Standing under a tree on a windy fall day, watching the leaves fall down around me, I experience the richness of God's bounty. I know that money does not grow on trees, but those leaves symbolize the good that is available to me. Spirit continually showers me with blessings in a variety of forms--a friendly smile, a phone call from a loved one, or an awareness of total well-being.
Spirit is the source of my every good. As I pray and meditate on the good in my life, I become conscious of the ways in which I am blessed. Spirit is the fulfillment of every need. I have only to center myself in Spirit, my infinite Source, and notice the goodness showering down around me.
See if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you an overflowing blessing.--Malachi 3:10
The presence of God watches over me; it is within and around me, enfolding me in love and guiding me in right ways. If I encounter a situation in which I feel frightened or uneasy, I affirm: The presence of God watches over me, and I know I am not alone.
I may picture the presence of God as an open umbrella, protecting me from the "weather" of life. Regardless of any seeming storm or wind of change I may encounter, I stand safely in God's presence.
Though outer conditions may seem chaotic, I maintain inner peace and composure. My mind is tranquil because the peace of God comes from within, from an awareness that we are one. There is no need to be concerned or afraid. I am protected in every way.
Protect me, O God, for in You I take refuge. -- Psalm 16:1
Putting things off until tomorrow is simply putting them off all together. When I delay in getting things done, it may be because I do not want to do them at all. When I accept what is, I then have an opportunity to move forward without delay. All effort, work and accomplishment take place in the present, not in the future. I release my tendency to put things off, and I begin.
Much of the inclination to postpone projects and responsibilities lies in my need for order and organization in my thinking and in my life. If I am slow in getting things done, I can map them out and approach them one by one. In the glorious now of Holy Spirit, there is no more delay or procrastination.
Do you not say, "Four months, then comes the harvest"? But I tell you, look around you, and see how the fields are rip for harvesting. -- John 4:35
I choose thoughts, words and actions that set me free.
Why does one driver smile and relax in traffic, while another is tense and irritable? It's a matter of choice. Freedom of choice is an expression of our spiritual freedom, and it affects our attitudes and experiences.
Today I have a simple choice: I can be held captive by irritation and restrictive ways of thinking and being, or I can practice genuine spiritual freedom by expressing love in all I think, say and do.
I choose thoughts and words that are free of disapproval or the need to be right. I choose activities that nurture my body and mind, expressing the freedom of my soul. I choose to treat others in ways that reflect and attitude of spirit of freedom and love.
You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free. -- John 8:32
In anticipation of an upcoming change, I may wonder what my life will look like. Will it ever be the same? The truth is that every day is filled with change. Some changes are major turning points and others are minor adjustments.
Instead of worrying about what may happen in the days, weeks and months ahead, I choose to remain calm and confident. I know that good is always present, because God is always present. Attuned to God, I am aware of everlasting good.
I welcome the turning points in my life that bring new opportunities to recognize, accept and experience the good that awaits me.
Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. -- James 1:17
My faith is a gift from God. It never leaves me. It is with me at all times, ready to be applied in right ways. By exercising faith, I welcome all that I desire. I say "yes" to God and "yes" to my good.
When I am uncertain about which way to turn, I call upon faith to assist me. Faith surrounds me. It is love unwavering -- like the arms of a dear friend embracing me, letting me know, "I am here for you always". My faith allows me to surrender outcomes to Spirit. When I use faith rightly, I actively draw my good to me, bringing forth the visible from the invisible.
I exercise faith and see clearly God's good in me and in my life. I allow the Holy Spirit to work through me, and I am richly blessed.
Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith, let it be done unto you." -- Matthew 9:29
A beautiful tapestry begins with a single thread. That thread may be died many different colors and woven with others into a variety of textures. In the hands of the artist, they have beauty and order, each thread a part of the magnificent whole.
I see myself as one of God's threads with my own unique color and texture. I am not separate from people or creatures or life around me. I am woven into the whole, and part of my family, my community, my country and our planet. We are each a unique expression of the One Life and One Love.
I release the perception that any part of God's creation is less worthy than another. I am whole in mind, body and spirit. I see the wholeness of life, of which I am a part.
From one ancestor he made all nations to inhabit the whole earth. -- Acts 17:26
Every time I step out in faith, I embark on an adventure. When I am invited to do more than I think I can do, I call upon the Christ of my being. The Christ expresses as all the power, wisdom and courage I need to accomplish great things.
When I am invited to be a peacemaker in times of conflict, I call upon the Christ of my being. The Christ expresses as the compassion and understanding I need to be a transformational presence in painful situations.
When I am invited to share more than I think I have, I call upon the Christ of my being. The Christ expresses as new ideas, infinite supply and all the abundance I need to be a blessing to my world.
Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border..." And God granted what he asked." --1Chronicles 4:10
In ancient rituals, people rose in the morning and turned toward the sun, honoring the source of light and warmth that sustained all life. Even on cloudy days they turned in the sun's direction and honored the source they knew to be present.
I turn within to find the light of God that is always there. I close my eyes and remove my attention from any confusion. I place my focus on my breath and open my mind. In the stillness, I receive the guidance I need. I am not in darkness, for God's light is ever shining, illuminating a path to my highest good.
With new awareness, I see possibilities for greater good in my relationships, health and finances. I keep my eyes turned toward the Light and trust the guidance I receive.
The Lord went in front of them ... in a pillar of fire by night, to give them light.--Exodus 13:21
An appropriate message for the anniversary of September 11 from today's Daily Word:
The Christ Presence within me is my comfort and strength.
How blessed I am to know that the Christ Presence is within me. I need only relax and turn my attention inward to feel the calming, comforting presence of divine love. As I breathe deeply and release emotional and physical tension, I open my heart to an inpouring of support. I allow peace, like a welcome gentle breeze, to sweep over and through my being.
Comforted by love, infused with strength, I am a supportive presence for others. When offering help, I am guided in what to say and do. I behold the Christ in me and within all of God's children as our source of eternal comfort and strength.
May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father ... comfort your hearts and strengthen them in every good work and word.--2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17
The word family holds different meaning for different people. I may assume that being with family means connecting with the people who brought me into this world and raised me, those who shaped me during my formative years. But I may also consider my family to be the people with whom I share time, energy and love, either at home, at church, at work or at play.
While I would like to spend time with my family regularly, my physical presence may not be possible. Nevertheless, I can call, write or e-mail them, and I can be with them in my thoughts and prayers at all times. In truth, I am never far from those I love, the people I know as family. We are one in Spirit.
Whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all, and especially for those of the family of faith.--Galatians 6:10
In my last post, I discussed Madeline's "weighty" insecurities, and their detrimental effect upon her relationship with Ken. Intertwined with other fears and hang-ups about the opposite sex, these insecurities will ultimately lead to a formidable bout with panic and anxiety disorder (from which she eventually emerges victorious) as part of her own personal growth and spiritual development. In this sense, her insecurities are also a catalyst for positive, profound change in her life, much like Ken himself (although at a conscious level, he's quite unaware of it).
One of Maddy's biggest obstacles to success is her inability to fully and clearly articulate her deepest fears and feelings, especially to Ken. To get this point across dramatically in the book I employed italics to denote the thoughts swirling through her head, juxtaposed with her conflicting statements.
There's a dramatic example of this in Chapter 6, in a scene that also reveals the inner conflict between traditional values and contemporary culture:
“Maddy?” he asked softly, as he traced her arm from shoulder to wrist.
“Mmm-hmm?” She was exquisitely lost in the moment.
“Don’t you ever get curious?”
She turned her body so that she was now looking at him directly.
“Curious about what?”
“You know,” he gave her a telling glance, followed by a raised eyebrow. Then he felt sudden regret for even having asked the question.
But relief washed over him when he saw a smile slowly form on her face. “Well…” she began, her voice trailing off. As desirable as he made her feel and as tempted as she was, there remained an underlying fear, an almost irrational insecurity when it came to this very intimate act between a man and a woman.
For Maddy, it went far beyond the “your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit” teachings of the Catholic Church, repeated so often throughout her schooling she could almost hear them in her sleep. She’d long ago accepted the validity of these words; indeed, she took them to heart and wanted nothing more than to give herself to her husband—whoever he might turn out to be—for the very first time on their wedding night. It was simply that, as she grew older, she realized how few people, good people, had practically applied the same beliefs. Even Jake in all of his self-righteousness had admitted to sleeping with his college girlfriend, though he claimed that his ensuing guilt over it had been partially to blame for their break-up.
Beyond all of that, Maddy struggled with some deep-rooted insecurity about not being quite good enough, not having a body acceptable enough (she was after all, very small-breasted as Jake had so cruelly reminded her that evening), and not adequately aware enough of how exactly to please a man.And hadn’t she read stories in the hottest women’s fashion magazines about men leaving their wives over sexual dissatisfaction? Hadn’t she seen the endless articles about how to be better in bed?
She wanted so much to confide in him her conflicted emotions, to explain what was held so very deeply within her being. But as with that night in his waterbed, there was a frustrating disconnection between her innermost thoughts and their eloquent expression. All she could manage was some lame answer about how sex belonged within the confines of a marriage. Undeterred, he just smiled at her as he traced the curve of her face.
“I know, sweetheart and I respect that so much,” he assured her in his deep, sexy voice. “I just wondered that’s all. I know I’d like to know what it’s like be with you. Guess I’ll just have to marry you to find out.”
This entire scene is taken from real life, occurring one evening when "Ken" and I were alone on the couch watching television. And just like Maddy, I couldn't seem to trust him enough to confide all of the complex feelings I was experiencing. Ken's comment regarding marriage is a direct quote from his flesh-and-blood counterpart, and for the purposes of fiction, also a statement in support of traditional values. Yes, Ken is a 25 year-old young man with raging hormones and burning desires; but he's also a serious guy who very much wants to marry and settle down with the right woman. The fact that he's willing to wait for her is a testament to his strong character. (Too bad Ken's real life counterpart took a different course of action, one that changed him -- or at least my memory of him as a genuine, down-to-earth guy unaffected by the superficial aspects of life -- into someone I no longer recognize)
In Chapter 5, readers get a glimpse as to just how deeply Maddy's previous relationship with Jake Winston has wounded her when -- in an intimate moment in Ken's bedroom, she suddenly has a flashback that propels her to react in harsh opposition to the desires of her heart and body. And although she wants to explain fully the genesis of her discomfort, she cannot bring herself to articulate the words:
Maddy covered her face with her hands, more embarrassed by her overreaction than outraged by Ken’s completely understandable attempt, considering they were all alone in his bedroom. She remained quiet while she tried to gather her composure, wanting so much to find the words to comfort him, to clarify for him the root cause of her discomfort. But it was as if the synchronicity between her thoughts and the physical mechanisms necessary to express them had completely failed her. All she could do was sit there in silence.
But when Ken finally pulled her into a hug, she didn’t resist. Instead, she buried her head in his chest and muffled an emotional apology.
“Nothing to apologize for, sweetheart,” he comforted her. “It’s ok. Everything’s ok.” His voice was a barely audible whisper as they held each other in the translucent beam of moonshine streaming from the window above them.
Ironically, although Ken treats Madeline with the utmost respect and dignity, in a very real sense he's the one who takes the punishment for Jake's wrongdoings, simply by being the very next guy to express an interest in her after the breakup. This is also exacerbated by Maddy's inability to communicate effectively, leaving him frustrated and unsure of her true emotions.
In the pivotal Chapter 19, newly engaged Ken shows up unexpectedly at Madeline's door to formally announce his status (a reality she's already aware of intuitively) and to ascertain her feelings about the situation. Perhaps more than any other part of the book, this section is the most dramatic example of the use of italics to denote the dichotomy between what the heart is experiencing and what the head is articulating via the spoken word.
I remember this all too well from real life and can confirm the conversation between Ken and Madeline to be nearly verbatim to the one that transpired between "Ken" and Daria. And like Madeline, part of my motivation for putting on the performance of a lifetime was also a lofty belief in morality, a desire to do the right thing (in my mind) by stepping aside:
“Now how do you feel?” he asked nervously.
How the hell do you think I feel Kenny? You were the one calling and crying on the phone for nearly two years about how much you loved me and missed me; the one who practically begged me to move here in the first place; and the one who kept your live-in girlfriend a secret until there was no turning back! How the hell do you think I feel after uprooting my entire life, hurting my family and having to face the consequences of a misinformed decision alone? How could you deceive me like that? Is this some sort of payback for hurting you?
“Hey, I think it’s great!” she replied brightly. “Congratulations! I’ve been dating a lot myself since I got here. Believe me; I have my own things going on!”
“Well you sure seem as if you’ve changed,” he noted with a twinge of sadness and more than a little confusion. This was not even close to the reaction he was expecting. Maybe Madeline hadn’t loved him after all.
Interesting update: During one of our emotionally charged telephone communications just prior to the release of the book, I told "Ken" that I should have received an Oscar for this performance. There was a moment of stunned silence in which he appeared truly taken aback. Reminiscing on this incident, I am amazed I even had the strength to put on such a compelling show. This was an incredibly painful time for me, one that is thankfully in the past.
For those who haven't read my analysis of Erin, in that post I allude to Chapter 19 as a foreshadowing of her self-centered shallowness and materialism, and the eventual demise of their marriage as a direct result. Fictional Ken gives it his best shot, but in the end realizes the futility of remaining with a woman whose intellect and emotions run about as deep as a puddle in the South Florida sun -- another example of where fiction differs from fact.
Coming Soon: More on Madeline, Philly sports teams and Ken.
In previous posts, I've described Water Signs as a literal, metaphorical and spiritual journey for its two main characters, Madeline Rose and Kenneth Lockheart. And since I alluded to Madeline's weight issues in my last post, I figured they merited a larger discussion in my next update.
When Chapter One opens, readers get an inkling of Madeline's motivations, fears and insecurities via her conversation with her good friend Carmen (based on a real-life friend), as the girls cruise down the Atlantic City Expressway bound for Ocean City, New Jersey. She's just been through a traumatic break-up with her first boyfriend, who's been harshly critical and judgmental due to his own personal issues (a topic I discussed -- along with the theme of forgiveness -- in the post, Maddy's Men). The dialogue centers around Maddy's lingering hang-ups about her appearance, which Carmen quickly attempts to dispel.
From the outset, I strove to highlight the preponderance of loving, supportive and protective people in Maddy's life, from family members to female friends -- while drawing a sharp contrast between her and the other characters -- beginning with Carmen in Chapter One:
“I know,” Carmen agreed. “But believe me; I miss my retail days in New York. Macy’s was tough, mostly due to a Type-A personality boss, but I met a lot of cool people. Counseling clients at New You Nutrition and Weight Loss isn’t exactly a dream job.”
“Isn’t it satisfying to help someone get into shape?” Madeline pursued.
“Only the people who are really serious about it,” Carmen replied. “But most clients just make up excuses and waste their money so they can claim to be doing something about their figure. And the company doesn’t mind because they’re raking in the dough. Not that the program isn’t good, it is. But not even the best weight loss plan on earth will work for someone who isn’t committed to it.”
“You should tell them you owe your skinny frame to New You, and not an inherited fast metabolism!” Madeline suggested, laughingly.
“Yeah, maybe I should!” Carmen agreed. “You look good, Maddy, by the way. I can tell you’ve lost some weight.”
“Yes, I’m trying!” Madeline patted her tummy. “All the walking and swimming I’ve been doing is paying off. And I’m being really careful about everything I put in my mouth. Just a few more pounds and I’ll be all set.”
“Now, don’t go off the deep end,” Carmen warned, suddenly becoming serious. “You are such a pretty girl and you look great. So just remember that, ok? You are beautiful the way you are right now.” Knowing her good friend was still reeling from a painful break-up a few months ago, Carmen wanted this to be a fun weekend for all of them.
“Jake’s an ass!” Carmen shot back, her fiery Latin temper flaring. “Who the hell was he to criticize you? It’s obvious you weren’t dating him for his good looks. He should have been grateful to have a cute girl like you on his arm, instead of acting like a complete jerk and dumping you over the phone. At least be a man and face things head on. What a wuss!”
Partly due to her seemingly unconquerable belief in her own inferiority where men are concerned, Maddy initially reacts harshly to Carmen's announcement of their impending dates later that evening -- although there's another glaring fact that adds insult to injury. This is also an instance where I employed a bit of foreshadowing just prior to the introduction of Ken:
“Well, while we’re on the subject, I have to confess something.”
Uh-oh. Knowing Carmen, it wasn’t good news.
“What?” Madeline asked defensively, bracing herself for the answer.
“Mary Ellen is trying to get these guys to bring a friend along for you—”
“Aw, Carmen!” she protested.
“Look, I don’t even know if the guy will make it, but you have to start somewhere. These men are successful in business and they’re really cute. We’ll all just go out and have some fun. It’ll be great, you’ll see!”
“Do you even know anything about them?”
“Well, I know they have some kind of import/export business in Atlantic City. And I think they’re from Iran or someplace in the Middle East.”
Fabulous.
Maddy’s type was definitely the masculine, clean-cut all-American guy either in uniform, or out of the pages of Football Digest or GQ; while she had an appreciation for other cultures, she had no desire to date someone from another country—European, Middle Eastern or otherwise. As was her usual reaction to distressing news, she sat in silence.
A little while later, I took a few paragraphs to describe the girls' contrasting appearances, as well as the dichotomy between Madeline's self-image and reality, in addition to another bit of foreshadowing:
The girls headed upstairs to get ready. It was already after 6 p.m. and they were planning to go out to eat before heading to the Key Largo dance club just over the causeway in Somers Point. At the Point Diner a little while later, Madeline watched in awe as Carmen devoured a burger and fries, while she carefully stuck to grilled chicken and salad. In spite of her slim figure, Carmen often ate starchy, fattening foods, none of which ever affected her thin frame. It was a luxury Maddy had never enjoyed.
But she looked adorable in a cute white summer outfit consisting of a long, sequined white top over tight leggings, cinched at the waist. She’d pulled her flowing auburn hair back into a loose ponytail, held with a rhinestone clip, and her favorite comfy silver pumps, in anticipation of dancing the night away. Carmen looked stunning in a black linen dress and high-heeled sandals, her dark hair falling straight just below her shoulders. Little did Maddy know at the time, but she would find herself sitting in the very same booth a few hours later, under very different circumstances.
Astute readers will understand that, given Madeline's overly critical and distorted self-image, the fact that Ken is first attracted to her stunning Latin girlfriend -- going so far as to purchase a long-stemmed rose and present it to her on the dance floor -- sets the foundation for the conflict to ensue in the budding, unexpected relationship that develops between her and the handsome former US Navy sailor.
Lost in the music, Madeline never saw it coming, but suddenly she looked up to see a hand holding a long-stemmed rose in front of Carmen; a little red devil was attached to it. Then Maddy caught a glimpse of the rose’s buyer and her heart skipped a beat—too bad he was interested in her friend. It seemed so unfair since Carmen already had a date for the evening, unbeknownst to this handsome stranger. But despite her disappointment, Madeline laughed right along as Carmen accepted the gesture and began to dance with her new suitor.
And of course, it's only when Carmen's date for the evening finally arrives at the club that Maddy even gets the opportunity to hang out with Ken in the first place -- when something inside compels her to extend the invitation, much to her own astonishment:
“Maddy,” Carmen asked again, “What are you going to do?”
Feeling strangely emboldened, Madeline announced, “I’m not going with all of you. I’m staying here and hanging out with Ken!” Then turning to him, she asked softly, “Is that ok with you?”
“Yes, that’s fine with me,” he agreed, giving her a high-five. Maybe the night’s not lost after all, he surmised. She’s seems truly adorable. It won’t hurt to spend a few hours getting to know her.
“Ok, but you better be nice to her,” Carmen warned Ken as she stepped into the back seat of her entourage’s Lincoln Continental.
In spite of her insecurities, Maddy demonstrates even more confident self-assertion when her newly designated date for the evening can't stop haranguing her over what he considers to be Carmen's dishonorable actions:
“You know I have to say I really don’t understand your friend. Why would she lead me on like that when she knew she had a date? And did you see those guys? I mean, I spent four years of my life defending this country from people like that and she and her anorexic friend run off with them?”
“Hey Ken, calm down! I agree with you about Iran, but that doesn’t mean those guys are like their crazy government. And you have to know Carmen; she’s just a free spirit. No one tells her what to do. I’m just glad they didn’t bring a friend for me, ‘cause long hair and grunge is definitely unappealing.”
“Well she still shouldn’t have accepted my rose,” he stated emphatically.
Maddy had enough. Cute as he was, she had no desire to talk about Carmen all night; watching Nick-At-Nite at home was sounding better and better. Overcoming her usual hesitance around guys, she spoke up. “Look, Ken, you’re here with me now. Either we’re gonna dance and have a good time, or I’m outta here! What’s it gonna be?”
Pleasantly surprised by her feistiness, he took her by the hand and exclaimed, “Well, let’s dance!”
By the way, this entire chapter is pretty faithful to real life, down to the little red devil attached to the rose; Maddy's amazement at Ken's foresight in bringing along a clean shirt to change into; Ken's initial anger about Carmen leaving the scene with another guy; and his marveling at Maddy's "tiny" hands. Even the conversation in bold above is absolutely true, and like Maddy, I surprised myself with my own comfort level around this guy; I seemed to have no qualms at all about telling him in no uncertain terms exactly how I felt. Unfortunately, that didn't last long as the relationship progressed, as I will detail in another post.
Once Ken and Maddy break the ice with a dance, the rest of the evening unfolds effortlessly. Their light-hearted conversation reveals many similarities, including their shared birthday (which, as I've noted before is an example of creative license; the real guy and me are both Pisces, but our birthdays are about two weeks apart), Catholic upbringing and status as "the baby" in their respective families. However, Maddy's insecurities flare up again upon learning more about this intriguing new suitor, unbeknownst to him:
Under the cover of magnificent moonlight enhanced by the muted sounds of music emanating from inside the club, Ken and Maddy chatted for hours. He shared funny and sad stories of his time in the military as she eagerly listened, fascinated by his life experience. At 25, she’d never even left her hometown, let alone traveled the world. Except for a Caribbean cruise with a few college girlfriends after graduation and some assorted family trips to places like Disneyworld and Chicago, she’d lived a pretty uneventful life. Heck, Maddy had even commuted to a university minutes from her house because she hadn’t felt quite ready to leave the nest. At the same age, Ken had enlisted to serve in foreign lands.
She also noticed something admirable and attractive in him—an inner spark, a desire to make something of himself. He was determined to rise above his roots in a sleepy Shore town and accomplish much greater things than his older brothers, all of whom seemed content to work in a local pizza shop.
From the get-go, Ken exposes himself as an entirely different kind of man from Jake, which ironically heightens Madeline's insecurity. After two years of constant berating about her weight, her choice of dress and even her bust size, it's a shock to the system (albeit a pleasant one) to be with a man who's constantly complimenting her. Although he's quite sincere, she cannot seem to reconcile his glowing impression of her with the unattractive one residing deep within her own psyche.
And her inability to clearly articulate her feelings -- coupled with Ken's deeply held thoughts of inferiority in the face of Madeline's highly accomplished family -- will help to destroy their relationship the first time around.
Some exciting happenings are in the works for both Water Signs and my new media career, thanks to the support of some incredible people. One happens to be my big brother Mark, who mentioned my book to a prominent a.m. talk show host last week during a call-in. While I am not going to disclose the name of the particular host, if he likes my novel, it could be a huge break for me. Mark noted he was very open and enthusiastic about possibly helping a little-known author hit the big time. I mailed off a copy yesterday, and will certainly follow-up on any results!
Another dear friend, Roxanna, a prominent local businesswoman and all-around awesome lady, pitched Water Signs to a friends of hers who own a publishing company. Again, I will remain mum until there's something to tell, but no matter what happens, I was thrilled to pass along a copy of my first book to this well-known company.
And yet another Facebook-turned-real-life friend emailed today with an offer of marketing assistance that I could not refuse. She's a sharp, wonderful person whose expertise is definitely needed!
Finally, to my loyal friend Don, whose brotherly friendship is a tremendous gift, thank you again for interviewing me yesterday! You can check out the profile piece here.
The events of just the past few weeks have reinforced the importance of remaining persistent and keeping the faith with a positive attitude and outlook. As Calvin Coolidge noted, "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence."
Several months ago, prompted by some things I'd read on the internet and social media sites, I posted an article entitled Is Professionalism Passe in Cyberspace? While it was inspired by many different people (most of whom I don't know), a few of the twitterers and bloggers are indeed characters from real life -- whom I'd immortalized in my book.
I don't know when it became acceptable to reduce every little family dispute or personal problem into a 140-character status, or deliberately misspell (as opposed to abbreviate) words, but it seems that even the most professional and successful among us lose all sight of propriety when communicating in cyberspace. As I wrote:
...The topic is something that has been bothering me for quite some time, after having viewed some pretty idiotic twitter updates and blog posts from allegedly professional, busy and successful members of the business community. It doesn’t seem to matter how educated, knowledgeable or hard-working some people are; in their minds technology, unlike real life, simply does not demand a certain set of standards.
For example, why is it that we’d never purposely spell a word incorrectly in a business correspondence, personal letter or even an email, yet some of us think it’s cute (or worse, cool, as if middle-aged men should still be concerned with such things) to do so in a 140-word character status? I am not quibbling with the necessary use of abbreviations when limited to such a low word-count — I am talking about deliberately misspelling common words.
I get that for many, typing up a cutesy status update just for fun helps to blow off steam and adds a little levity to life -- something we all desperately need in the age of Obama. And as I mentioned in the post, perhaps the English Major in me is being a bit too judgmental of those who are simply using social media as a way to connect with friends and family. Still, reading posts like "Getting ready to strangle mom-in-law" is a little off-putting.
Yes, I understand it probably wasn't meant literally and that mother-in-law was most likely spared an untimely death; however, is it really a wise idea to broadcast your in-law issues into cyberspace, a forum where nothing ever really goes away? And if your wife has already demonstrated she has no qualms about logging into your personal account on a social media site and pretending to be you, chances are she's also checking out your twitter updates. Unless she either shares the same opinion of her mother, and/or has no problem with her husband disrespecting one of her parents, this seems like a great way to initiate an argument.
But we're also talking about a woman who brushes off the plight of the unemployed in a terrible economy:
And in an especially egregious status update given the state of the economy, a small business owner with pressing deadlines laments about being summoned for jury duty when so many others are unemployed, implying that those “lucky” souls should be the ones inconvenienced by civic responsibility, not important people like her. Pardon me, but if you’re a busy entrepreneur during a difficult recession in which nearly 10% of Americans are out of work, I’d say a little gratitude — not to mention tact — is in order. Yes, jury duty can be a detriment to the bottom line, but creating a status update bemoaning a minor obstacle and simultaneously taking a potshot at others in retaliation is just plain rude and insensitive.
And after what I'd learned from my photographer friend's friend, I wouldn't be surprised if the mother-in-law status update was perfectly acceptable to her.
Growing up, my mom (like so many others) often told me to choose my friends wisely because we are judged by the company we keep; moreover, she did her best to carefully steer me away from any kids she thought might be a bad influence, since it's so easy to succumb to peer pressure when you're young and impressionable. However, this logic still applies in adulthood.
For example, I finally had to break away from a friend whose constant negativity and habitual doom-and-gloom attitude eventually became too much to bear. I gave it nine very long years until the sheer fatigue and depressing aftereffects of being in her company made it impossible to continue the friendship. I wish her well, yet at the same time, have zero desire to rekindle the relationship.
Is it possible this standard applies to marriages, too? Can one spouse's personality rub off on the other's until that person no longer seems recognizable?
Because the guy who wrote about strangling his mother-in-law -- among other inane things -- is not the one I recall; he's certainly not the one I modeled a character after. And he's definitely not the one I shared some honest, emotional phone conversations with just prior to releasing my book. But he's for sure the Ken I choose to remember.
