Please join me on Friday, November 26 (yes, the infamous Black Friday) at 5 p.m. Eastern on Red River Writers Romance Edition on Blog Talk Radio for an enlightening, informative discussion on writing, marketing and finding success as a self-published author. Social media expert Kimberly Moore will interview me about my existing novel Water Signs, my forthcoming sequel Sea to Shining Sea, and the ways in which social media has helped me identify and engage my audience.
I'll share my experiences, what I've learned, and what I'll do differently the second time around. Whether you are a published author or an aspiring one, you won't want to miss this broadcast!
Live chat and phone lines will be open. Call-in # (646)-595-4478. Looking forward to seeing you on Friday, November 26 at 5 p.m. Eastern.
Oh and if you want to avoid mall and shopping center congestion, you can purchase my book at Amazon in either Kindle or paperback for the romantics on your list. ;)
Note: This piece originally appeared on Smart Girl Nation and Parcbench, written before the mind-boggling popularity of Jersey Shore hit its peak. As I noted on Parcbench, I've never actually watched Jersey Shore, but have heard enough about it to know it's just another show replete with negative stereotypes of Americans with Italian heritage. Wonder when Hollywood will be ready to do something really different and create show about a normal Italian American family facing the same problems and sharing the same experiences as other Americans. I won't hold my breath.
Moving Beyond the Mafia
Surprise! Most Americans of Italian descent speak proper English, work in legitimate professions and make positive contributions to society. So where are they in pop culture?
Let me begin by stating I abhor the notion of a “hyphenated” American. Raised in a patriotic, middle-class family that enthusiastically celebrated quintessential American holidays like Independence Day and Thanksgiving; actively participated in politics at the local, state and national levels; and sincerely appreciated the opportunities the USA afforded all of us, I have always considered myself an American first. Growing up as the youngest of five children, I related well to classic television programs like Little House on the Prairie and Eight is Enough, where conflicts arose out of such relatable things as sibling rivalry and the struggle to resist temptation when presented with a sometimes ambiguous choice between right and wrong.
None of the characters in the above-mentioned programs are Americans of Italian descent, yet they very much mirrored the folks I interacted with on a daily basis, whether family members, friends or acquaintances. The former series, with its emphasis on Christianity and faith, brought to life the values reinforced in my own home and Catholic school; the latter, although not overtly religious, also presented moral conflicts (e.g. when Joanie appeared naked in a stage production of a Midsummer Night’s Dream, to the horror of her unsuspecting father). Yet ironically, whenever pop culture did present characters in film or television that were specifically designated as Italian Americans, more often than not, I’d be left wondering where the hell these people came from.
Even the mostly positive portrayals tended to miss the mark. Take Arthur Fonzarelli (a.k.a. “The Fonz” or “Fonzie”) of Happy Days, for instance. A high school dropout and hard-working mechanic, he and his mother were abandoned by his father when he was just a young child. Fonzie is a typical womanizer who amazes establishment characters like Richie Cunningham with his prowess in attracting one hot babe after another, despite his cavalier love ‘em and leave ‘em relationship philosophy. And while he does evolve over the course of the series, eventually earning his high school diploma and becoming part-owner of Arnold’s Restaurant, he is mostly remembered for catchphrases like “Aaaay!” and for snapping his fingers at any random, attractive “chick” who caught his eye, causing her to immediately stop whatever she was doing and rush over to his side.
At the movie theater, things were not much better. Sure, there was Sly Stallone’sRocky, a film celebrating a scrappy, determined southpaw who against all odds finds incredible success as a professional boxer. Our inspiring hero is also a religious, patriotic family man who seeks counsel from his neighborhood priest before going into the ring, and genuinely falls in love with shy, late-bloomer Adrian, whom he eventually marries (can anyone ever forget his primitive howls of “Adrian!” while standing behind the ropes, beaten and bloodied, at the film’s conclusion?).
Now don’t get me wrong: as a Philadelphia native and a sucker for a good triumph-over-tragedy story, I absolutely love the character of Rocky Balboa. I’m just wondering where the educated, proper-English-speaking, Italian-American suburban dwellers with whom I am intimately acquainted, are represented in the entertainment industry. Most Hollywood productions would leave aliens visiting from outer space with the impression that all Italians are mobsters, wife-beaters (or at the very least, skirt chasers) and hooligans who either operate outside of the law or precariously on its fringes.
The most egregious example in recent times is of course, The Sopranos, described by Wikipedia as “a major commercial and critical success,” and “the most financially successful cable series in the history of television,” frequently hailed by critics as “one of the greatest television series of all time.” For those who have been hiding under a rock for the past ten years, the drama revolves around mobster Tony Soprano, a man who constantly struggles to reconcile the competing obligations of family with his role as head of a crime syndicate. Stereotypically, Tony’s problems include an overbearing mother and an inclination to cheat on his wife, in spite of his love for her.
David Chase (himself an Italian-American), The Sopranos creator, based the plot and characters on his own personal life and experiences growing up in New Jersey—in his own words, “applying his own family dynamic to mobsters.” Raised on gangster films like The Public Enemy and the crime series, The Untouchables, Mr. Chase “thought the Mafia setting would allow him to explore themes such as Italian-American identity and the nature of violence.”
I don’t begrudge David Chase his right to free speech or his authentic remembrances of childhood and adolescence. But it’s exceedingly frustrating that my upbringing and experience as an Italian-American are rarely, if ever, celebrated anywhere in pop culture. Where’s the representation of folks like my maternal grandfather, Raphael, who arrived on American shores at the age of eight with his widowed mother and two brothers? A gifted scholar, he learned and spoke proper English, attended the prestigious Central High School in Germantown, Philadelphia, and graduated from Temple University School of Pharmacy in 1919—an almost unheard of achievement for an immigrant. He then opened up a thriving corner drugstore, which became a neighborhood landmark for over 25 years.
Where are Italian-Americans like my Uncle Dan, an Admiral in the United States Navy? Where are all the strong, yet loving women like my Aunt Emma, who owned her own beauty salon, or my mom’s cousin Millicent, the first female graduate of Temple University School of Pharmacy? What about talented musicians like my cousins Joseph, Francis, Robert and William DePasquale, all of whom were in the Philadelphia Orchestra? Whither decent, upstanding men like my father, Dr. Alphonse J. DiGiovanni, son of blue-collar immigrants who worked his way through medical school and went on to a distinguished career as a general and vascular surgeon?
And let’s not forget about offspring. Out of my four siblings, two became successful attorneys (brother, Mark and sister, Carolyn), one a respected pathologist (brother, Paul) and still another, a productive, loving human being who beat the odds and worked for 24 years in material services at a local hospital (brother Ralph, born with Down syndrome in 1959). Among my closest friends and extended family members, there’s Lisa Macci, Family Law Attorney and host of The Justice Hour, a weekly talk radio program; Trish Doll, owner of a renowned PR firm; Frank Lavalla, highly competent dentist and entrepreneur; and Theresa Bonnie, small business owner and moving estimator extraordinaire. (While this list is impressive, it is by no means exhaustive. I wish I could include every individual that comes to mind, but alas, space constraints do not allow for that).
None of the aforementioned people have mob ties, nor do they talk as if they have a mouthful of food they forgot to swallow. All are bright, intelligent, law-abiding citizens who continue to make meaningful contributions to their country, clients and family. Yet none are represented specifically as Italian-Americans on film or television. That is a grave disservice, not only to them, but to their hard-working immigrant forefathers who came to America in search of a better life, and left an indelible mark on the country in the process.
Things took a turn for the better when Tre and I decided to hail a cab back to the Dresser Palmer House. Our driver was a friendly, Savannah born-and-bred man who took issue with the whole concept of his city as a supernatural phenomenon: "Ma'am, I've lived in Savannah for 56 years and I ain't once seen a ghost -- they just play that up for the tourists!"
"Feel better?" Tre asked, playfully poking me in the arm. I had to admit, it did feel good to hear a native deny Savannah's spectre tales so vehemently. However, there was still one more thing left to do.
After generously tipping our driver for the safe trip back and the reassurance (I was starting to believe I'd actually sleep that night), we entered the main floor of the house to chat with the evening manager. We'd been told someone was on the premesis at all times, and I wanted to get his or her take on the rumors we'd heard about the Inn.
We called out as we walked through the French doors and into the lovely dining area, which was already arranged with fine china and silverware for the next day's gourmet breakfast. We heard a sweet, friendly voice with a slight drawl respond before an adorable African-American young woman approached us from the back kitchen.
"Hi, I'm Deedee! How can I help y'all?"
"Is this place haunted? My friend here is scared to death," Tre noted.
"Heck, no!" she stated, rather emphatically. "I've been working here for 7 years and I told the owners if I ever once saw a ghost, I was outta here!"
I felt like I could breathe again. We chatted for several minutes, during which Deedee informed us that while some places in the city were indeed, haunted, she'd never experienced any problems at the Dresser Palmer House. Relieved, I took her by the arm and thanked her, as if to prove to myself that she really was a flesh and blood human being.
Upon returning to our room, though, I was still a little spooked. I've never been a fan of old buildings, having been raised in new homes where we'd always been the first inhabitants (I am my mother's daughter; I'd rather buy brand-new clothes at a discount store than buy anything that had once been worn by a stranger). Despite the comforting words of Deedee and the Cabbie, I never did sleep that night.
Tre graciously offered to let me keep the TV on all night (which I gratefully accepted) and periodically rolled over to inquire in a sleepy voice about my well-being. I was touched by the gesture, but just couldn't relax enough to drift off to dreamland. I decided that Savannah was a place to explore with a big, strong manly man, with whom a girl could snuggle up when things went bump in the night. And of course, the city's romantic aura definitely favored couples.
In any case, I never saw or heard anything terrifying that night, though old houses tend to make noise just fine on their own; Dresser Palmer House was no exception. It didn't help that our next-door neighbors had their television blaring, but I was willing to cut them some slack. For all I knew, they were ill-at-ease, too.
The next morning, on pure adrenalin, I cheerfully accompanied Tre down to breakfast, where we made the acquaintance of a nice couple from Wisconsin, over homemade spinach quiche and coffee. Scott and Kristin regaled us with tales of the haunted pub crawl they'd taken the night before, and confirmed some pretty strange occurances (cold spots, footsteps on the stairs, etc.).
But the most chilling story they shared involved the 17Hundred90 Inn, home of Anna, the Ghost. Anna was a young girl of 17 back in the 18th Century, whose family forced her to marry a man old enough to be her grandfather. He was the original owner of the Inn and basically made her his slave, forcing her to do all of the Inn's dirty work (which, in the days before running water, must have been thoroughly disgusting). He also beat her regularly.
When Anna fell in love with a strapping young sailor and made plans to run away with him, the Old Geezer uncovered their plot, and locked Anna in Room 204, where he beat her to within an inch of her life, then threw her to her death over the balcony. To this day, she haunts that very room, crying for her true love.
Unbelievably, there's a one-year waiting list for honeymooners, who apparently have nothing better to do on their wedding night than enjoy a wild confrontation with a despondant spirit (which doesn't bode well for the marriage). As the story goes, couples are rudely awakened in the middle of the night by a levitating Anna, crying her dearly-departed eyes out. People have reported feeling the tears on their faces and having their lingerie stolen. Reports say that couples run from the room in horror in the middle of the night and head for the safety of the closest hotel chain.
We all wondered why anyone would find that entertaining, but figured the Inn's new owners are laughing themselves all the way to the bank.
Luckily for sleep-deprived me, Tre loves to drive and took the wheel for the rest of our journey back to South Florida. I am happy to report that my condo stood just as I left, and my sleeping patterns have returned to normal.
Despite all of the weirdness, I'd be willing to revisit Savannah on the arm of a strong, understanding gentleman. Until then, I think I'll stick to visiting happy places like the beach and Disneyworld. Sleep well, Savannah!
So much for looking fear in the eye...all I wanted to do at that point was run as far and as fast as I could from "historic" Savannah and into the safety of my peaceful condo in Boca Raton. Alas, we were still a long 6-hour drive away from my well-manicured town on Florida's Gold Coast, and besides, we were technically still on vacation.
Not wanting to ruin the fun for Tre, I urged her to take the tour without me; after all, it was a Saturday night, and the place was bustling. I would blend in with the crowds, stick to the main streets and explore some "safe" places, like gift shops and ice cream parlors. After a "spirited" debate (which, thankfully left our friendship intact), we decided to leave the ghost tour for another day, and take in some Savannah nightlife.
Despite my emphasis on the spooks, Savannah has much to offer in this regard; whatever your musical preference, you can surely find an enjoyable venue in this city -- from jazz clubs to country western bars to dueling pianos. Tre and I eventually camped out at Savannah Smiles, a high-energy, fun-lovin' place with hot pianos, cold brews and --- lest we forget -- playful ghosts. Three times during the evening, the musical mayhem was interrupted by unexplained power failures, which didn't seem to bother the (mostly drunk) huge crowd. In fact, no explanation or apology ensued for each blackout; instead, such events appeared to be a matter of course, with the underlying assumption that when the "spirit moved them" the power would turn on again.
Surrounded by so many revelers, the blackouts didn't bother me, though I tried not to drink too much club soda with lime, since I wasn't sure if the haunts were also frequenting the Ladies Room. I am glad I hung in there, too, or I would have missed a thoroughly enjoyable "duel" between the North and South, in which one piano player represented the "Yankees" side and the other the "Rebels." Each would sing a few verses of either Yankee Doodle Dandy or The Land of Cotton (not sure if that's the exact title, but since it begins "Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton," that seems a pretty good guess). Anyway, that song always brings Elvis -- one of my all-time favorites -- to mind. I could just hear his deep, masculine voice warbling this tribute to his beloved Dixie.
For that reason perhaps, along with others, I have always had an affinity for the South, despite my Northeastern upbringing. For as long as I can remember I have been attracted to Southern accents, friendliness, love of country and tradition. The South possesses a shared identity and culture that no other region of the country can claim. As I cheered for the Southern side in this musical duel, my friend (a Floridian by way of New York)passionately threw her support behind the Yanks and wondered why I was fervently rooting for "the other side." Not surprisingly -- we were in the heart of the deep South after all -- the Rebels won the duel, but not before supplying the deliriously happy piano players with lots of US currency.
Later, as we strolled along the streets of Savannah, every once in a while a streetlight would inexplicably turn off, and Tre would remind me that she is indeed clairvoyant, and thus well-accustomed to this kind of eerie occurance.
As the hour drew closer to return to our haunted Inn, fear and dread began to overwhelm me again. Would we be confronted by a revenge-seeking ghost in the wee hours of the morning???? I guess I was about to find out.
If you've never had the pleasure of riding a pedicab, I highly recommend it, especially when visting a romantic city like Savannah. I've ridden on rolling chairs on the Atlantic City boardwalk (Tre and I had done that on this vacation as well) and the South Florida version of a pedicab in West Palm Beach's CityPlace; yet this was unlike any other experience.
Our rider was courteous and accommodating, even stopping by a market on the way to Vic's so Tre could pick up a few needed items. Ever the considerate tourist, she purchased a bottle of water for our diligent rider, who gratefully accepted the gift as he pedaled us down to the river.
On the surface Vic's is a delightful, elegant establishment with great food and a friendly waitstaff. That evening I enjoyed one of the best meals of my life -- blackened prime rib -- minus the horseradish mashed potatoes, with extra greens on the side, of course. Because it was such a large cut of beef, I happily shared it with Tre, whose scallop entree suffered by comparison (though she assured me it was indeed, delicious).
Our waiter was a cute, friendly guy, approximately in his mid-20's. Thanks to him, though, my resolve to confront my ghosts, so to speak, diminished rather quickly. He informed us that he lived well outside of the historic district as most of the buildings were seriously haunted, including our very lovely Dresser Palmer House (upon hearing this, I became determined to sleep in the car) and the third floor of the restaurant. "Whatever you do, he warned, "don't go to that floor."
Apparently, Vic's had once been a headquarters for the Confederate Army during the Civil War, and had thus experienced its share of bloodshed. Angry spirits on the third floor continued to do battle by furiously throwing objects around and otherwise making their presence known in frightening ways. In fact, our handsome waiter steadfastly refuses to close the place on his own, after enduring some spine-tingling confrontations with earthbound spirits.
Still (and perhaps due to the delectible cuisine), I felt pretty certain I could handle a walking ghost tour with a good friend and other tourists. Our dinner conversation consisted mostly of Tre giving me a pep-talk about how great I would feel once I pushed myself to look fear in the eye and survive the experience.
Somewhere in the middle of all of this, a wicked thunder and lightning storm, complete with a heavy downpour of rain, threatened our evening walking plans. However, by the time we lingered over coffee (and I must admit, a delectibly obscene piece of pecan cheesecake), the storm had passed and we (well at least Theresa) were ready for our "spirit walk." During the meal, Tre had even spotted a Confederate soldier out the window, walking in the rain; we never did determine if he was an actual ghost, or a dressed-up actor, though we saw no other such actors strolling around the entire night. Needless to say, she was pretty jazzed about spying on other spectres, now that we could do so sans umbrellas.
We reported to a beautiful town square, replete with foliage and a statue of John Wesley, Founder of the Methodist Church. Our friendly tour guides greeted us warmly and informed -- or rather -- terrified us (me) with tales of tourists getting slapped in the face, pulled away and otherwise confronted in decidedly unfriendly ways by the ghosts of Savannah. "But I thought we didn't actually go into the buildings," I meekly protested.
"Of course we go into the buildings. We're all about giving you an authentic experience!" one of the guides replied. As I scanned the crowd I realized that, unlike myself, these people truly considered this excellent entertainment. My heart began to pound in my chest as I not only confronted fear, but became entirely consumed by it. And when the tourguides confirmed hauntings at the Dresser Palmer House, what was left of my resolve drained out of me faster than a puddle in the South Florida sun.
We continue with Part Two of my multi-part series on the haunting beauty, enduring mystery and undeniable creepiness of Savannah, Georgia.
Sleepless in Savannah, Part Two
Tre and I arrived in Savannah a few hours later, crossing over a bridge reminiscent of the Sunshine Skyway in Tampa (though not quite as high). As we entered the charming riverside city, we were immediately smitten with its hanging Spanish moss, stunning architecture (featuring wrought-iron balconies, large verandas and plentiful flower boxes) and beautiful gardens.
Making our way down Gaston Street in the historic district, I began to think the ghost stories were concocted marketing fantasies designed to enhance the city's old-world elegance. Such reassurances went out the window, however, upon meeting Tom, the afternoon Manager of Dresser Palmer House.
The place itself was a marvel. It had recently undergone extensive renovations, thanks to new management, with freshly-painted walls and new bathroom fixtures. Its decor retained the aura of the 1700's however, with candelabras, chandeliers and other accoutrements gracing the parlor, dining and living areas.
In an effort to reassure myself, I queried Tom about the ghosts as he processed our credit cards. "Who told you it wasn't haunted?" he asked. My heart began to beat wildly in my chest.
Did David lie to me just to sell a room???
Tre noticed the terror-stricken look on my color-drained face. As if reading her mind, Tom tried to calm me by stating that ghosts only appear to those who believe; if you don't believe in them, you won't see them. Nice try, I thought, thinking of a haunted house in my former neighborhood in PA, whose owners had not desired to see or experience poltergeist, but nonetheless ended up fleeing their homestead because of repeated "disturbances." (for more on that read the book, Night Stalks The Mansion).
Regardless, we were now officially checked in to the Lady Astor, a pleasant-enough looking room in the daylight, anyway. Tom carried our heavily-laden suitcases up the back wrought-iron staircase and left with a promise to call Vic's on the River for dinner reservations. Partly because of the intense heat and partly because I didn't want to do it at night, I decided to take a shower.
Feeling refreshed, I had to admit I was taken with the true Southern hospitality offered by the Inn's gracious staff. Tre informed me that Tom was calling a pedicab for us to ensure our arrival in time for a 7 p.m. reservation at Vic's, and was also working diligently to reserve us a spot in the 9:30 pm. walking ghost tour. She was truly excited about touring haunted Savannah; unwilling to dampen her enthusiasm, I nervously agreed to "overcome my fears." Besides, what could happen standing outside of a haunted building??
Note: Since Halloween is just around the corner, I thought I'd repost a multi-part series I'd written four years ago after visiting Savannah, Georgia with a good friend. While I didn't actually see any ghosts or walk through any "cold spots", I experienced a relentless, palpable discomfort during my brief but memorable 24-hour stay in this simultaneously charming, historic and eerie southern city. And while I'd definitely visit again, this time I'd be sure to stay in a hotel somewhere on the outskirts of town -- far from any paranormal activity. A girl needs her beauty sleep, you know! ;)
Sleepless in Savannah, Part One
For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to visit Savannah -- a city rich in history, tradition and Southern charm and hospitality. Several close friends who've spent time in the Garden of Good and Evil have had nothing but praise for its wealth of culture, cuisine and myriad attractions. None of their glowing reviews, however, ever mentioned the fact that Savannah is also well-known as "the most haunted city in North America."
Had I been aware of this well-deserved title, I may never have agreed to accompany Theresa on an overnight stay in the historic district, on our way back to South Florida from Pennsylvania. To be honest, I did have an inkling about the city's supernatural tendencies, mainly because Theresa excitedly talked of staying in a haunted Bed and Breakfast, until I begged her to compromise on our lodging arrangements, to which she graciously agreed.
In return, I nervously conceded to participating in a walking ghost tour, like those offered in St. Augustine (based on her experience in America's oldest city, Tre was positive we wouldn't actually enter any haunted buildings, but merely stay outside while the guides regaled us with tales of horror and history). We'd soon find out that Savannah does things a little differently when it comes to giving their guests an authentic, spine-tingling experience (more on that later).
Thanks to the marvels of modern technology, we were able to call ahead to several places, using the GPS (whose female satellite voice we dubbed "Sally"), while cruising south on I-95 somewhere in South Carolina. After many fruitless calls ("Sorry ma'am, but we're booked solid") I finally called what I thought was a Hampton Inn safely on the outskirts of town.
A friendly voice answered, "Good afternoon, Dresser Palmer House!" and I knew right away I was in trouble: I had to at least ask if rooms were available, in fairness to my friend, though I dreaded a positive answer. Unbelievably, they had one room left -- The Lady Astor -- which came with a Queen-sized bed and a fireplace. As if to eliminate any possibility that this was a trap set up by phantoms of the underworld, I asked if the place was haunted. "Do you want it to be?" the nice gentleman on the line queried, to which I firmly responded with a resounding NO!
He then assured me that while many B & B's in Savannah were indeed inhabited by earthbound spirits, Dresser Palmer House had never had any problems. Feeling somewhat better, though still a bit apprehensive, I made the reservation (much to Theresa's delight). That's just the beginning of the story. More to come in my next post.
I am bold in spirit. I speak and act from Spirit within.
Just as surely as Spirit guides me, so, too, does Spirit prepare and empower me to accomplish every good I have been guided to seek. As I listen in the silence of my soul, I open to receive wisdom and understanding.
Any tendency to be timid about carrying through on divine understanding vanishes. I am bold in spirit. I feel at ease in making decisions, and I am open to better ways and means of doing my best--for myself and for others.
Being bold in spirit does not mean that I force or coerce others to believe or act as I do. Understanding and compassion, patience and cooperation flow from Spirit in all I think, say and do. I do my best, and I help to bring out the best in others.
Since, then, we have such a hope, we act with great boldness.--2 Corinthians 3:12
Note: In honor of my brother Ralph's upcoming birthday on October 4, I am posting a piece I'd originally written in 1997, then updated a few years ago. Last year, this amazing human being, son, brother, uncle and friend celebrated a remarkable milestone -- his 50th birthday -- which drew family and friends together for a Hollywood-style gala in Springfield, PA (although he's a big conservative, Ralph is also an avid movie-buff ;).
An inspiration to all, my 2nd oldest brother is just one of many special souls who never fails to demonstrate the very best of human nature. While it's heartening to witness society's evolution in mainstreaming and accepting our brothers and sisters with Down's and other handicaps, one of the most troubling statistics I learned during the 2008 election, thanks to Sarah Palin's beautiful son Trig, is that 90% of unborn babies discovered to have Down syndrome are aborted. I pray for those loving creations of God who never had an opportunity to bless this world with their presence.
Happy Birthday, Ralph!
A Little Down Syndrome
As the youngest child in a family of five children and two wonderful parents, I have never had to look far for role-models. My positioning in the family line-up afforded me the opportunity not only to observe the behavior and personal characteristics of the people around me, but also to learn from their experiences.
Looking back, I realize that we all faced our own unique challenges, as is true today. As a slightly overweight child, adolescent, and young adult (I’ve since toned down to a healthy weight, which I’ve maintained for the most part), there were times when I felt as if I were the only put-upon soul on this earth. During my school years, I came to know and understand through personal experience the validity of the expression, “kids are cruel.”
But what I didn’t appreciate back then was that my elementary and high school angst paled in comparison to the obstacles life threw at one very special family member, someone whom I’ve come to regard as a hero — my brother, Ralph.
Ralph recently celebrated his 49th birthday, surrounded by his adoring nieces and nephews, siblings, and parents. For 23 years he worked in material services at a local hospital, where he was loved and respected by his boss, co-workers, and other hospital personnel.
In his spare time, he enjoys movies, both in the theater and at home (his DVD collection now exceeds 250 titles), attending wrestling matches, swimming, dancing (the guy can cut a rug!), babysitting for his nieces and nephews (characterized by lively rounds of “PlayStation”), and traveling (he often spends time with me at my place in Boca Raton, FL). Ralph is also an active member of the Knights of Columbus—not bad for someone who at birth, was predicted to amount to nothing more than a vegetable.
Ralph arrived on October 4, 1959, the second-born child of my parents, Rose and Al. Despite the trauma of his premature birth and the absence of my father who was working in upstate Pennsylvania as part of his medical residency, Mom was thrilled to have a baby brother for her older child, Mark, then 17 months-old. When she held the beautiful blond-haired, blue-eyed infant in her arms, the young 28 year-old mother felt truly blessed. Ralph was a sight to behold.
Her joy was shattered early the next morning, however, by a visit from Ralph’s pediatrician, who matter-of-factly informed her that her baby had been born with a terrible affliction known as Down syndrome. With clinical certainty, he pronounced that Ralph’s future would indeed be bleak. Pointing to a tree outside the window, he explained that my brother would be just like a tree trunk—unable to do anything but stand there. To say that this guy had no bedside manner would be an understatement. He completed his “professional analysis” by recommending Ralph’s institutionalization since my Dad was a resident doctor, and the presence of a handicapped child would be a “stigma” on the young family.
The more he spoke, the angrier my mother became—after the initial shock. Summoning her courage and faith in God, she ordered the doctor out of her room with the firm admonition to stay away from her baby. As of that moment, he was no longer Ralph’s pediatrician. Filled with an inner strength and supported by my father and close family members, she vowed to do everything in her power to help this special boy reach his full potential. And she would soon discover its scope went far beyond anything the “experts” foresaw.
Under the guidance and tutelage of my determined mother, Ralph crawled early, walked early, ate with no problems, and even toilet-trained early. A loving, affectionate child, he was a source of joy for his parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a wonderful playmate for his big brother. Mom switched to a new pediatrician—a kind, caring man named Dr. John Williams—who applauded her efforts and was amazed at all that Ralph had accomplished.
As he grew, Ralph attended kindergarten, followed by first-grade where he was placed in the special education section. It was there that he flowered under the supervision of a dedicated teacher named Ruth Izumi. Ruth’s patience and caring assisted Ralph in garnering all of the knowledge and skills he would need to live a happy, productive life. Above all, she taught him to believe in himself and his abilities.
Ralph continued his education through the public school system, eventually graduating from Marple-Newtown Senior High in 1978. Though only 11 years-old at the time, I remember watching the ceremony and observing how gratifying it was that the school did not separate these “special” graduates; they processed in line with all of the other seniors. Additionally, Ralph had interacted with everyone during his high school years, attending class trips, parties and other festivities. He’d also been a member of the swim team and a participant in the Special Olympics. It sure was a long way from that dismissive doctor’s ominous prediction the day after his birth!
Growing up, I didn’t truly appreciate Ralph as I do now, though I understood his challenges in being “different.” There were days at the Springfield Swim Club when, standing in line at the snack bar or diving board, we’d hear the taunts of “Retard!” Though visibly shaken and misty-eyed, Ralph maintained his dignity and bravely ignored the ignorant comments of their limited young minds. As a little girl, I wasn’t quite so accommodating. On several occasions, I remember physically pushing the bullies who ridiculed him with the clear admonition to “leave my brother alone!”
Sometimes in the movie theater, Ralph and I would be forced to change our seats when the gawking stares of other people became unbearable. It would be comforting to report that most of this bad behavior originated from immature children; however, many “mature” adults were some of the most-guilty parties. To this day, I find that difficult to accept.
Perhaps the taunts of strangers seemed particularly tasteless given the way my parents raised all of us. Ralph was never babied or pampered because of his condition. When he did something worthy of special recognition, he was praised; if he did something bad (like tell a lie), he was disciplined appropriately. Because he was subject to the same rules and treated as one of the family, I never perceived Ralph as being “handicapped.” He was simply one of my older brothers, all of whom I adored.
But it wasn’t long before the world told me differently. And soon, he caught on too. One telling evening, my sister Carolyn, Ralph, and I — ages 9, 12, and 4, respectively — were playing in the finished basement of our house. Amid the merriment, Ralph suddenly became very thoughtful. Looking at the two of us with very serious eyes, he asked if he was “retarded.” After some careful consideration, during which Carolyn and I exchanged worried glances, she finally proclaimed with the wisdom of a 9 year-old, “Just a tiny, tiny bit.” In an effort to emphasize the extent of the insignificance, she brought her thumb and index finger close together. Then she assured Ralph that, no matter what, he was our brother and always would be. Satisfied with that explanation, he resumed his activity.
Over the years, Ralph has been so much more than just an older brother. He’s been a loyal friend, a good listener, a fun-loving companion, and an excellent “hugger.” When there was no one else to play with, Ralph was always a willing participant. From mimicking the dance routine of John Travolta and Olivia Newtown-John to “You’re The One That I Want,” from the movie musical Grease to challenging each other to swimming games in the pool (like trying to determine who could hold their breath longer under water), time spent with Ralph was invaluable and precious.
As a young adult, he faced another challenge: alopecia, a scalp condition that causes irreversible hair loss. Within weeks, it claimed his light-brown hair. To bolster his self-esteem, Mom had him fitted for a wig. Though he continues to wear one to this day, there are times when he must summon the courage to go without. Those first few days at the beach or by the pool were the most difficult, but, like everything else, Ralph took it all in stride.
Inevitably, as time went by, Ralph also had to deal with separation. Perhaps the most difficult was my brother Paul’s departure from the family nest to attend Vanderbilt Medical School in Tennessee, since Paul and Ralph had always shared a room. It marked the end of an era and the beginning of new transitions as eventually, Paul, Mark, and Carolyn married and moved out permanently. Though he felt these changes deeply, Ralph accepted them graciously. He stood up for Paul as best man in his wedding and acted as an usher for both Mark and Carolyn. Today, he enjoys close relationships with his sisters-in-law and brother-in-law, as well as their offspring.
When I decided to move away soon after Carolyn’s wedding, Ralph found himself an only child. Though I’ve never regretted my decisions, I miss Ralph’s “huggies” and taking him to the movies at the spur-of-the-moment. We visit as often as we can, and, in between, I love hearing about his social life and latest escapades. Ralph has a way of endearing himself to people in a way that is difficult to explain yet marvelous to witness. He exudes a combination of honesty and warmth that is as rare as it is irresistible.
Once, my dad went to the movie theater to pick up Ralph at the agreed-upon time. Not finding him in the lobby, Dad then went next door to Pizzeria Uno, knowing it was one of his favorite hangouts. When he described Ralph to the hostess, her face lit up as she pointed to the bar. Sure enough, there he was, having a few beers with the guys. Noticing my father, he promptly introduced him to his friends. As they made their way out of the restaurant, Dad asked if they were people he knew from work. “Oh no, Dad,” he’d replied, “I just met them and started talking to them when I went in for a pizza.”
So it seems Carolyn was correct in her assessment of Ralph’s condition. It is such a small part of who he is that it is nearly insignificant. Viewing it from a spiritual standpoint, I’m convinced that Ralph is an advanced soul, put on the earth to make other people better. He’s been an inspiration and a testament to faith for my entire family, and my siblings and I are more sensitive, considerate human beings as a result of growing up with him.
Several years after Carolyn’s childhood observation, Ralph was solicited for life insurance through the Knights of Columbus. He had just received his 4th degree, which is quite an achievement. The salesman sat down with him and methodically posed a series of health-related questions: “Do you have high blood pressure? Do you get dizzy spells? Do you have diabetes?” After a lengthy period of negative responses, a frustrated Ralph echoed his sister’s long-ago words: “Look, Mister, there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. All I have is a little Down syndrome, that’s it!” As he spoke, he gestured to make his point by bringing his thumb and index finger together, as Carolyn had done. There were no more questions. The next week, Ralph received approval for his life insurance.
Today, Ralph is inspiring the next generation, as his nieces and nephews — ranging in age from four to 16—clamor to spend quality time with “Uncle Ralph.” A particularly proud moment took place recently involving my then eight-year-old nephew Mark. My sister-in-law Lisa had taken a few of them to the movies, and, when one of his friends remarked that Ralph was “funny looking,” young Mark snapped back that insults to his uncle would not be tolerated.
And with my parents aging (though at 77, they are in excellent health), inevitable thoughts of the future pop into my head from time to time, though I absolutely dread the day when they are no longer with us. As devastated as I know I’ll be, Ralph will feel the loss even more deeply when his live-in companions make their transition. It will rattle his feelings of security and call the rest of us to action. I’d already determined countless years ago that any potential mate must be open to the possibility of welcoming Ralph into our home, whether on a permanent or part-time basis. My married siblings are also prepared for that new phase of life, and I pray that their spouses remain understanding when it finally arrives.
It’s the least we can do for a brother who’s taught us that even the worst prognosis can be overcome with a little love, faith, courage, and determination.
Standing under a tree on a windy fall day, watching the leaves fall down around me, I experience the richness of God's bounty. I know that money does not grow on trees, but those leaves symbolize the good that is available to me. Spirit continually showers me with blessings in a variety of forms--a friendly smile, a phone call from a loved one, or an awareness of total well-being.
Spirit is the source of my every good. As I pray and meditate on the good in my life, I become conscious of the ways in which I am blessed. Spirit is the fulfillment of every need. I have only to center myself in Spirit, my infinite Source, and notice the goodness showering down around me.
See if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you an overflowing blessing.--Malachi 3:10
The presence of God watches over me; it is within and around me, enfolding me in love and guiding me in right ways. If I encounter a situation in which I feel frightened or uneasy, I affirm: The presence of God watches over me, and I know I am not alone.
I may picture the presence of God as an open umbrella, protecting me from the "weather" of life. Regardless of any seeming storm or wind of change I may encounter, I stand safely in God's presence.
Though outer conditions may seem chaotic, I maintain inner peace and composure. My mind is tranquil because the peace of God comes from within, from an awareness that we are one. There is no need to be concerned or afraid. I am protected in every way.
Protect me, O God, for in You I take refuge. -- Psalm 16:1
Putting things off until tomorrow is simply putting them off all together. When I delay in getting things done, it may be because I do not want to do them at all. When I accept what is, I then have an opportunity to move forward without delay. All effort, work and accomplishment take place in the present, not in the future. I release my tendency to put things off, and I begin.
Much of the inclination to postpone projects and responsibilities lies in my need for order and organization in my thinking and in my life. If I am slow in getting things done, I can map them out and approach them one by one. In the glorious now of Holy Spirit, there is no more delay or procrastination.
Do you not say, "Four months, then comes the harvest"? But I tell you, look around you, and see how the fields are rip for harvesting. -- John 4:35
I choose thoughts, words and actions that set me free.
Why does one driver smile and relax in traffic, while another is tense and irritable? It's a matter of choice. Freedom of choice is an expression of our spiritual freedom, and it affects our attitudes and experiences.
Today I have a simple choice: I can be held captive by irritation and restrictive ways of thinking and being, or I can practice genuine spiritual freedom by expressing love in all I think, say and do.
I choose thoughts and words that are free of disapproval or the need to be right. I choose activities that nurture my body and mind, expressing the freedom of my soul. I choose to treat others in ways that reflect and attitude of spirit of freedom and love.
You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free. -- John 8:32
In anticipation of an upcoming change, I may wonder what my life will look like. Will it ever be the same? The truth is that every day is filled with change. Some changes are major turning points and others are minor adjustments.
Instead of worrying about what may happen in the days, weeks and months ahead, I choose to remain calm and confident. I know that good is always present, because God is always present. Attuned to God, I am aware of everlasting good.
I welcome the turning points in my life that bring new opportunities to recognize, accept and experience the good that awaits me.
Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. -- James 1:17
My faith is a gift from God. It never leaves me. It is with me at all times, ready to be applied in right ways. By exercising faith, I welcome all that I desire. I say "yes" to God and "yes" to my good.
When I am uncertain about which way to turn, I call upon faith to assist me. Faith surrounds me. It is love unwavering -- like the arms of a dear friend embracing me, letting me know, "I am here for you always". My faith allows me to surrender outcomes to Spirit. When I use faith rightly, I actively draw my good to me, bringing forth the visible from the invisible.
I exercise faith and see clearly God's good in me and in my life. I allow the Holy Spirit to work through me, and I am richly blessed.
Then he touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith, let it be done unto you." -- Matthew 9:29
A beautiful tapestry begins with a single thread. That thread may be died many different colors and woven with others into a variety of textures. In the hands of the artist, they have beauty and order, each thread a part of the magnificent whole.
I see myself as one of God's threads with my own unique color and texture. I am not separate from people or creatures or life around me. I am woven into the whole, and part of my family, my community, my country and our planet. We are each a unique expression of the One Life and One Love.
I release the perception that any part of God's creation is less worthy than another. I am whole in mind, body and spirit. I see the wholeness of life, of which I am a part.
From one ancestor he made all nations to inhabit the whole earth. -- Acts 17:26
Every time I step out in faith, I embark on an adventure. When I am invited to do more than I think I can do, I call upon the Christ of my being. The Christ expresses as all the power, wisdom and courage I need to accomplish great things.
When I am invited to be a peacemaker in times of conflict, I call upon the Christ of my being. The Christ expresses as the compassion and understanding I need to be a transformational presence in painful situations.
When I am invited to share more than I think I have, I call upon the Christ of my being. The Christ expresses as new ideas, infinite supply and all the abundance I need to be a blessing to my world.
Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, "Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border..." And God granted what he asked." --1Chronicles 4:10
In ancient rituals, people rose in the morning and turned toward the sun, honoring the source of light and warmth that sustained all life. Even on cloudy days they turned in the sun's direction and honored the source they knew to be present.
I turn within to find the light of God that is always there. I close my eyes and remove my attention from any confusion. I place my focus on my breath and open my mind. In the stillness, I receive the guidance I need. I am not in darkness, for God's light is ever shining, illuminating a path to my highest good.
With new awareness, I see possibilities for greater good in my relationships, health and finances. I keep my eyes turned toward the Light and trust the guidance I receive.
The Lord went in front of them ... in a pillar of fire by night, to give them light.--Exodus 13:21
An appropriate message for the anniversary of September 11 from today's Daily Word:
The Christ Presence within me is my comfort and strength.
How blessed I am to know that the Christ Presence is within me. I need only relax and turn my attention inward to feel the calming, comforting presence of divine love. As I breathe deeply and release emotional and physical tension, I open my heart to an inpouring of support. I allow peace, like a welcome gentle breeze, to sweep over and through my being.
Comforted by love, infused with strength, I am a supportive presence for others. When offering help, I am guided in what to say and do. I behold the Christ in me and within all of God's children as our source of eternal comfort and strength.
May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father ... comfort your hearts and strengthen them in every good work and word.--2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17
The word family holds different meaning for different people. I may assume that being with family means connecting with the people who brought me into this world and raised me, those who shaped me during my formative years. But I may also consider my family to be the people with whom I share time, energy and love, either at home, at church, at work or at play.
While I would like to spend time with my family regularly, my physical presence may not be possible. Nevertheless, I can call, write or e-mail them, and I can be with them in my thoughts and prayers at all times. In truth, I am never far from those I love, the people I know as family. We are one in Spirit.
Whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all, and especially for those of the family of faith.--Galatians 6:10
In my last post, I discussed Madeline's "weighty" insecurities, and their detrimental effect upon her relationship with Ken. Intertwined with other fears and hang-ups about the opposite sex, these insecurities will ultimately lead to a formidable bout with panic and anxiety disorder (from which she eventually emerges victorious) as part of her own personal growth and spiritual development. In this sense, her insecurities are also a catalyst for positive, profound change in her life, much like Ken himself (although at a conscious level, he's quite unaware of it).
One of Maddy's biggest obstacles to success is her inability to fully and clearly articulate her deepest fears and feelings, especially to Ken. To get this point across dramatically in the book I employed italics to denote the thoughts swirling through her head, juxtaposed with her conflicting statements.
There's a dramatic example of this in Chapter 6, in a scene that also reveals the inner conflict between traditional values and contemporary culture:
“Maddy?” he asked softly, as he traced her arm from shoulder to wrist.
“Mmm-hmm?” She was exquisitely lost in the moment.
“Don’t you ever get curious?”
She turned her body so that she was now looking at him directly.
“Curious about what?”
“You know,” he gave her a telling glance, followed by a raised eyebrow. Then he felt sudden regret for even having asked the question.
But relief washed over him when he saw a smile slowly form on her face. “Well…” she began, her voice trailing off. As desirable as he made her feel and as tempted as she was, there remained an underlying fear, an almost irrational insecurity when it came to this very intimate act between a man and a woman.
For Maddy, it went far beyond the “your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit” teachings of the Catholic Church, repeated so often throughout her schooling she could almost hear them in her sleep. She’d long ago accepted the validity of these words; indeed, she took them to heart and wanted nothing more than to give herself to her husband—whoever he might turn out to be—for the very first time on their wedding night. It was simply that, as she grew older, she realized how few people, good people, had practically applied the same beliefs. Even Jake in all of his self-righteousness had admitted to sleeping with his college girlfriend, though he claimed that his ensuing guilt over it had been partially to blame for their break-up.
Beyond all of that, Maddy struggled with some deep-rooted insecurity about not being quite good enough, not having a body acceptable enough (she was after all, very small-breasted as Jake had so cruelly reminded her that evening), and not adequately aware enough of how exactly to please a man.And hadn’t she read stories in the hottest women’s fashion magazines about men leaving their wives over sexual dissatisfaction? Hadn’t she seen the endless articles about how to be better in bed?
She wanted so much to confide in him her conflicted emotions, to explain what was held so very deeply within her being. But as with that night in his waterbed, there was a frustrating disconnection between her innermost thoughts and their eloquent expression. All she could manage was some lame answer about how sex belonged within the confines of a marriage. Undeterred, he just smiled at her as he traced the curve of her face.
“I know, sweetheart and I respect that so much,” he assured her in his deep, sexy voice. “I just wondered that’s all. I know I’d like to know what it’s like be with you. Guess I’ll just have to marry you to find out.”
This entire scene is taken from real life, occurring one evening when "Ken" and I were alone on the couch watching television. And just like Maddy, I couldn't seem to trust him enough to confide all of the complex feelings I was experiencing. Ken's comment regarding marriage is a direct quote from his flesh-and-blood counterpart, and for the purposes of fiction, also a statement in support of traditional values. Yes, Ken is a 25 year-old young man with raging hormones and burning desires; but he's also a serious guy who very much wants to marry and settle down with the right woman. The fact that he's willing to wait for her is a testament to his strong character. (Too bad Ken's real life counterpart took a different course of action, one that changed him -- or at least my memory of him as a genuine, down-to-earth guy unaffected by the superficial aspects of life -- into someone I no longer recognize)
In Chapter 5, readers get a glimpse as to just how deeply Maddy's previous relationship with Jake Winston has wounded her when -- in an intimate moment in Ken's bedroom, she suddenly has a flashback that propels her to react in harsh opposition to the desires of her heart and body. And although she wants to explain fully the genesis of her discomfort, she cannot bring herself to articulate the words:
Maddy covered her face with her hands, more embarrassed by her overreaction than outraged by Ken’s completely understandable attempt, considering they were all alone in his bedroom. She remained quiet while she tried to gather her composure, wanting so much to find the words to comfort him, to clarify for him the root cause of her discomfort. But it was as if the synchronicity between her thoughts and the physical mechanisms necessary to express them had completely failed her. All she could do was sit there in silence.
But when Ken finally pulled her into a hug, she didn’t resist. Instead, she buried her head in his chest and muffled an emotional apology.
“Nothing to apologize for, sweetheart,” he comforted her. “It’s ok. Everything’s ok.” His voice was a barely audible whisper as they held each other in the translucent beam of moonshine streaming from the window above them.
Ironically, although Ken treats Madeline with the utmost respect and dignity, in a very real sense he's the one who takes the punishment for Jake's wrongdoings, simply by being the very next guy to express an interest in her after the breakup. This is also exacerbated by Maddy's inability to communicate effectively, leaving him frustrated and unsure of her true emotions.
In the pivotal Chapter 19, newly engaged Ken shows up unexpectedly at Madeline's door to formally announce his status (a reality she's already aware of intuitively) and to ascertain her feelings about the situation. Perhaps more than any other part of the book, this section is the most dramatic example of the use of italics to denote the dichotomy between what the heart is experiencing and what the head is articulating via the spoken word.
I remember this all too well from real life and can confirm the conversation between Ken and Madeline to be nearly verbatim to the one that transpired between "Ken" and Daria. And like Madeline, part of my motivation for putting on the performance of a lifetime was also a lofty belief in morality, a desire to do the right thing (in my mind) by stepping aside:
“Now how do you feel?” he asked nervously.
How the hell do you think I feel Kenny? You were the one calling and crying on the phone for nearly two years about how much you loved me and missed me; the one who practically begged me to move here in the first place; and the one who kept your live-in girlfriend a secret until there was no turning back! How the hell do you think I feel after uprooting my entire life, hurting my family and having to face the consequences of a misinformed decision alone? How could you deceive me like that? Is this some sort of payback for hurting you?
“Hey, I think it’s great!” she replied brightly. “Congratulations! I’ve been dating a lot myself since I got here. Believe me; I have my own things going on!”
“Well you sure seem as if you’ve changed,” he noted with a twinge of sadness and more than a little confusion. This was not even close to the reaction he was expecting. Maybe Madeline hadn’t loved him after all.
Interesting update: During one of our emotionally charged telephone communications just prior to the release of the book, I told "Ken" that I should have received an Oscar for this performance. There was a moment of stunned silence in which he appeared truly taken aback. Reminiscing on this incident, I am amazed I even had the strength to put on such a compelling show. This was an incredibly painful time for me, one that is thankfully in the past.
For those who haven't read my analysis of Erin, in that post I allude to Chapter 19 as a foreshadowing of her self-centered shallowness and materialism, and the eventual demise of their marriage as a direct result. Fictional Ken gives it his best shot, but in the end realizes the futility of remaining with a woman whose intellect and emotions run about as deep as a puddle in the South Florida sun -- another example of where fiction differs from fact.
Coming Soon: More on Madeline, Philly sports teams and Ken.
In previous posts, I've described Water Signs as a literal, metaphorical and spiritual journey for its two main characters, Madeline Rose and Kenneth Lockheart. And since I alluded to Madeline's weight issues in my last post, I figured they merited a larger discussion in my next update.
When Chapter One opens, readers get an inkling of Madeline's motivations, fears and insecurities via her conversation with her good friend Carmen (based on a real-life friend), as the girls cruise down the Atlantic City Expressway bound for Ocean City, New Jersey. She's just been through a traumatic break-up with her first boyfriend, who's been harshly critical and judgmental due to his own personal issues (a topic I discussed -- along with the theme of forgiveness -- in the post, Maddy's Men). The dialogue centers around Maddy's lingering hang-ups about her appearance, which Carmen quickly attempts to dispel.
From the outset, I strove to highlight the preponderance of loving, supportive and protective people in Maddy's life, from family members to female friends -- while drawing a sharp contrast between her and the other characters -- beginning with Carmen in Chapter One:
“I know,” Carmen agreed. “But believe me; I miss my retail days in New York. Macy’s was tough, mostly due to a Type-A personality boss, but I met a lot of cool people. Counseling clients at New You Nutrition and Weight Loss isn’t exactly a dream job.”
“Isn’t it satisfying to help someone get into shape?” Madeline pursued.
“Only the people who are really serious about it,” Carmen replied. “But most clients just make up excuses and waste their money so they can claim to be doing something about their figure. And the company doesn’t mind because they’re raking in the dough. Not that the program isn’t good, it is. But not even the best weight loss plan on earth will work for someone who isn’t committed to it.”
“You should tell them you owe your skinny frame to New You, and not an inherited fast metabolism!” Madeline suggested, laughingly.
“Yeah, maybe I should!” Carmen agreed. “You look good, Maddy, by the way. I can tell you’ve lost some weight.”
“Yes, I’m trying!” Madeline patted her tummy. “All the walking and swimming I’ve been doing is paying off. And I’m being really careful about everything I put in my mouth. Just a few more pounds and I’ll be all set.”
“Now, don’t go off the deep end,” Carmen warned, suddenly becoming serious. “You are such a pretty girl and you look great. So just remember that, ok? You are beautiful the way you are right now.” Knowing her good friend was still reeling from a painful break-up a few months ago, Carmen wanted this to be a fun weekend for all of them.
“Jake’s an ass!” Carmen shot back, her fiery Latin temper flaring. “Who the hell was he to criticize you? It’s obvious you weren’t dating him for his good looks. He should have been grateful to have a cute girl like you on his arm, instead of acting like a complete jerk and dumping you over the phone. At least be a man and face things head on. What a wuss!”
Partly due to her seemingly unconquerable belief in her own inferiority where men are concerned, Maddy initially reacts harshly to Carmen's announcement of their impending dates later that evening -- although there's another glaring fact that adds insult to injury. This is also an instance where I employed a bit of foreshadowing just prior to the introduction of Ken:
“Well, while we’re on the subject, I have to confess something.”
Uh-oh. Knowing Carmen, it wasn’t good news.
“What?” Madeline asked defensively, bracing herself for the answer.
“Mary Ellen is trying to get these guys to bring a friend along for you—”
“Aw, Carmen!” she protested.
“Look, I don’t even know if the guy will make it, but you have to start somewhere. These men are successful in business and they’re really cute. We’ll all just go out and have some fun. It’ll be great, you’ll see!”
“Do you even know anything about them?”
“Well, I know they have some kind of import/export business in Atlantic City. And I think they’re from Iran or someplace in the Middle East.”
Fabulous.
Maddy’s type was definitely the masculine, clean-cut all-American guy either in uniform, or out of the pages of Football Digest or GQ; while she had an appreciation for other cultures, she had no desire to date someone from another country—European, Middle Eastern or otherwise. As was her usual reaction to distressing news, she sat in silence.
A little while later, I took a few paragraphs to describe the girls' contrasting appearances, as well as the dichotomy between Madeline's self-image and reality, in addition to another bit of foreshadowing:
The girls headed upstairs to get ready. It was already after 6 p.m. and they were planning to go out to eat before heading to the Key Largo dance club just over the causeway in Somers Point. At the Point Diner a little while later, Madeline watched in awe as Carmen devoured a burger and fries, while she carefully stuck to grilled chicken and salad. In spite of her slim figure, Carmen often ate starchy, fattening foods, none of which ever affected her thin frame. It was a luxury Maddy had never enjoyed.
But she looked adorable in a cute white summer outfit consisting of a long, sequined white top over tight leggings, cinched at the waist. She’d pulled her flowing auburn hair back into a loose ponytail, held with a rhinestone clip, and her favorite comfy silver pumps, in anticipation of dancing the night away. Carmen looked stunning in a black linen dress and high-heeled sandals, her dark hair falling straight just below her shoulders. Little did Maddy know at the time, but she would find herself sitting in the very same booth a few hours later, under very different circumstances.
Astute readers will understand that, given Madeline's overly critical and distorted self-image, the fact that Ken is first attracted to her stunning Latin girlfriend -- going so far as to purchase a long-stemmed rose and present it to her on the dance floor -- sets the foundation for the conflict to ensue in the budding, unexpected relationship that develops between her and the handsome former US Navy sailor.
Lost in the music, Madeline never saw it coming, but suddenly she looked up to see a hand holding a long-stemmed rose in front of Carmen; a little red devil was attached to it. Then Maddy caught a glimpse of the rose’s buyer and her heart skipped a beat—too bad he was interested in her friend. It seemed so unfair since Carmen already had a date for the evening, unbeknownst to this handsome stranger. But despite her disappointment, Madeline laughed right along as Carmen accepted the gesture and began to dance with her new suitor.
And of course, it's only when Carmen's date for the evening finally arrives at the club that Maddy even gets the opportunity to hang out with Ken in the first place -- when something inside compels her to extend the invitation, much to her own astonishment:
“Maddy,” Carmen asked again, “What are you going to do?”
Feeling strangely emboldened, Madeline announced, “I’m not going with all of you. I’m staying here and hanging out with Ken!” Then turning to him, she asked softly, “Is that ok with you?”
“Yes, that’s fine with me,” he agreed, giving her a high-five. Maybe the night’s not lost after all, he surmised. She’s seems truly adorable. It won’t hurt to spend a few hours getting to know her.
“Ok, but you better be nice to her,” Carmen warned Ken as she stepped into the back seat of her entourage’s Lincoln Continental.
In spite of her insecurities, Maddy demonstrates even more confident self-assertion when her newly designated date for the evening can't stop haranguing her over what he considers to be Carmen's dishonorable actions:
“You know I have to say I really don’t understand your friend. Why would she lead me on like that when she knew she had a date? And did you see those guys? I mean, I spent four years of my life defending this country from people like that and she and her anorexic friend run off with them?”
“Hey Ken, calm down! I agree with you about Iran, but that doesn’t mean those guys are like their crazy government. And you have to know Carmen; she’s just a free spirit. No one tells her what to do. I’m just glad they didn’t bring a friend for me, ‘cause long hair and grunge is definitely unappealing.”
“Well she still shouldn’t have accepted my rose,” he stated emphatically.
Maddy had enough. Cute as he was, she had no desire to talk about Carmen all night; watching Nick-At-Nite at home was sounding better and better. Overcoming her usual hesitance around guys, she spoke up. “Look, Ken, you’re here with me now. Either we’re gonna dance and have a good time, or I’m outta here! What’s it gonna be?”
Pleasantly surprised by her feistiness, he took her by the hand and exclaimed, “Well, let’s dance!”
By the way, this entire chapter is pretty faithful to real life, down to the little red devil attached to the rose; Maddy's amazement at Ken's foresight in bringing along a clean shirt to change into; Ken's initial anger about Carmen leaving the scene with another guy; and his marveling at Maddy's "tiny" hands. Even the conversation in bold above is absolutely true, and like Maddy, I surprised myself with my own comfort level around this guy; I seemed to have no qualms at all about telling him in no uncertain terms exactly how I felt. Unfortunately, that didn't last long as the relationship progressed, as I will detail in another post.
Once Ken and Maddy break the ice with a dance, the rest of the evening unfolds effortlessly. Their light-hearted conversation reveals many similarities, including their shared birthday (which, as I've noted before is an example of creative license; the real guy and me are both Pisces, but our birthdays are about two weeks apart), Catholic upbringing and status as "the baby" in their respective families. However, Maddy's insecurities flare up again upon learning more about this intriguing new suitor, unbeknownst to him:
Under the cover of magnificent moonlight enhanced by the muted sounds of music emanating from inside the club, Ken and Maddy chatted for hours. He shared funny and sad stories of his time in the military as she eagerly listened, fascinated by his life experience. At 25, she’d never even left her hometown, let alone traveled the world. Except for a Caribbean cruise with a few college girlfriends after graduation and some assorted family trips to places like Disneyworld and Chicago, she’d lived a pretty uneventful life. Heck, Maddy had even commuted to a university minutes from her house because she hadn’t felt quite ready to leave the nest. At the same age, Ken had enlisted to serve in foreign lands.
She also noticed something admirable and attractive in him—an inner spark, a desire to make something of himself. He was determined to rise above his roots in a sleepy Shore town and accomplish much greater things than his older brothers, all of whom seemed content to work in a local pizza shop.
From the get-go, Ken exposes himself as an entirely different kind of man from Jake, which ironically heightens Madeline's insecurity. After two years of constant berating about her weight, her choice of dress and even her bust size, it's a shock to the system (albeit a pleasant one) to be with a man who's constantly complimenting her. Although he's quite sincere, she cannot seem to reconcile his glowing impression of her with the unattractive one residing deep within her own psyche.
And her inability to clearly articulate her feelings -- coupled with Ken's deeply held thoughts of inferiority in the face of Madeline's highly accomplished family -- will help to destroy their relationship the first time around.
Some exciting happenings are in the works for both Water Signs and my new media career, thanks to the support of some incredible people. One happens to be my big brother Mark, who mentioned my book to a prominent a.m. talk show host last week during a call-in. While I am not going to disclose the name of the particular host, if he likes my novel, it could be a huge break for me. Mark noted he was very open and enthusiastic about possibly helping a little-known author hit the big time. I mailed off a copy yesterday, and will certainly follow-up on any results!
Another dear friend, Roxanna, a prominent local businesswoman and all-around awesome lady, pitched Water Signs to a friends of hers who own a publishing company. Again, I will remain mum until there's something to tell, but no matter what happens, I was thrilled to pass along a copy of my first book to this well-known company.
And yet another Facebook-turned-real-life friend emailed today with an offer of marketing assistance that I could not refuse. She's a sharp, wonderful person whose expertise is definitely needed!
Finally, to my loyal friend Don, whose brotherly friendship is a tremendous gift, thank you again for interviewing me yesterday! You can check out the profile piece here.
The events of just the past few weeks have reinforced the importance of remaining persistent and keeping the faith with a positive attitude and outlook. As Calvin Coolidge noted, "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence."
