message a few times, she pressed “2” to save it in the archives, and then jotted down Ken’s cell phone number.

“It’s all yours, Mom,” she said as calmly as she could, handing over the cordless before taking her cell and retreating to the privacy of her bedroom.

She's also cautiously optimistic and admirably pragmatic:

Here it was, nearly 11 p.m. on a Wednesday evening. He’d mentioned specifically that the cell number he’d given her was a business line. Did she dare dial the number now? After a brief internal debate, Maddy decided to go for it. After all, she’d been searching for him long enough. It was high time to just get on with it, knowing that whatever might transpire, she could handle the outcome well. Having successfully overcome truly horrific problems in the past—the most formidable of which had been panic and anxiety disorder, Madeline could now effectively cope with anything else life threw at her. She’d been thoroughly tested and proven incredibly stronger for the experience.

This is another area where real life differs from the novel. Because right after Maddy returns Ken's voice mail with one of her own, the scene changes to Ken's bedroom, where he's lost in thought over the woman he'd first met as a much younger man at the Jersey Shore -- and wondering if she's aware of the fact that he's now officially divorced. It's also an example of the novel's recurring theme of reconciliation:

Yes, he understood the purpose of her card, and it touched him deeply that she felt the need to apologize for past transgressions. And at the same time, he acknowledged that he himself was also guilty of inflicting pain on her. In many ways, he should’ve been the one sending a letter.

Strange also that this particular year had brought her so much clarity; he’d just signed his divorce papers the previous fall. Did Maddy somehow know that? If she had been aware of his marital status, she offered no indication in her correspondence. His last recent search of public records had revealed no information whatsoever, which was understandable, given that his attorney had advised him it could take up to a year for such records to be updated on Internet databases. With no mutual friends or acquaintances to spread the word, Maddy was most likely in the dark. And that made her gesture even more impressive.

Of course, Madeline really has no proof and no reason to believe he's a single man once again, her psychic friend Ann Claire's prediction notwithstanding. And to keep the suspense going for the character (unlike the reader), I purposely kept any mention of it out of their conversation the next morning -- which is based on the very same one I had with "Ken":

Neither one of them dared mentioned children, spouses or even possible boyfriends, though Ken had the benefit of near-certainty of her single status, which had been implicitly stated in her letter. Still, he hesitated to ruin the joy of this reconnection by speaking of Erin, even for the express purpose of revealing his divorce. Why remind either one of them of the pain of the past? For now, he’d simply savor this long-overdue conversation with Madeline; he could fill her in on the details of his marital break-up when they finally met face-to-face again.

However, he couldn’t resist “confessing” to Googling her and feeling frustrated when his searches came up empty. His admission sent shivers of excitement down her spine, proving Ann right on yet another point—Ken had ardentlywanted Maddy to contact him. The psychic had been adamant about so many things, not the least of which was Ken and Madeline’s ability to “recreate the relationship,” now that he was out of his marriage. And though Ann’s track record had been nearly flawless over the years, Madeline still yearned to hear him speak the words as she held the phone to her ear and paced around her bedroom.

In real life, this was a very warm, friendly and welcome conversation. Like the novel, it did end with a request to get together, though it had been more of a vague "Hey we should meet up for coffee sometime" kind of deal. Unlike the novel, the invitation thankfully never did result in an in-person meeting, for reasons I will share later. In terms of the book, however, to keep up a good pace and heighten the drama, Chapter 29 picks up with a nervous Maddy hastily applying lipstick in the ladies room of her corporate office building.

At this time in my life, I was working as a content writer in downtown Fort Lauderdale for a large financial firm, which provided plenty of inspiration in terms of settings for Madeline and Ken's long-anticipated reunion. My co-workers and I used to frequent a nice restaurant called The Samba Room, which is actually a popular chain in South Florida. The real Ken at the time was working in Fort Lauderdale also, though not anywhere near downtown. So that gave me the idea of arranging a lunch date for my characters in a place I'd frequently shared good food with work friends. And it's here where Maddy finally finds the strength and courage to forthrightly ask about his marital status:

That was Maddy’s cue to finally end the suspense. Folding her menu, she set it aside and, leaning slightly forward, politely but firmly demanded the truth. “Kenny, I need you to level with me, please. Look, nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. No matter what you tell me, I will always be thankful for this opportunity to reconnect. It’sso good to see you; especially since there was a time I thought I never would ever again—at least not in person.

“But for my own sake, I want to know right here and now exactly where things stand. Is there a woman in your life whose world would be torn apart if she knew you were looking at me this way? Is it really appropriate for you to say these things, knowing how much I—”

“Madeline Rose! Do you honestly believe I would toy with you like that?” Maddy’s heart leapt in her chest as he went on. “Sweetheart, I told you on the phone I’d been trying to find you. That wasn’t just because I missed an old friend; it was because I realized how much I missed my one true love. Once my marriage ended, I knew I had to at least look for you, though I also knew I was risking a huge disappointment. I mean, for someone like you to still be available—I just didn’t think it was possible. Surely some guy would’ve scooped you up by now.”

Here's where I couldn't resist adding a commentary on the dating rituals of this tropical paradise, something about which Ken himself is lacking in experience:

“Obviously, you are completely unfamiliar with the South Florida dating scene,” she smiled as a rush of excitement coursed through her body.

This leads to a renewal of their relationship in every way -- emotionally, spiritually, mentally and, eventually -- physically (following her acceptance of his marriage proposal in Chapter 33).

But I am getting ahead of myself.

This scene is purely fictional, a product of my imagination, based on real people and places. However as I mentioned in another post, some serendipitous things did occur in real life on the way to getting Water Signs published.

After that initial conversation, nothing much happened for a while. I kept writing my book and nearing its conclusion. And though I'd mentioned it in passing to "Ken" during our initial conversation, as the website began to take shape and I started to mobilize social media marketing efforts, I felt he should know the extent to which he was featured in the novel. That there wasn't simply a character based on him -- there was a character based on him who was the hero of the story. And that the story culminates with his character divorcing his first wife and eventually marrying my fictional counterpart.

In my mind, if he'd already admitted to "Googling" me, what would prevent him from doing it again, knowing I was working on my first book? He'd seemed pretty excited to hear that news -- and understanding that certain contents might not go over too well with members of his family (particularly his wife), I figured I'd nip any potential unpleasantness in the bud.

This is where my friend "Elyse" disagreed with my decision, but true to form, I followed my instincts.

More to come in the next post.

Random Thoughts on the Writing Process

A good Facebook friend and aspiring author/writer recently asked for my advice regarding the length of chapters. Is it something predetermined before even putting thoughts to paper (or keyboard to monitor)? Or is it advisable to just write and see how it all plays out?

An excellent question for sure, and one for which I am not entirely certain there is a correct answer. As I've noted many times, the process by which I wrote Water Signs was highly unusual and most likely, unrepeatable. In another post, I described the circumstances that opened the floodgate of memories that led to the steady stream of consciousness that ultimately resulted in a 435-page novel. The words literally came through me from a higher place, and in most cases, I didn't have to consciously or deliberately think about the mundane mechanics of the work itself. I intuitively knew when to end one chapter and begin another -- though most ended up being 20 pages or so in length.

With Sea To Shining Sea, I am attempting quite deliberately to maintain that 20-page chapter limit, since it was very effective the first time around. But there's a little more to it than that. For example, one of the literary techniques I employed successfully in Water Signs was flashback -- whether to an event long-ago or in the recent past. So I would in effect, finish a chapter -- leading the reader to believe they knew everything there was to know about the events contained therein, only to discover some new insights about the same event(s) in the next chapter. This helped to create a little more intrigue and drama.

Keep in mind also that I am a creative type who knew from the start I wasn't going to follow the traditional publishing path, i.e. jump through all kinds of hoops to entice a literary agent, including conducting research on my genre at a book store. With the advent of Print-on-Demand and social media, I realized that a new and wondrous vehicle to reach my audience and achieve success awaited me. So I was pretty much unconcerned with "trivial" things like chapter length, outline, competing titles and authors within my category, market research and all of the other things publishing houses obsess over (and demand that their potential authors research on their own time, with no guarantee of getting the contract anyway).

So put me in the "just write it" camp. You can always go back and edit later. Write from the heart and get 'er done. That's my advice.

While we're on the topic, some other fascinating things occurred during the evolution of Water Signs -- and here's where the fusion of fact and fiction was at its most enjoyable. When I determined (somewhere around Chapter Eight) that this book was actually going to come into being very soon, I decided to take a proactive approach and search for the person who inspired Ken. For the record, my best friend (on whom the character of Elyse is based, and the same one who was there when I had the reading that ended my selective amnesia about this guy) thought it was a terribleidea. In fact, she tried her best to talk me out of it. Ironically, she's bumped into "Erin" unexpectedly a few times this year at business functions -- something that had never happened before in all of her 25 years of living in Boca Raton. But I will discuss that at length when I explore the female friendships of Water Signs.

I am not sure if stubbornness is also a Pisces trait, or merely a personality foible, but I am the kind of person who -- once I make a decision about something -- cannot be convinced otherwise. For good or bad, I'm in.

So just like Madeline in Chapter 27 (after having a reading similar to the real ones I experienced, though altered a bit for dramatic purposes) sits down and pens a letter to Ken, I did the same with "Ken". Though taken from real life, the one readers discover is a little more flowery and poetic than the one I wrote:

Dear Ken,

How are you? I can’t even imagine how you might feel right now, holding this letter in your hand. I mean, how long has it been? About a million years? And yet in so many ways, it feels like yesterday.

I don’t know what it is about 2008, but ever since this year began, I have had a palpable feeling that everything was coming full circle somehow. It took me a few months to realize exactly what that meant, but now I have no doubt it involves you—and some important things I’d left undone and unsaid. Things you really need to know.

It’s strange that you would be on my mind now; I can’t explain why this is suddenly the case since I hadn’t thought about you much at all over the years. For my own survival, I’d willfully blocked you out of my thoughts to the point where it was as if you never existed in the first place. There was just no way I could’ve been your friend, not in any sort of active way, at least. It was just too painful to see you with another woman, so I did the only thing I could do. You made your choice; I made mine. I even concocted a story to tell people whenever they would ask me why I moved to Florida. And the mind is such a powerful thing that I actually believed it myself.

Look, I know it is ancient history, but I am so very sorry for everything I ever said or did to hurt you. You were so good to me, so kind and caring. If I had a time machine, I am certain I would go back and make very different decisions where you were concerned. If I could go back with the knowledge I have now, I would understand just what I’d had in you. In many ways, you were so much more mature. You saw qualities within me that I was unable or unwilling to see for myself. And I never truly appreciated that.

You once told me that I inspired you; but the truth is you inspired me, too. I never realized just what a catalyst you have been in my life. These last fourteen years have been an incredible personal and spiritual growth journey, one that would not have been possible without you. While I’ve endured some pretty traumatic experiences (along with good ones), I can see now how every seemingly insurmountable obstacle, every hour of darkness, every tear shed in moments of anguish, have all contributed to making me the mature, self-adjusted woman I am today.

There are absolutely incredible people in my life that I am blessed to call friends, my writing career is finally in full swing and my health is excellent (warm weather definitely agrees with me). Perhaps most significantly, my faith is stronger than it has ever been in my entire life. I owe all of this to you. Ken, you opened my eyes. You made me realize that the world—my world—was more expansive and wonderful than I’d ever imagined.

This may or may not be appropriate, but I want you to know that no man before or after you has ever treated me with the same amount of respect, affection and concern. Sadly, at 25, I didn’t know what I had. You were everything I didn’t know I wanted. Yes, hindsight, as they say, really is 20/20. And no matter where you are or what you are doing, I hope it makes you feel good to know just how much you have positively impacted my life. At least, that is the intention of this letter.

Anyway, I am sure you are an awesome father, and I pray that you are well and happy. Take care of yourself and God bless!

Madeline

In this same chapter, I employed the literary technique of juxtaposition, to create more intrigue throughout the sections following the letter, which is where it also becomes a fusion of fact and fiction. Just like Maddy, I believed it safer to mail the letter to the home of the guy's parents, who happen to live in the same town. But since I had no way of knowing how it all went down from there, I had to use my imagination. Thus, in the very next scene, Ken's mother Paula Lockheart is engaged in an active power-walk in her neighborhood, while musing about all of the recent events in her son's life. This is also where we learn of Paula's deep-seated affection and love for her son:

Paula Lockheart looked at her pedometer and picked up the pace as she conducted her customary late-morning power walk. An attractive woman in her late-60’s, she was diligent about remaining active and eating right to maintain good health. After all, she had two adorable grandchildren to see into adulthood. And now that her youngest son had endured a bitter custody battle and an acrimonious divorce, she was more determined than ever to support him and his offspring.

She’d always been so proud of Ken; from the time he was a little boy, he’d been her most affectionate and devoted son. Even as a newborn, she’d noticed something different—and wonderful—about her “baby.” His soulful blue eyes showcased a natural exuberance and passion for life. And despite their modest means, she knew from the very beginning that her fourth and last child was destined to be a success in every sense of the word.

So when she bumps into her mailman and enters her air-conditioned home with a stack of mail, she's intrigued by the pink envelope addressed to her son, conspicuously missing the name of the sender, although bearing a return address. By this time, we've also discovered that Paula is an intuitive mother who nevertheless makes it a practice to refrain from interfering in her children's lives. Using more flashback, I have the character reminisce about Ken's heart-wrenching dilemma many years prior when "the girl from Media" shocked him by actually relocating to Florida. Engaged to another woman, we learn that Ken had met his mother at the Deerfield Beach Fishing Pier to talk things out. And true to her nature, a sympathetic Paula listens but does not offer any advice other than to follow his heart.

All of this, dear readers, is a product of my imagination, conjured up at this particular juncture of the story to flesh out the character of Paula Lockheart (whom we'd only known through Ken up to this point), and clue readers in to some other previously unknown events that had taken place.

However, Ken's reaction to the news, and Madeline's concurrent visit to Disney World with her mother is a blend of fact and fiction. In real life, my mom and I took a few days to head to Orlando during one of her visits here to South Florida. We'd left on a Sunday and came back on a Wednesday night, making the 2 1/2 hour trip via car. And the night we got back, I listened to my voice mail and discovered a message from "Ken", recorded on the Sunday of our departure (so I must've just missed him) and apprising me of his mom's calling to inform him of the letter.

But the little fantasy he plays out in his mind while waiting to leave the voicemail is an example of creative license on the part of the author:

Ken felt his heart pound in his chest as he listened to the familiar ring tone and eagerly anticipated hearing the sounds of her sweet voice again. A few moments later he did, though it was via voicemail, and not the live version: Hi, this is Madeline Rose. I can’t take your call right now, but it is really important to me. Please leave me a message and I promise to return your call just as soon as I can. Talk to you soon and have a great day!

As her outgoing message played, he felt for the first time in over fifteen years the welcome bolt of electricity igniting his soul and coursing through his body; suddenly, it was 1992 again, and he and Maddy were making out on his waterbed, while the moonlight filtered through the skylight above them.

His hands caressed her face as he gazed into her expressive amber eyes. Nestled beneath his body, he could feel her heart beating fast while he placed his lips tenderly on hers, and then eventually tasted the sweetness of her mouth with his soft, subtle tongue. Maddy sighed, returning his advances with equal amounts of passion and fervor. In the background, the sensual sounds of their favorite music amplified their desires, steadily leading them on a mesmerizing path of fulfillment for body, mind and soul.

“Kenny?” Her voice was a mere whisper as he nibbled at her ear. He brought his face close to hers.

“Yes?” Her fingers traced the waves of his blond hair as she made her request.

“I want you to make love to me.”

Happily stunned, but wanting to confirm the words he’d been longing to hear ever since meeting her, he studied her face for a moment before asking, “You sure, sweetheart? ‘Cause you know I’d like nothing better than to make passionate love to you all night. I just need to know it’s what you really want, too. Otherwise, it won’t—”

Madeline answered him with a kiss that left him breathless as he proceeded to slowly unbutton her blouse to reveal her delicate, porcelain skin and the black lace of her bra. He began to trace kisses down her neck, working his way down to the curve of her breasts as he gently moved his hands over her. In the next moment, he carefully slid the garment off of her body and shifted her on top of him as he moved onto his back in one smooth move.

With her auburn hair cascading past her shoulders and her fair skin gleaming in the soft light, she far exceeded any vision of beauty he’d previously held in mind, both as an adolescent and a young man sailing around the world. He reached around her back to unhook the last trace of clothing from her chest, barely able to contain his excitement as delicious thoughts of finally seeing and experiencing every inch of her petite, curvy body conflicted with genuine concern for this being her very first time, and his desire to make it as beautiful for her as possible.

The whole concept of the "first time" is one that weaves its way throughout the entire novel because it is inextricably intertwined with the traditional values the characters espouse -- which are simultaneously a cause of tension and heartbreak via Ken and Madeline's inability to communicate effectively with each other.

Back to the voicemail.

The one Ken records in the novel is almost identical to the one "Ken" left for me. And the conversation the characters have the next morning -- the first in several years -- is faithful to the actual event.

Coming Soon: More on the fusion of fact and fiction.

Water Signs' Erin Lockheart: A Boca Babe Embodiment of the Culture of Self-Absorption

More than any other character drawn from my own life in Water Signs, Erin Mahoney Lockheart owes about 90% of her creation more to a stereotype than an actual person. Yes, there is a real fiancée and wife whose acquaintance I'd made many years ago, and those recollections formed a starting point for the character sketch. However, after having spent so many years in South Florida, I felt very strongly about including a commentary about what I call our current "culture of self-absorption", and it was this desire that led to the evolution of Erin.

Throughout Boca Raton and the surrounding areas, I'd seen, heard, witnessed and experienced enough examples of self-serving, egotistical and superficial behavior to write an entire non-fiction book on the topic. But since I was penning what would in the end be a triumph of virtue, integrity, traditional values and true love over all sorts of formidable obstacles, I had to find a way to highlight this theme via plot and character. And it didn't take long to realize that Erin was the perfect vehicle through which to do just that.

So it's only in the early stages of Part Two that Ken's fiancée even remotely resembles her real-life counterpart (whose name has been completely changed), although in what is most likely a very dramatic departure from reality, Erin absolutely hates football -- one of the many contrasts between her and Madeline purposely created for dramatic reasons. Although Ken confesses his commitment to another woman to Madeline in an earlier chapter (more on that in another post), it's not until Chapter 24 that readers -- along with Maddy, who has reluctantly agreed to attend a BBQ at their condo -- meet her for the first time:

From the moment she entered their two-story condo on the fifth floor, she felt a distinctive yet subtle hostility in the air, similar to the one that had greeted her at Kenny's real estate office awhile back. And though physically attractive with a willowy figure, blue eyes and silky blonde hair, Erin definitely exuded a hard, urban vibe, notwithstanding her impressive career and level of education.

Yet it wasn't her tough, Philly accent and her rough-around-the-edges veneer that most impacted Madeline; it was her pervasive coldness and attitude of indifference. She barely engaged Maddy in conversation, though Ken's former flame conducted herself with as much dignity as she could possibly muster under the circumstances. And while Kenny did his best to facilitate the flow of conversation, it wasn't long before Maddy wished she hadn't accepted his invitation in the first place. When Erin abruptly excused herself to go to bed -- claiming a migraine headache -- Madeline resolved to banish all thoughts of Ken and Erin from her mind forever.

In Part Two, Maddy performs her own rendition of this heartbreaking song from my favorite musical, Les Miserables for a local dance studio production.

This incident instigates a thirteen-year, self-imposed, selective amnesia on the part of Madeline, embarked upon for the sake of her own sanity and self-preservation (it's also a compounding factor in her bout with panic and anxiety disorder). She literally forces herself to forget that either one of these people even exists, just as I did in real life. It was just too painful to cope with, too unbearable to work through, even though, like Madeline, I had many sympathetic shoulders I could've cried on (while this isn't really explored in the novel, I suppose for myself pride was also to blame for my reticence in sharing this devastating news with someone, anyone who loved me).

And since the story is basically told from Madeline's perspective, that's the last we see of Ken and Erin for a period of time, while Maddy endures the nadir of her panic and anxiety problem before solving it via a psychic; offers forgiveness to her old boyfriend Jake Winston when he calls out of the blue; and finds some career success via her writing and communications skills.

In Chapter 25, I do provide a bit of foreshadowing and embellishment using an event that truly is straight out of real life:

Taking a seat in a nearby rocking chair, Ken leaned back and closed his eyes as thoughts of Maddy permeated his brain. How was she doing? Had she gotten married yet? Was she still writing? He hadn't seen a copy of The Good News Gazette in a while, though he'd secretly held onto the copy his mother had brought over to his house just weeks after Bonnie's birth. That was before Erin had set up a home-based business and taken a corporate position in the creative department of a local cosmetics company.

Paula Lockheart had entered Ken and Erin's home that morning, armed with a stack of newspapers and magazines, which she'd carefully set down on the coffee table before heading into the nursery. As Ken walked through the living room on his way to make breakfast, a photo of two familiar faces caught his eye. And when he picked up the publication to take a closer look, his heart was filled with pride and longing.

Beneath the headline, "My Brother, My Hero", and the byline bearing the author's name, Madeline and Louis smiled back at him, seated at a round dining table. Wow. She'd finally achieved her goal of becoming a published writer. He well remembered the endless conversations -- by the ocean, snuggled up on the couch or wrapped up under the satin sheets of his water bed -- during which Maddy would eloquently share her dreams for the future. In spite of everything, he still missed that connection.

And much like his real-life inspiration, Ken calls the editor of the paper in an attempt to obtain Madeline's phone number, only to be dejected when she refuses to give it out. Instead, she offers to share his contact information with her newest writer and allow her to decide if she wishes to dial the number. Skeptical of whether or not she'd actually take the initiative to call, he is thrilled when a few days later, his former girlfriend's curiosity gets the better of her:

Ken felt the same powerful eruptions within at the sound of her voice, though she gave no indication of her personal status, opting instead to update him about her parents and siblings. Madeline also omitted from the conversation her ongoing struggle with panic disorder, preferring to keep the tone light, so as not to solicit any unwanted offers of help or worse -- an invitation to dinner at his home. The last thing she needed was an evening with Ken, Erin and their new baby.

Thus, we're starting to learn a bit more about Erin indirectly, by way of her husband's lingering feelings for another woman. Readers already know from Chapter 19 that he'd had some reservations about going through with the wedding, confiding in Madeline that part of his motivation for doing so was that "we didn't want to live in sin anymore". And it's also in this chapter that we get a glimpse into Erin's personality when he notes how "she kind of depends on me" since most of her co-workers were busy with their own families and social lives. There's a distinct impression that for all of her high-powered business acumen, Erin is also very high maintenance. This is confirmed (along with their eventual divorce) in Chapter 27 via Paula Lockheart's internal musings during an outdoor power-walk:

Too bad her former daughter-in-law hadn't shared that opinion. Oh sure, in the beginning she used him like a security blanket after she'd accepted a lucrative position with an ad agency in Miami and relocated from Atlantic City. Oddly, for such a talented and successful girl, Erin had more than her fair share of insecurities, depending on Ken to provide everything from a social life to a comfortable place to live.

And while he was working hard as a mortgage broker and real estate agent by day, and taking classes in marketing and business at Florida International University four nights a week, she constantly harangued him over stupid things, like buying her the "wrong" gift or not spending enough time together. Paula sighed as she recalled one particular Valentine's Day, when Ken had inadvertently provoked Erin's ire by buying her rollerblades -- even though she'd been asking for them for months. That had been just one in a series of troubling incidents that should have prevented her son from walking down the aisle.

In Chapter 28, we get Ken's perspective on his now ex-wife, and the reasons for the dissolution of their marriage:

Then there was the negative influence of the Boca Raton culture. While an exceedingly beautiful city and desirable place to live, Boca's downside was the extreme superficiality of many of its residents, some of whom held positions of power within the community, from the local paper's society page writer to the plethora of ambitious millionaires that populated upscale neighborhoods like Broken Sound, Royal Palm and The Sanctuary. While Ken envied no one, content to focus on his own goals, Erin got caught up in the web of botox, breast enhancements and liposuction that characterized the activities of the city's wealthiest females.

And as her business thrived, so did her vanity, leading her to undergo a seemingly endless parade of plastic surgeries, all to assuage her fears of growing older, and to help her keep pace with the women with whom she networked for both business and social purposes. After almost thirteen years of marriage, Ken didn't even recognize her -- or was it more accurate to say he was just beginning to?

As a direct result of her own self-centered behavior, Erin's marriage ultimately implodes. For all of his genuine efforts to make it work for the sake of their children, Ken realizes that without her willingness to change, it's a futile undertaking. For a woman who had it all -- a devoted husband, two healthy children, a beautiful home and a thriving career -- Erin expressed very little in the way of gratitude, opting instead to focus exclusively on the superficial side of life. Thus, her humble Southwest Philly roots, doting childhood, foundation of faith and hard-earned education are tossed aside for the pursuit of all things material. And in the end, it costs her dearly.

Am I stating as an author that it's bad to attain things like fancy cars and designer clothes?

Absolutely not.

What I am positing however, is the need to keep these things in perspective and not lose sight of what truly matters in life. Ken rises from humble beginnings to find impressive success in the corporate world, but it never alters the person he is inside. He remains faithful to the morals and values with which he's been raised; the same is also true for Madeline, though materially she is not quite as successful.

To Ken, his children are a top priority; to Erin, they are sometimes an afterthought far behind her own wants and desires (though she does truly love them). In this society we're living in and specifically in South Florida, I've seen parents, divorced or married, more concerned about their social lives than their own kids' well-being. I've witnessed the substitution of money and material things for time, attention and discipline. And I've even watched as middle-aged mothers disgracefully competed with their daughters for the affection of a man, or the wink of a stranger's eye.

Our current culture seems to have jettisoned the concept of growing old gracefully and dressing appropriately (albeit attractively) for one's age. Our children are worse off because of it, and it's well past time for good people to help swing the pendulum back. And I hope through my writing I can positively affect the discussion. In the meantime, I am forever grateful for my upbringing by loving parents who cared enough to spend time with, discipline and educate their children.

Fun Fact: The actual paper I used to write for was The Happy Herald, although in those days it was known as The Happy Times Monthly. And yes, my first published piece was indeed entitled My Brother, My Hero, in honor of my brother Ralph (Louis in the novel) and featured a photo of us on the front cover.

The Older Generation of Sisters in Water Signs

"On the boardwalk in Atlantic City, we we walk in a dream. On the boardwalk in Atlantic City, life will be peaches and cream."

I paid homage to my sister Carolyn in my last post on the occasion of her birthday, but Water Signs also features another generation of close sisters: Monica and Maria, based on my mom and my Aunt Marie (who's name really was Maria, although everyone called her Marie).

From the time I was a little girl, I always admired the relationship between Mom and Aunt ReRe (as I affectionately referred to her), which was as close a bond as I've seen between siblings. Like Carolyn and me, Mom and her younger sister were also opposites, physically speaking: At 5'5", my active mother maintains an impressive figure, even after giving birth to five children. Aunt Marie, on the other hand was -- in her own words -- "pleasantly plump", although height-wise, I believe she and my mom were about the same.

Both are and were attractive women with sweet, beautiful and completely different faces. Whereas my blonde mother's face shape is angular, frosted-haired Aunt Re Re's was round. Mom has thin lips, Aunt Re Re had full ones -- but both shared an unwavering commitment to the application of lipstick as the final touch of make-up before leaving the house. (A funny side note I will definitely incorporate into a future book: as a kid, I couldn't get over how Aunt Marie could expertly apply make-up without ever using a mirror. She'd just laugh and tell me "Dar, I know my face!").

In terms of personality, this passage from Chapter Four sums it up nicely:

"But though there were physical contrasts between the two sisters, each shared common traits of generosity, gregariousness, unselfishness, and -- oh yes -- an almost irrational love and over protectiveness when it came to their children."

In that same chapter, Maddy muses to herself how blessed it is indeed to be so loved and cared for by these women. Certainly as a mature adult, I've made enough friends and acquaintances over the years to know that very few are so fortunate. I not only grew up with a mother who loved me, cared for me, and enjoyed spending time with me, I also had an aunt who loved me as if I was her child, too. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for that.

But as I am sure my sister Carolyn and cousin Annie will attest, when you're young, it's tough at times to fully appreciate such expressions of love and devotion.

When I sat down to write Water Signs, I knew I wanted to pay tribute to my dear Aunt Marie, who's been in heaven now for just over six years. Although she was actually more involved in my life during the "Jake Winston" courtship, caring for my wonderful Uncle Merle (may God rest his gentle soul), and running a business demanded pretty much all of her time when "Ken" came into the picture. So I decided to alter reality a bit.

In real life, my mom's good friend Marion was actually staying at the Ocean City house with us when "Ken" picked me up for our first official date. A wonderful woman in her own right, Marion was a femme fatale, a sharp dresser, a quintessential female -- in short, a northern version of Tennessee Williams famous character, Blanch Du Bois. Like Aunt Marie, Marion has also gone on to the next life, but she lives on in my memory. She also inspired an unforgettable line in the book, which is uttered by Aunt Maria, just as Ken and Madeline are about to depart for Atlantic City:

"Drive nicely, Ken. You're carrying precious cargo."

And just like Maddy, I was completely embarrassed, though I never admitted it to my date, figuring (as Maddy does) that there was nothing wrong with him knowing exactly how important my safety and well-being were to my family. Looking back, I'm fairly certain "Ken" was at least a little nervous, having recently been exposed to the entire boisterous clan over breakfast the morning after meeting me. And though I tried not show it, I most definitely had butterflies (more on that in another post).

In the early parts of the book, as the relationship between Ken and Maddy progresses, Aunt Maria becomes even more of a friend, confidant and support system, much like Lori. I even managed to pay homage to our younger years, when the two sisters would pile their respective kids (Mom's five and Re Re's two) in the car and set off on new excursions.

Much of these remembrances I incorporated into the story through the use of flashback. Thus, one evening when Ken is having dinner with Maddy, Monica and Maria, the conversation turns nostalgic as the characters discuss one of my very favorite childhood memories involving an intense summer heat wave and the Great Adventure amusement park in New Jersey:

"Ken seemed to get a kick out them, particularly the one about a hot and humid day in August, 1973, when she and Maddy's mother had decided to take all of the kids to Great Adventure. About midway through the Safari -- where even the lazy, sleeping animals seemed to have been affected by the intense heat -- the air-conditioning had broken down in the car. As a woman who was often "roasting" even on the most bitter-cold winter days, Aunt Maria had insisted on rolling the windows down, only to have the park ranger scold them over the P.A. system. Good thing he had, though, because right after that a mob of baboons descended on them, apparently for the sole purpose of "christening" Monica's brand-new, white station wagon.

"And of course, having insisted on wearing her cute new sandals instead of practical sneakers to the park, Aunt Maria had ended up in First-Aid with blisters all over her feet. After throwing the shoes away, she'd stolen her teenage son's hockey socks so she could walk around in comfort -- but not before they'd wasted most of the day waiting for someone to help her."

Fun times for sure! And just like Madeline in the book, as a six year-old child who absolutely loved amusement park rides, I only managed to experience two of them with my mom that day when all was said and done. Still, it's a great memory.

As for the sisters' shared love of Atlantic City casinos and intrepid hunt for "hot" machines, that is straight out of real life too, though these days, Mom spends more time at the new Harrah's in Chester than she does at any of the offerings on the famous boardwalk. Oh and she's constantly imploring my aunt for some heavenly assistance, though if God indeed allows such intercession, Aunt Re Re has yet to respond with a huge jackpot. I'm thinking she's too busy regaling other loved ones on the other side of the veil with her side-splitting stories and infectious laughter to take time out for such mundane things. She's on to much bigger and better experiences now.

So here's to loving mothers, fond memories and the unbreakable bonds of sisterhood. And someday when I get to heaven, I sure hope Aunt Marie tells me how happy she was with my portrayal of her.

The Sisters of Water Signs

In honor my sister Carolyn's birthday today (Happy Birthday, Car! :)), I am dedicating today's post to a discussion of the sister characters in Water Signs.

Born under the sign sign of Cancer (another water sign), Carolyn and I share several traits, not the least of which are fierce loyalty to family and friends, emotional sensitivity, compassion for others and a drive to succeed. Five years my senior, physically speaking, she is quite different from me -- standing at a stately five-feet, seven-inches, with big dark eyes, dimpled cheeks and a light-olive complexion. (I didn't include this real-life fact in the novel, but during the summer of Flashdance, Carolyn was actually mistaken for Jennifer Beals at an upscale South Jersey Shore restaurant, where her then-boyfriend had taken her to celebrate her birthday).

With respect to academics, well -- she kind of blew me away in school. Like her, I was smart and worked hard but oftentimes my best efforts would only result in achieving "Second Honors" instead of "First" in high school (although I did occasionally attain the pinnacle of quarterly Catholic school success). My sister on the other hand, never failed to make "First Honors" every grading period in high school after earning the coveted "plaque" (an elementary school phenomenon I describe at length in Water Signs) at eighth-grade graduation; in college, she achieved a perfect 4.0 every semester and graduated at the top of her class while maintaining an active social life.

To their great credit, my parents cheered us on and acknowledged each of us as individuals, granting every child his or her just recognition for a job well done, while avoiding confidence-killing admonitions like "Your sister (brother) achieved that. Why can't you?"

Being very much a late-bloomer, I sometimes envied Carolyn's confidence and her easy ability to make friends. She never seemed hampered by the slings and arrows of adolescence, although she was not immune from being on the receiving end of the typical cattiness of teenage girls, or the hormonally fueled arrogance of teenage boys. In fact, although she was quite attractive, to the best of my knowledge, she did not have a steady boyfriend in high school, which I suspect was partly due to my mom's influence. Our mother really wanted us both to get a good education and make our mark on the world before settling into marital bliss. And let's face it: knowing that society had dramatically changed since her own carefree high school days, I am fairly certain at least some of the motivation stemmed from a desire to keep us out of "trouble", though my mother always had the utmost faith in us.

I honor of Carolyn, I created the character of Lori Rose, newly engaged, 30 year-old sibling to Madeline who has witnessed her little sister's heartbreaks over the years and longs for her to find happiness with the right guy. As we learn in Chapter One, Maddy's heart has recently been broken in two by the first man she'd ever really called a boyfriend, Jake Winston (based on a real man). Among other things and for reasons having nothing to do with Madeline herself, he has beaten down her self-esteem by being overly critical of her appearance and failing to appreciate her better qualities.

Having pretended to be asleep the night Jake cruelly ends things with Maddy over the phone, the second the gut-wrenching conversation ends, Lori jumps into Maddy's bed and, with a warm hug and these reassuring words, "I know exactly how you feel", offers the best medicine for her sobbing sister. This is exactly how it went down in real life. And to this day I'll never forget my sister's kindness and compassion.

In Chapter Two, Lori's breathless announcement -- in-between uncontrollable giggles -- of Ken's presence on the other end of the phone line, is another example of fact woven into fiction. The memory of that morning and its comedy of errors -- "Ken" waiting for me at the beach while I was talking the long way to mass via the Ocean City boardwalk, then arriving home to discover "Carmen" had apprised everyone of the "new guy" I'd met -- is one that will stay with me forever. Part of the upside of having a close family is that they take joy in your potential joys; part of the downside of having a close family is that it's next to impossible to keep anything, no matter how personal, a secret for long.

In Water Signs (and in my own life), as Maddy nervously takes the call in her parents' bedroom (where she'd mistakenly believed she'd have some privacy), it's only a matter of seconds before her excited mother and sister appear at her side, with her mother mouthing the words, "invite him over for breakfast". And yes, Ken's reaction in the book is pretty much verbatim to the real-life Ken: "In my bathing suit? Are you kidding? I can't meet your family like that!"

Later on, when Maddy is under pressure to end the relationship due to Ken's lack of a college education, Lori (like Carolyn) takes her side, encouraging her to follow her heart and disregard their mother's misguided, though well-intentioned, opinion on the matter.

Throughout Part One, Lori remains a loyal sister, a trusted confidant and a voice of reason. Though for dramatic purposes, we don't see much of her in Part Two until the very end, my own sister continues to be a welcome presence in my life -- another great gift from God I know I can depend on.

Happy Birthday, Carolyn! May all of your wishes come true! xoxo